I have found myself sighing at all this. On the surface, the protection of the innocent, sounds like a laudable objective..but, to what cost? Nanny state behaviour coupled with a public that is so used to hold their hands out to say "I'm helpless" literally does my head in.
Are we not responsible for our own actions, our own destinies and our own mistakes without having access to a system that will do the legwork for us? whatever happened to trusting to our own judgements and of those of our nearest and dearest?
What is the world coming to when a woman can do an official "background check" on a prospective partner.?
I repeat ..what is the world coming to?
I totally agree with you John, we are living in a world gone mad!! Where will it all end I wonder?
ReplyDeleteJo xx
Does this apply to someone that you meet otherwise? Say, on the street or in a pub? And can guys check on their potential gals?
ReplyDeletestew
ReplyDeleteexactly!
Valid points John, seems to me that the government (doesn't matter which party) will not rest until we're compliant sheep sheltered from an oh so nasty world with neither the ability or desire to make decisions for our selves.
ReplyDeleteJohn W
A little vetting is a good thing. Back when I was single, before I approached a girl I would follow her for weeks, camping out in the bushes outside her house to see what she got up to.
ReplyDeleteI would rifle through her dustbins, collect samples of her hair from the drains, I'd even go to her place of work and pose as a delivery driver to get an example of her signature.
I'd find out her phone number and telephone her in the middle of the night to see if she was sleeping or awake, and I'd take photographs of her going about her daily business to build up a diary of her movements.
On occasions I'd also follow her friends, and then instigate a chance encounter when I'd pretend to be a relative of hers organising a surprise party, getting them to give me all manner of personal information.
Because I'd have such a good understanding of her routine this also meant I could break into her house and spend the day dressed in her clothes, living her life.
To be honest, John, none of those girls ever killed me, so it is obviously a good move. That the Government is going to encourage such actions is applaudable!
In Japan it's normal for parents to run a check on potential sons-in-law or daughters-in-law, mostly because they're petrified of 'evil' Korean blood entering the family line.
ReplyDeleteMaybe in time it'll become normal for checks to be made on almost everyone for almost anything. Sad old world!
I agree! I also agree with Hesta Nesta, the world has gone mad.
ReplyDeleteCommon sense died many years ago, and Big Brother seems to be the norm. The few bad cause the good to suffer from all the rules.
I agree there should be caution when meeting a stranger. Use the brain God gave us. Remember the Craig's List Killer?
I don't know John. I'm almost ready to disagree with you. Hard to believe I know.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is that 50 years ago, maybe even more recently, you were introduced to people by friends who knew them well or by family members. You did have some background on the people you dated. As well, you met people in person and (due to social mores, usually in a group) were able to form some educated opinions about them from observation. Today people are meeting over a medium that allows for fictional misrepresentation (if you know what I mean). Maybe, just maybe, we do need some way of just making sure this person doesn't have a criminal background before we agree to meet.
Now don't yell at me please. It's just a thought.
I think it's a good idea, because so many men are sneaky, lowdown, lying, sons-a-bitches! You ever heard of a woman juggling 3 husbands, homes, and separate children?
ReplyDeletePlease excuse my exuberance, but I find it's more men doing crimes and doing time than women.
IG.
ReplyDeleteNOW why does that NOT surprise me?
CRO
The day someone checks a data base to see if I have ever abused a chicken, is the day I throw myself off Prestatyn Quarry
I met my husband thru the internet and perhaps I was/am a world class bitch but this is what I had to have before we met . .
ReplyDeleteFirst - he had to call me. From home and then from work. I called those numbers [home # when he was supposed to be at work and listened to his machine - did it match? and his work # at night - what did that message say? did that match?] I parked next to my date in the parking lot and jotted down their license plate. All of the above info got called to a friend along with the /time of the date with an arrangement for me to call at a pre-determined time when the date was over.
The look on the policeman's face after an internet-date-gone-bad [I got out of his car and walked in the rain] and my inability to provide answers said it all.
Being trusting is one thing but taking responsibility for your own safety is another.
A background check now, blood test and promise of first-born next? CRB = bad idea
Well, if you have to hook-up through Facebook, you must be pretty desperate. m.
ReplyDeleteinteresting debate... It'snot just the CHECKING THAT i FIND OFFENSIVE....I really find the nanny state more objectable!
ReplyDeletepeople need to take responsibility for themselves more
I met Chuck on the internet, but I probably would never do that again if our relationship didn't work out. Not because of the danger factor, but because of how damn far I had to move!
ReplyDeleteI talked to him on the phone every day for 2 months before I flew down in person to meet him. I'm a sharp sort of cookie, so I made sure to ask him questions where I could catch him out in a lie if he told one. But he didn't. He told me the truth about his life, even though some of it wasn't pretty. But whose is?
I still wouldn't have done a full official background check though. That seems a little effed up.
Indeed John. It is a sad state of affairs I think when the internet is the way to meet people. What is wrong with good old face-to-face contact?
ReplyDeletekyna
ReplyDeleteEXACTLY
you took responsibility to "get to know him"
once you knew him then the relationship blossomed.... believe me I am not against internet dating... I think it should be looked as "opening" to a potential relationship rather than a simple panacea to lonliness
I have to agree with you... seems like personal responsibility has gone off with common sense!
ReplyDeletePS: I don't always comment, but always read your blog.
OK - you can get down from your soap box now. We hear you. xxx
ReplyDeleteHmmm, as a woman and a mother of a young woman I almost have to disagree with you John. Back in my day you met young men via family, friends, school dances...you knew them and thier families. Today is a whole different world.
ReplyDeleteVery few take responsibility for their own lives any more. That's why the Nanny State is becoming so pervasive.
ReplyDeleteEvery one wants someone else to do something or give them something. It's very sad indeed.
Knowing a person's background is no guarantee of what's to come. People can change for better or worse. I hate the attitude that a person's life could be perfect...if. If they take the right pills, make the right investments, drive the right car, and marry the right person. Well, life doesn't work that way, does it? You do the best job you can and then you're gone.
ReplyDeleteTaking this one step further, even if the potential candidate has a "clean" record, what about their personality profile, are they potentially going to crack at some point soon - a ticking bomb.
ReplyDeleteSounds like more work for the lawyers when cases arise due to information being incomplete on this database and someone unfortunately gets hurt - who's going to pay out compensation ?
Sorry, I know that this is a serious matter BUT IG did make me giggle! I do think we are too trusting now days, no ne seems to 'court' anymore do they. That's how you get to know a perspective partner, if it didn't feel right you finished it before it got too deep....not jump into bed with them on the first opportunity. We always used to go out in a group for a while too, never on your own for the first few dates!. O.M.G. I am beginning to sound like my Mother :-)
ReplyDeleteOn the one hand I agree with you John, but on the other hand , as the victim of an attack by a man on the way to work in broad daylight some years ago, I also know how vulnerable woman can be in situations they should be able to feel perfectly safe in.
ReplyDeleteLOL IG always makes me giggle? Wonder if he's dating currently???
ReplyDeleteSeriously I know that some people are bad but still most people are still decent, honest and kind and this kind of checking makes us all that bit more suspicious and hard... Shame really. Just take your time and dont leap into situations...
The 'nanny state' is something rather sinister anyway. It's a way of controlling the populous, restricting movement and thought, and engineering the wholesale destruction of liberty.
ReplyDeleteNot being political or anything (all parties are corruptible) but the Tories have had this agenda for decades and yet we(well a minority as it turned out) keep electing them back into power.
Maybe some of us prefer to be told what to do?
By the way, I always admit before a date that I am a mad, axe wielding lunatic.
ReplyDeleteIt's confusing to me. I think that people who advertise for a date are crazy for putting themselves in a vulnerable position. But then I feel that some of the complete strangers I've met blogging are friends. So am I crazy? Don't answer that. And best friend Jan is happily married to a guy she met online. I've confused myself.
ReplyDeleteYou've started something John - good debate though! You put it in a nutshell though in one of your comments - people need to take responsibility for themselves more - that's exactly what I think too!
ReplyDeleteI have to respectfully disagree with you on this John. With people living longer and often people have multiple marriages it's more immportant than ever to know is a good person (BOTH male and Female) and who is a bad one. We used to meet one person say in high school and marry them Done. Now we move farther afield and meet people in lots of diffreent places. I love the idea that I could do a background check on someone and I WILL. I have a personal story of course that goes with this but I won't bore you.
ReplyDeleteHugs to all Ruth in Calif.
What is the world coming to? It's coming to Asteroid Delta 573 - a great big mother of an asteroid that by my calculations should smash into the Earth on or around October 14th. Humanity will be utterly destroyed apart from those of us lucky enough to inhabit what will become a new asteroid spinning through outer space - the Yorkshire Asteroid. Ee by gum lad!
ReplyDeleteI agree John but I have two women friends who have met total rotters via internet dating - basically con men. My friends should have been more careful but they were lonely & vulnerable & easy targets for these devious men. ( and I'm being polite here - they were total shits really & left the women humiliated and out of pocket )
ReplyDeleteThe more you allow others (and that includes nanny-governments) do/think for you, the less honed your intuition becomes. Always, always better to trust your instincts and not be seduced by someone's "official credentials".
ReplyDeleteWe all know phone/computer hacking is an international pastime now, so how hard could it be to falsify background check information!
What is the world coming to when these women are "meeting" men on the internet instead of the good old fashion way like we used to meet people? Work, church, grocery stores, (bars?!), other public places...
ReplyDeleteJohn, is it just women? Haven't men also been killed or raped by a date gone very, very wrong?
ReplyDeleteI'm of two minds about this. I like my private life PRIVATE, so no i don't want to be in some sodding database that any joker can hack and see what's what.
Otoh, it might be nice to know that prospective interesting fellow #1 had had a history of domestic violence.
But i don't think the database info would be incorruptible, and i also am NOT a fan of the Nanny State.
As for the Internet, i've met some of the nicest people online, and in some cases, we've met in real life, too. And they are just as nice in real life.
But you do have to take precautions. Much as you do in the "real" world.
my 2¢,
megan