Friday, 12 April 2013

The Toilet Paper Saga

Our old back door had taken a battering over the years. Seven dogs, two cats and wood rot has left it looking like the doorway  to the Hillbilly's cabin from Deliverance , so in the sake of security and marital harmony we got a little man in to replace it

The delightful and much missed Constance giving the old door a hammering
The workman arrived around 8.30 am just as I returned from night shift. He got on with the work without drinking copious amounts of tea and coffee, which impressed me, and soon was gouging out lock holes,assembling windows and shaving wood as I walked the dogs and sorted the animals out.
When I returned he asked me if he could use" the facilities"  and without thinking I showed him the bathroom before realising that I had not checked it.
All civilised people should check their bathroom before anyone uses it
It stops all of those embarrassing moments when the odd "floater" is located down the pan.
The workman was upstairs for an absolute age, and when he returned all he said as he got stuck in fixing up the new cat flap, was a rather sullen " you have run out of toilet paper"

I realised that I had made the most embarrassing faux pax.
There was not a sheet of bog roll to be found in the house
I had visions of the poor man rifling his pockets for a stray handkerchief or even a shop receipt to " ensure the " necessary deed" was done so to speak but like all social interactions we have with strangers , the two of us couldn't bring ourselves to acknowledge the fact that acceptable bum wiping could not be carried out......
I hurried up to the shop , bought some toilet paper and treated him to a packet of chocolate biscuits in way of an apology......
Hey ho
The new door complete with cat flap

58 comments:

  1. So much of your life seems to entail cleaning up the mess of others - day and night. I wonder how he interpreted the packet of chocolate biscuits...

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    1. Oh dear..... I have just realised what you mean
      As for cleaning up
      You are right.......perhaps that is why I am a nurse

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  2. This blog is so much better than the archers.

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    1. Do you think? This entry isn't upto much
      ...but or is the Lilian and Paul storyline

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    2. you may not think so but you almost make me want to move to the country! london seems dull in comparison - there isn't an urban radio drama as popular is there? Hope you are putting arnica on your war wounds!

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  3. The poor 'little man'...surely a big fellow would have been better - that looks like quite a heavy door!

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    1. They breed them toughin Wales note

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  4. In a state of lavatorial shock, did he dunk the Bronco into his tea and swipe his arse with the choccie bickies?

    LLX

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  5. The time to realise you there is no loo paper is before you actually sit down.....

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  6. (Check the towels before you use them)

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    1. that made my eye twitch!

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  7. He'll be back complaining of a blistered ass, no doubt.

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  8. OMB, what a great read for a friday morning! a roll and a spare at all times, dear!

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  9. Oh John unacceptable really ~ now the smell alone could make him the butt of off color jokes during his workday , hopefully he cleaned up nicely before his next job . ;)

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  10. are you writing a book John...if you're not, you should! not only are humorous events attracted to you like a magnet (bees to honey and all that sort of thing) you have the gift of being able to relate a tale in a way that constantly has me ROFLMAO! I would definitely buy the book, possibly known as John's Tails or My Menagerie in Trelawnyd to have whenever I was feeling low and needed a good side splitting laugh to rev my motor :D :D :D

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    1. I don't get out much Theanne so my imagination is bigger than it should be..... But thank you
      X

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    2. you're right, a clean out is a clean out :D :D :D

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  11. I am hoping the typo of "martial harmony" is not a Freudian slip!

    I was terrified you were about to report the man rushing downstairs with his bum afire from undiluted bleach on the seat. So a lack of tp was almost humdrum. The story could be improved by your asking, "Just out of curiosity, old chap, how did you manage it?" Or perhaps some new underwear (or whatever they're called over there--pants? knickers?) might have been a more appropriate olive branch.

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    1. Damm this automatic spell check
      !

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  12. Whilst sitting on the toilet
    mulling over some great issue
    I suddenly became aware
    of needing toilet tissue. etc etc

    Lionel Deimel's rather prissy poem 'Toilet Paper'.

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    1. Just been googling the rest of it cro

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  13. You can run out of tea, you can run out of butter...
    But for Cripe's sake - to be totally out of T. P.????

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  14. Oh dear - how embarrassing - you are - like me - not a perfect housewife.

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  15. It's the reason we save our corncobs in Tennessee :)
    ~Jo

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  16. maybe that MIL used it all!!!

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  17. thanks for another great laugh...and another for the comment on checking your towels...growing up my family was crazy about having enough tp and I've followed through by having dozens of rolls on hand at all times...

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  18. God, I always end up grinning for an hour after reading one of your posts!!! This reminds me of the time, about 40 years ago, when my ex and I were on vacation (from Calif.) in Florida visiting family. Upon return we found someone had broken into our house and committed mostly mischief, such as stealing meat from the freezer (2-door fridge) and leaving the door open, burning out the motor. Aside from some missing coins, the other discovery was a washcloth (is that a flannel in British?) in the toilet bowl which had very obviously been used for the purpose of wiping a very nasty bum.

    Nancy in Iowa

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    1. Oh, and there was toilet paper on the roll!!!

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    2. Tee hee.....funny x

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  19. Theanne took the words out of my mouth, John. You should write a book! I loved the unique photo of Constance. And I loved the finished door and cat flap. Poor man - stuck up there without TP! I thought only our family called these rolls of toilet tissue, "bog rolls" ! Have a great weekend. Greetings. Jo

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  20. Not a bad exchange - toilet paper/chocolate biscuits John.
    Only in your household do these things seem to happen.

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  21. My parents always kept a Sears Catalog in the outhouse for just that reason. Perhaps he used a euro note?

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  22. Oh my...however did he manage?

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  23. I'm reminded of my ma, who had to rifle through her pockets for a tissue shortly after reckoning up the family 'christmas club'. She later discovered she'd wipe her arse on a five pound note...such decadence....

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    1. You win wanda.... A fantastic comment

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    2. that's hilarious. My neice pulled the border off the wall paper. My BIL was not happy

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    3. I've a better one. Enormously pregnant friend attends ante-natal clinic. She's waiting for her appointment and needs the loo. Toddles off for a pee, no paper! Rifles through her pockets and, among the usual detritus, finds a tissue....
      Eventually seen by the 'boss' and 47 students - it's a teaching hospital.
      Flat on her back, legs in the air, they all lean in for a look - everyone bursts out laughing - she has 40 Green Shield stamps stuck to her ladygarden....

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    4. NOW THAT'S going in the blog proper

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  24. As soon as i read about the chocolate biccies, i thought "how could you??" not surprised in the least that Tom S mentioned it.

    I'm assuming you didn't have a magazine or anything paperlike in there?

    I have a roll and a spare in each loo. As soon as i need to use the spare, i get another roll straightaway. STRAIGHTAWAY. I don't want to be stranded.

    In your defence, I'm sure sleep deprivation played into it. And you did try to apologise.

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    1. My film mags are in the loo...I will check if pages are missing!

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  25. Oh no! That must have been awkward, but it made for a funny story. Bet you'll keep extra toilet paper on hand from now on, huh! :)

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  26. Guys, eh? Too embarrassed to say anything. I bet most women would apologise profusely and offer some alternative like newspaper. And like Alison said, ask how he managed without toilet paper. Or maybe they wouldn't?

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    1. Yes guys are all a bit autistic about things like this

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  27. Oh my, my human friend. Luckily, I have no need of toilet paper. Yes, we animals are lucky. Our butts snap shut.

    Be well and enjoy your weekend, my human friend.

    Pawsitive wishes,

    Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar! :)

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  28. Okay, Mr. Downright Sexy, I have a question. How, in a house populated by two humans of Y-chromosome persuasion, does the bog roll EVER get replaced?! Because honestly, I'm pretty sure only women know how to put toilet paper on an empty holder!!! ;)))

    Love that shot of Constance. She is missed!

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  29. Oh goodness. I hope the biscuits helped, John.
    Have a wonderful weekend!
    *hugs* ♥

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  30. I needed a good chuckle tonight. So much has given me a heavy heart lately. One of those "when it rains, it pours" situations. Sometimes I have to remind myself that a little laughter in the face of adversity is a good thing.

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  31. I think you have the best adventures ~! Just love it~!
    No toilet paper in the house was quite a hoot.. that was so funny. I have gone shopping in the past just to buy toilet paper and then when getting home realizing that I forgot to pick some up.. Yikes~! not nice.. Your blog always makes me laugh...and I thank you so much..
    ta ta for now from Iowa:)

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  32. Thanks for the laughs. You know what they say... no job is finished until the paperwork is done. (So maybe the workman will be back?)

    Love that picture of Constance, too.

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  33. Oops. Constance was a delight - thank you for posting that enchanting (albeit destructive) photo.

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  34. I admit it, I giggled when I read that you gave him chocolate biscuits by way of apology!

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  35. With my builders mind I chuckled at the first line!

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  36. I think your loo is a walking time bomb - first multiple incidents of rash ring, now theres incidents of improperly flushed objects...

    you might want to put up a warning sign...

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