Thursday, 11 April 2013

"I Am Watching You"



My scratches and bruises may have faded somewhat
But I have not forgotten Eric, the hormonal cockerel's attack of 48 hours ago.
I got home after work this morning and gave the little bastard my best DeNiro " I am watching You"
gesture as he emerged full of chutzpah from his coop.
Hell has no fury as an middle aged homosexual scorned.
Mark my words
It WON'T happen again.
He didn't seem to pick up on my non verbals
I think this one off testosterone victory has gone to his head.
Anyhow
The cottage seems to be in disarray this morning. A workman is busy fitting a new back door.
as all three dogs watch him with shivering terrier excitement 
The kitchen is full of dirt, wood shavings and wet tools
It is raining heavily, the first time since we had the snow
And everything's a mess

I need to clean the cottage as Chris has invited Mrs Trellis to dinner this evening
And I haven't even bleached the toilet as yet
I need a scotch Egg

Bring it on short arse!

42 comments:

  1. Oooh a workman. Builders crack photos to follow I assume?

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  2. You may be watching Eric... but be sure that Camilla will be keeping a very close eye on you too.

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  3. John remember not to sit on the toilet seat once you've bleached it.
    Jo xx

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  4. Perhaps Eric might get the message if you go into the coop wearing a K.F.C. T-shirt.

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  5. Does Eric know his days are numbered?

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  6. Showdown at the O.K Corral Eric 1, John 0.

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  7. I can only imagine Mrs. Trellis' surprise when her ass begins burning after visiting your loo. "other than that, the dinner was scrumptuous."

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  8. We once had a speckled cockerel that attacked my small daughter. I wanted to take the shotgun to him, but the fox got to him first... I didn't shed any tears.

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  9. What are you on about?!! Dear little Eric is absolutely gorgeous and extremely sweet and clearly much maligned. You were blatantly taking liberties with his flock and your tiny scratches are already healing. Go and get a scotch egg.

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  10. New door....bleached arse...and a good meal. Mrs Trellis will surely be impressed!

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  11. Do NOT sit in the bleach this time JOhn...put some kind of reminder on the seat until you are finished the cleaning job. As for Eric...he'd better watch his back lol.

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  12. Look at that plumage! He has a serious attitude issue...I think you pegged it when you said too much testosterone in too small a body. Last year one of our hens hatched fifteen eggs and we butchered the extra roosters. When cleaning their body cavities out I was able to see up close and personal how large their testes are....if you applied the same scale on a human they'd be hanging down to your knees! All those hormones need an outlet I guess.

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  13. WAR has been declared in Trelawnyd, the glove thrown down, the face slapped (or torn to shreds as it were) and the line drawn in the dirt, must I await the outcome John whilst thou bleachest the toilet?

    Hope there's a Scotch egg to be found to soothe you and may the dinner with Mrs. Trellis proceed with no errant feathers involved!!

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  14. Never a dull moment, Huh?

    Kuddo's to you for not strangling the little bastard right there on the spot. (or afterwards)

    He WAS doing his job after all but still... I'd have made a scary sight chasing after him, bloody faced and all.

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  15. What's for dinner? Cockerel?
    Jane x

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  16. Clean fluffy towels in the bathroom give unsuspecting guests a better impression than a rather tingly bottom!

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  17. I think it's only fair you should get them on prescription, after all, you might otherwise be smoking or taking Prozac...

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  18. cockeral soup...i'm just sayin'!

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  19. You tell him, J.G. You must have had it with such cocky cocks right up to here! (Points to neck region.)

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  20. Reminded me of the story I used to be told of how when I was a very small child we had a large white cockerel who attacked me one day as I toddled up the garden. My father, who was gardening, picked up a clod of soil and threw it at the cockerel and it killed him. Direct hit.

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  21. Are cockerels really that stupid with testosterone that they wouldn't back down to someone your size. Put your best macho forward in his face John! But don't blame me if he goes nuts again!!

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  22. I think you should rename him to Russell Crowe :)
    ~Jo

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    1. hahahahaha If you knew Russell Crowe that would be so apt. Love it

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  23. Damn I am just now catching up on your blog and I saw the pictures of the attack. I hope you heal fast and well sir!!

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  24. I'm reading this late enough that i'm sure you've already got the cottage ready for Mrs Trellis.

    As for Eric, well, you needn't worry about intruders wanting to take any of his charges!

    hope you're healing quickly.

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  25. Megan et al

    Mrs Trellis is expected any minute.... It's all been a bit of a hurry, especially as the workman wanted the loo and I had run out of toilet paper!
    ( more about that tomorrow)
    No sleep in 24 hours
    Too much caffeine
    Hey ho

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  26. Turn the lights down low, and throw colorful blankies over the clutter. That's always worked for my adult kids. If you can't see the mess, then it is not there.

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  27. I hope Mrs Trellis had no need of the toilet facilities and failed to notice their disreputable state....

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  28. Mrs T has come to see you, not your house or soft furnishings. That's my take on entertaining and I don't eat Scotch Eggs or take part in any way, shape or form in Cockerel wrestling. Like Susan said, turn the lights way down low (there's a song here somewhere)

    Good Luck

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  29. Thank you for that information Spinners End Farm... :-O

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  30. Oh~ your Eric encounter had me on the floor laughing, John. It reminded me of a little bantam roo that was so mean we named him Satan. He would catch me in the yard with my back turned and wearing clogs or sandals and the little bastard would tear into my ankles like a tiny tornado. He soon met his demise....

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  31. I shall have to find a Scotch Egg. They seem to cure everthing.

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  32. Oh goodness, John. Your caption for the last photo made me chuckle.
    I think you need at least one Scotch Egg every day to make up for this week.
    Have a great Friday, John! ♥

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  33. I read your past messages and you sure did get hit with a big sharp claw from Eric.. WOW~! that is one mean bird.. Your face looks a mess.. But with time I'm sure it healed.
    I always enjoy reading your blog as you are on a daily adventure...almost everyday.. I like what Stephen said about wearing a T-Shirt that says K F C...very funny..
    Have a great day~! ta ta for now from Iowa:)

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  34. Hesta Nesta beat me to warning you not to sit on the bleached toilet seat! Go easy on little Eric, John. He's only a pea-brained little lad! Will the workman clean up his mess afterwards? Here in Africa the men do, thank goodness. I'm only allergic to one thing in life and that's physical labour! Ha! Have a great day. Jo

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  35. Glad your scars are healing; they'll be itchy soon. Try not to scratch them in front of the workman. Thanks for reminding me about toilet cleansing....

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  36. When I kept a cockerel I used to have to go into the run with a bin lid for protection

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  37. SPring is clearly in the air. I came down to the coop yesterday to find a bloodied rooster. For a minute I thought he'd lost his eye, but fortunately not. I'm treating him with antibiotic cream and eye drops. After weeks of harmonious living, he and the new roo decided to have it out!

    God help those little bastards if they ever have a go at me... hope you're healing up!

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  38. I had a rooster who looked just like Eric. Nastiest chicken ever. Did you know that when you butcher Silkies, their skin is blue?

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