Friday, 19 April 2013

Caught Out At Tesco

Yesterday I started with sciatica
I suspect this was caused by a combination of lugging 25 kilo bags of corn, digging veg beds and coping with a body that is nearly 51 ( and a brain that thinks it is only 28)
The pain has been nagging, constant and bleeding irritating
It has also been embarrassing, because the main locus of the discomfort  has been located directly in the centre of my left gluteal maximus ( ie my left arse cheek) so every few minutes I have been delving down my pants to give myself a bit of a rub....or failing that I have been leaning on any supportable surface with my left leg slightly elevated.....it seems to help.....
It's not a good look.....
Anyhow.....yesterday I had the car, so, after buying and collecting animal feed from the wholesalers  ( and rubbing my arse in front of the slightly uneasy shop owner Jean) I took the dogs for a limp on the beach........
On the way home, and realising it was lunchtime, I popped into the new Tescos to collect a couple of items and was just crossing the car park after my shop when a car beeped me from outside the store
it was  Leslie, my elder sister's husband's sister's daughter( think about it) ......and obviously she reads the blog because she yelled
" have you just bought a scotch egg?"
Strangely enough I had ( emergency scotch eggs are an ideal panacea to nerve pain)
And so , despite my discomfort I picked the two pack out of my plastic bag and waved it gayly at Leslie across the car park.......
she laughed her tits off....
It helped me to cope with the pain...........
Strange who actually reads my blog eh?

Anyhow speaking of Scotch eggs..... Fellow blogger Em ( a delightfully talented lady who lives in the far South West)  will be on the receiving end of a quality ( and pricey) Scotch Egg Creation when I send one ( wrapped in bubble wrap) to her today in way of a thank you....
She is sending me some of her artwork of our dogs very soon........
A scotch egg is a small price to pay.............me thinks

Oh my arse.......



60 comments:

  1. Feel better soon, John. *hugs* ♥

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  2. That looks scarily like you have your foot on backwards ... if so that might be why everything hurts!

    Seriously John, because sciatica isn't funny, feel better :)

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  3. Only you can make sciatica sound exciting.
    The Square Ones send woof to feel better !

    cheers, parsnip

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    1. You could hear how I make " paint drying" sound blissful

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  4. Sciatica is a serious pain in the ass....(.mmmph mumph giggle)

    Mine has gone away after having my spine repeatedly adjusted and my head put on straight. Hope you get some rest and are feeling better soon.

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    1. Maybe my explosive flatulence hasn't helped

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  5. i had sciatica a few years ago and it sure is painful!!! hope yours corrects itself soon! do you ever make your own scotch eggs? i never like them unless i make my own!

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  6. I know that pain and it is bad. Sometimes it goes away in a few days and other times it takes months. Hopefully you will have the shorter version.

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  7. I have been told how painful sciatica can be. I think it's admirable you managed to blog about it with a light-hearted take on it all.

    Wishing you a peaceful weekend. Wow, we just had a Sainsbury's open here in Leek, yep a town named after an onion. Bloody expensive shop that Sainsbury's.

    Speaking of arse, my comment has reached the bottom....

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    1. I am actually in a rather bad mood about it all klahanie

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  8. The ability to think separates us, humans from animals. The ability to think differently in the same situation separates the good writers from... guys like me :-)

    I don't know what sciatica is, but the lighthearted description just before comments by others made me a bit less afraid of it.

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    1. You are perhaps the most polite of all blog commenters KK
      Thank you

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  9. I would much prefer a diagram of RUSSELL CROWES arse ... or a picture of you waving scotch eggs gayly at Russel Crowe. Russell Crowe Russel Crowe ~ sorry slapped myself .

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    1. Yes I care, hope you feel better .

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    2. I did find a small picture of russ' arse from google.........just for,you.....and will post it for you soon x

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  10. You make sciatica funny. Maybe its your piriformis muscle(deep in your butt) tightening up around the sciatic nerve, complaining about all that work. Stretch, stretch stretch then steady pressure for at least 20 seconds.
    Hope its better soon

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    1. Candace
      Pressure where?

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    2. Near the middle of the cheek, back of the hip joint. An up and INWARD motion toward the spine. Hold for about 20 seconds UNLESS the pressure makes it worse then you are stimulating the sciatic nerve. Of course having someone do it for you is best. Anti-inflammatory can help reduce a temporary irritation. It will help IF it is just muscular and NOT spinal. Either way keeping the lower back/pelvis/hip stretched can really help long term. Sorry to be so long winded. Feel better.

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  11. You need a good (looking) chiropractor..like mine!
    Jane x

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  12. I've got to try a Scotch egg!!

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  13. Had a few PITAs (pains in the arse) in my time too but never heard of Scotch eggs as a remedy. Will have to look into it. Candace has some good advice. Better yet, find a good massage therapist to do the steady pressure for you. Relaxation is key.Hope you feel better soon!

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    1. I asked Chris to give me arse a rub and he told me to piss off

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  14. Owie! Mine acts up when I vacuum, so I don't vacuum often.

    janet-revisinglife

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  15. I believe niece-in-law would suffice as her uncle has, by marriage, made you her uncle-in-law but, since you share no prior relatives in common, the car horn beep is an acceptable form of address.

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  16. No wonder the guy in the poster is sore, his leg is on the wrong way around ;-)

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  17. PS One assumes you apply the scotch egg orally not topically ;-

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    1. Two eggs downtempo old cakehole

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  18. I too suffered (left leg), but on reading the above, I've just realised that it's now gone. Maybe you could write something about lower back pain!!

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  19. Having suffered on and off for years, a little tip. If it becomes too painful to even walk, lift (rather than hold in) your stomach muscles for a few seconds. Pilates is supposed to be good too.

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    1. Any other tips shed?
      I am in quite a lot of discomfort

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  20. Would a vegetarian scotch egg have the same effect, I wonder? I have avoided sciatic pain for the last few years - I now get George to do the digging.

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  21. Funny how the body lets you down when you need it most - it's an awful nagging pain - you don't know whether to stand or sit, shuffle from one cheek to the other. Hope it gets better soon. Have a scotch egg on me. E.

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    1. Had another sneaky one this morning!

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  22. Next time my sciatica kicks in I won't be so ashamed of walking around with my fingers digging in my arse cheeks which I've found helps the pain. I still need to find a gluten free, vegetarian remedy for the pain. Ah I remember now...it's called chocolate :)

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  23. I hope you feel better soon. Believe me, in my town, rubbing your arse, standing weirdly and and delving down in your pants would not raise an eyebrow.

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  24. If it's any consolation (which it isn't) things do NOT get better from now on - but I reckon you've already guessed that. However, the 'plus side' is that one gets an increasing 'variety' of pains and their locations (though sciatica hasn't visited me - yet). But oh what fun in store!

    Btw: Have you spelt 'Leslie' correctly? I think you're using the male version - though I may have to stand to be corrected. The reason I know (or think I do) is that the biggest homophobe I ever had the distinction to work with (my one-time accountancy assistant of two years) who never missed an opportunity to express her disgust when she found out about me, she was tired of others mis-spelling her name - including one Chris de Burgh whom she adored until when, getting his autograph, he asked her her name so he could write a greeting in the book - and he also wrote '....ie' instead of '.....ey'. (How we laughed - when she'd gone out of the office!).

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    1. Your first optimistic sentence made me Larf....
      And you were right it was Lesley

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  25. My poor poor Sausage,

    Back pain is bad pain. That much I learnt when something gave (11 December 2012) on having to lift a cast iron radiator which had trapped and clamped my foot. I still remember the moment when something in my lower back region went 'crack'. My doctor who doesn't stand nonsense prescribed industrial strength painkillers and said it would go away within twelve weeks. I already feel sorry for him when, this coming Thursday, I will report to him that more than twelve weeks have passed - and I am still aware of the fact that I have a back(bone).

    Yes, so not much comfort, as usual, from me, John. All I know is that, apart from toothache, there are only two aches I'd happily throw morphine at: Head and back. Other than that I swear by WD40 to keep my life lubricated.

    Hugs and Kisses,
    U

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    1. Hi Ursula....
      Back with a bang as usual xxx

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  26. I'll be waiting for the postman every day in anticipation of the eggy/sausagey delivery! I laughed a lot at the image of arse rubbing in front of Jean - poor woman.

    Talking about the friend who you remind me of yesterday spurred me into trying to find him out there in cyberspace. He's rather a successful playwright now and I think he may be back in this country. I'm hoping to get in touch with him through the theatre company he and his husband run. So - thanks for the unintentional nudge. x

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  27. Ouch. I hope you get relief soon. And if rubbing your arse helps - do it. Often.

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  28. The chap laying tile in our bathroom this week was complaining of sciatic pain....If I'd known a Scotch Egg would help I would have made some for him.

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  29. I know the feeling of the age thingy. In my mind's eye,I'm 25 again,I could chase young handsome men, be slim and keep up with them all....but the old body,which is feeling every bit of 65, wouldn't keep up at all. My mind does keep me young at heart ;) Hope the buttocks get to feeling better!

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  30. I'm with you, entirely. I started a part-time job working in a nursery. I'm 53 years old, and had been unemployed for over a year. A good friend took pity on me and hired me. I'm in such pain I'm nearly in tears ( the tomboy-at-heart will not allow me to believe that my body is no longer strong and resilient, but my middle-aged heart is sobbing in silence, and the truth)

    I need to try the scotch egg remedy.

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  31. They'll have a blue plaque to you and your scotch eggs at that Tescos soon ;-)!
    Bon courage with the sciatica.

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  32. A chiropractor fixed my one episode with my right sciatica ....knock wood!
    John, I hope it goes away soon and never comes back. Telling you to rest is like telling a two year old to sit down and be quiet!! But try to as much as you can. Take care.
    So Boris took advantage of an invalid?

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  33. God I hate sciatica!!

    Scotch might help more than Scotch eggs...

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  34. Ha ha, what Knatolee said!

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  35. I've had sciatic pain several times over my life time...so you have my sympathy and my empathy :D

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  36. So now if I see someone delving in their pants, rubbing their arse or leaning on a surface with their left leg slightly elevated, I'll know exactly what their problem is....

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  37. I've suffered my share of sciatica pain, I agree, it's no fun.
    Those Scotch eggs can cure anything :)
    ~Jo

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  38. Terrier zen headed your way. Sciatica is horrid... well that's what out Mum says.

    Molly, Taffy, Monty and Winnie

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