Getting On With Things ( and thanks to Arvon)

Affable Despot a Jason always jokes that he hibernates during the winter months
" See you in spring" he'll sing out if you bump into him on one of his few outdoor jaunts when it is dark and cold and wet, so I wasn't surprised that he stopped by the field gate the other afternoon when it was warm and sunny , and when the daffodils had started to bud on the field borders.
I call Jason an affable despot , because he is always upbeat, and strangely enough when we caught up the other afternoon we chatted about the subject of optimism and coping a subject that was particulary relevant given the fact that Jason's family have had to deal with a recent life challenge of sorts.
" You've just got to get on with things" Jason said brightly
Simple to say, and for some, very difficult to do.
Personally, I think effectively " getting on with things" depends on three factors
1. Not overthinking problems
2. Having a sense of humour
3. Having a plan
Factors 1 and 2 depend on your personality, so just cannot be accessed by everyone........factor three can be used by all so is always useful......so always have a plan......plans give structure, order and security to any unstable situation.
Ok, ...end of the lecture....

Ps Thank You
It's a wet and crappy looking day today and I'm spending some of it decorating again
. I also need to walk up to pen-y-Cefn Isa this morning with a gift of some eggs. It got back to me that Arvon from the farm found Camilla alone down the lane last Sunday and took his time to walk her all the way back home to the safely of the Ukranian village.
I am very grateful
Below is Arvon pronouncing the word Trelawnyd for a previous blog

 

For the other Trelawnyd villagers saying Trelawnyd

See

http://disasterfilm.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/tre-lawn-yd.html

Visitors From The Orient

Nearly a decade ago, I had to act as the dutiful partner to a University academic and play the hospitable "hostess with the mostest" with a couple of non English speaking Chinese students on their very first visit to rural Wales.
" what will they want to eat?" I asked Chris, not sure if I had to cater for a vegetarian palate
" Give them something Welsh" he suggested helpfully, " I'll bring them over in an hour or so"
An hour later I spied two small shapes through the kitchen door, and when I opened it two tiny and very scared looking Chinese girls stood before me, both with cameras in their hands.
Four photographs were taken before I had a chance to usher them into the cottage.
I don't think they had seen a gay house husband before!
Now back then we had two dogs. An overly friendly Welsh terrier called Finlay and a  grumpy old Scottish terrier called Maddie who had a particular dislike for strangers in the house. Of course it was Maddie who walked into the kitchen to see what all the camera flashing was all about and after taking one look at the girls, she let rip with a deep and piercing Scotty bark.
Now to be fair to Chris, no one had told him that both girls were pathologically terrified of dogs ( I guess it's not something that the student liaison officer would ask in passing) so you can imagine that both Roger Moore eyebrows were considerably raised at the hysteria that followed.
It's amazing just how loud two Chinese girls can be when they are clambering all over your couch in an effort to get away from a Scottish terrier with an attitude.
Anyhow they calmed down after two large orange squashes and a promise of something to eat
" have you made them something Welsh?" Chris asked
" Spaghetti Bolognase" I told him
" Near enough" Chris replied and in an effort to calm the soothed nerves he found them Chinese channel on the satellite box.
It worked like magic.
Immediately the girls sat down on he floor in front of the tv and watched their " local" news as if their lives depended upon it.
I served them the Spag Bol on their knees which they bolted down within a few seconds.....I hardly had time to offer them some Parmesan before they had cleared  their plates.
" I don't think they've eaten much since coming to Wales " Chris ventured
" how long have they been here?" I asked
" Four days!" , Chris replied " they've already demolished two cream teas and a large plate of Bara brith on the way here"
I gave the girls our portions of Spaghetti , two more large glasses of squash and  a massive slice of cake each, and as we all sat in silence in front of Chinese tv as they enjoyed their tea.
It was my first AND LAST venture into " foreign" hospitality and as I watched the last bit of carrot cake disappearing I couldn't help thinking how hard it must be , being the Queen.
Hey ho

Maddie & Me

Competition

Whilst looking for some important papers, by chance, I came upon this single telegram from my parent's wedding which took place in 1946. I have no idea who Aunt Grace was, but I was more struck by the telegram itself, which, I think, is a wonderfully old fashioned and much missed wedding  
tradition!
I would love some telegrams for our wedding
And so...I will set you all a bit of a challenge out there
With the wedding only 2 weeks away.....I want you to send me your best telegram message
You can type it in the comments box, or if you are feeling all technical you can email a photo of it
( jgshefield@hotmail.com) ..whatever way you do it, the winner will be picked out on the 5th March
( the night before the wedding)
The winner will receive a genuie welsh love spoon! ( ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh!!!!)

The Walking Dead " Them"

 Sasha and Maggie have got all depressed,

Daryl has his cry face on

There are only feral dogs to eat

and " Team Rick" are having a bloody awful time out on the road.

But it was nice to see Lauren Cohen as the usually upbeat Maggie 

flex her acting wings

The Walking Dead needs a little lightness injecting into it, just for one 

episode.......producers please note........please lets have at least 4 smiles and perhaps one chuckle!

Ok the world has gone to shit,

But at we all need a little  vacation from reality occasionally!

Light and shade...light and shade

Mind you the final few minutes of the episode had the tired and demoralized team working together

as one to survive the zombie herd in a wonderfully bravura sequence during a tornado  before the smiling upbeat gay character of

Aaron turned up, in a beautifully clean outfit

and a smile bigger than Donnie Osmond

Aaron ( personal grooming IS possible during the apocalypse 

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Today's post was going to be centred around the knotty subject of canine mastubation but a small medical emergency with an out-of-date bag of rice noodles seems to have started the day on somewhat of a bitter sweet note.

Monday morning is a recycling morning.
The chicken carcass from Sunday lunch, left over vegetables,  old bits of bread, any old shite from the fridge are all mixed together in a bucket or a bowl and the slop fed to the animals on the field.
Today's leftovers were augmented by a pile of undigested cat food ( thrown up by Albert) a French stick someone had thoughtfully left on the back garden wall and a bag of out-of-date rice noodles.
I took the offerings over to the field and dumped them on the  ground as the hens, geese , turkey and sheep galloped over to bolt down the food and had just turned back to the cottage ( to enjoy my  first cup of coffee of the day) when I noticed a wide eyed Camilla staggering around strangely with a large clump of rice noodles hanging out of the side of her open beak.
She was choking .
Now I've only ever done the Heimlich Manoeuvre once in mylife and that was when an elderly food driven psychiatric patient tried to eat a whole tin of apricots in syrup in one glug and that was back in 1987, so I can't at all call myself an expert, but I jumped into the emergency situation with unexpected gusto and grabbed Camilla from behind.
I tipped her upside down, shook her three times and squeezed her smartly around the middle as if I was playing a grey and white set of bagpipes.
Camilla coughed, took one deep breath and then farted incredibly loudly as I squeezed her again to make sure all the tubes were clear.
It was only after I had put her down when I realised that the noodles had been shifted and that I was covered in around a litre of bright green watery shit.

And so , let that be a lesion to you all , if you ever have to do the Heimlich Manoeuvre on a goose..make sure it's arse is pointing away from you....

Camilla after her ordeal

I'll leave you with this photo of Meg and Winnie

It's a rare shot...

You have to remember that Meg hates Winnie

Winnie is ambivalent to Meg

So this photo made me smile....

Im off for a bath

A Bad Egg

The other day I had a complaint about my eggs!
It was done very nicely, but the complaint was very clear and assertively made
" Some of your eggs were not up to ther usual standard " was the coment that came over loud and very clear.
You couldn't have hurt my feelings more if I had been Katy Price and you had pointed at my cleavage and shouted " You've got saggy tits you bubble headed self publicist!"
I was wounded to the quick.
But the customer is always right, so I apologised profusely and promised to hand over a few extra eggs as compensation on my next delivery but something kept niggling me after the customer said that some of the whites were cloudy!
The I remembered.....CLOUDY WHITES ARE AN OCCASSIONAL SIGN OF VERY FRESH EGGS! ( which is all about the amount of carbon dioxide being dissolved within the egg)
Flushed with righteous indignity, I immediately rang the customer back and left a rather rapid, excited and " How very dare you" message on the answerphone complete with a lengthy scientific back up about the nature of fresh eggs.
Later that day there was a message on our telephone answer machine
It was a somewhat exasperated man's voice  which stated
"You left a somewhat garbled message about eggs.......
Just to let you know you rang the wrong number"

Wrong even when I'm right!
Other customers please note......my cloudy whites are only a sign of freshness

Savage Rabbits

Pat ( Weaver of Grass) left a comment on yesterday's blog which went a little like this

1. 
   The Weaver of Grass9:01 am

   Oh John - what I love about you is how you manage to make every little episode and incident such fun. Bon voyage Cecil - and you never know what life has in store for you in the future (Cecil i mean, not you!)

   ReplyDelete

I wanted to reply that it runs in the family....this is an abridged part of an email sent to me by my twin sister Janet, who recently got savaged by a rabbit at the pets shop in which she works
It make hilarious reading. I hope she doesn't mind me re printing it

"How are you ...thought I'd message you and share what happened to me yesterday ......Ha ha !
Picture the scene .....half asleep ( at just after 7am ) dressed for action........rubber gloves ...plastic apron on.... I start my clean out .....2 hamsters and one guinea pig down ......its Spikes turn ...he's a rabbit ....a rather gorgeous one ( lion head cross)and one of my favourites ...at least he was ! Now Spike has been getting rather frisky of late with my plastic shovel. ......he bites down on it and shakes it ...hormones I suspect and boredom !

Only yesterday he bit down hard on the fleshy part of my thumb.......I howled in pain and rather ashamedly hit him over the head with my plastic shovel !! Only then did he let go !!
My glove filled with blood ..... I remembered thinking at least it means I won't have to mop the floor.......no spillages there ! Ha ha ......fuck it hurts !
I hot footed it to the office where Ben our supervisor was .......and laughingly demanded he gave me some first aid !
His first reaction was to get a plaster out of the first aid box .....his next reaction was oh shit ! Blood everywhere !
By this time I had started to get very hot and felt sick.............next thing I remembered was thinking how did I get on the floor and how nice and cold it was !! And what the fuck was Ben doing ....oh yeah he's putting me in a recovery position .......hmm nice ......just stay here a while ......what's he saying ...oh shit he's calling for an ambulance ...oh god no !
I don't need one of those ! Really weird hearing everything but not being able to move .....why's he shouting and throwing the phone .....its not working .....enter our cleaner who doesn't speak much English and it's his first day on the job ! Bens ordering him to get the phone out of the groomers and I can hear Ben asking for an ambulance !!
By this time I'm doing my best to move and yes !!  Result ! He's telling the operator I'm coming round ......I'm trying to sit up and tell him I don't want or need a fucking  ambulance when the cleaner comes back into the office to inform me a hamster have escaped .....thanks .....but can't you see I'm rather busy at the moment !
Anyhow a nurse called me back ...I had to phone ned to take me to hospital to get checked over and get some antibiotics ! Returned to work ...finished the clean out

Cecil Finds A New Home

The jungle tom toms within the North Flintshire chicken fraternity must have been banging like good uns for this afternoon an elderly woman who heard through egg seller Eirlys who in turn reads the blog that I needed a good home for Gay Cecil , called me to see if she could have him.
" I have a tiny hen who needs company " she said on the phone " but he has to be small"
Within minutes she had called round and was giving him the once over through huge milk bottle bottom glasses.
Cecil blinked once and screamed at the top of his lungs at the sight of her
" He's very highly strung" I explained  deciding to have a little fun with the whole situation
"Why is that ?" The woman asked " is it the breed?"
" No ... he's gay" I told her
" IS HE.?" The woman sounded surprised " how do you know that?"
I was going to tell her that Cecil loved Barbara Streisand and Celine Dion, re arranging furniture and was particularly fond of looking "FAB-UL-OUS darling" but I stopped myself as I was just being silly
" he's just not interested in sex" I eventually told her
" Well that makes two of us" the woman said brightly
" I'll take him"