Big Breaths

 I’m feeling somewhat overwhelmed today.

I can do , only what I have done and plans are afoot,

I know this.

But things are now feel out of my control and I have been transported back to that horrible day when my husband left, and I saw no meaningful future in this world.

Only now I am 7 years older

In a week or so the hospice will have a list of those staff who are taking voluntary redundancy 

If there is a shortfall they further redundancies will be made

I cannot afford to keep my home without a job 

I’m not sleeping well because of it all.

At least my arm is improving.

The art of saying nothing

 Tact is the art of saying nothing, when there is nothing you can say. 

So many people cannot cope with this skill

It doesn’t feature in their arsenal 

Some need to either fill a void with a platitude,or emoji or prove to themselves they are worthy by trying to say the right thing.

Invariably they make things worse by failing to reading the room, or by not seeing the bigger picture.

Silence is part of counselling culture and training.

It allows a look to convey concern or empathy or just acceptance 

It gives space, and allows pain to be shared without heavy handed words and meaningless phrases

Silence is ancient 

It is powerful 

And it is not used enough 

Coldplay

 The concert that outed that CEO affair is still out in the news

The lisping choir’s version is here

They have kept me afloat

Janet & John

I haven’t quite the energy after nights 

The morale at work has never been lower

But natural professionalism continues and patients still get wonderful care

I’m so proud of my work guys

So enjoy this 

JANET @ JOHN 

Story

 Sunday night is the Wheel Tappers and Shunters Social Club on tv ( google it because I can’t really explain) a cold beer ( a gift from Mrs Trellis at Christmas wrapped in red serviettes ) a bag of low calorie crisps and all the while Weaver is sitting on her own window ledge dinosaur looking out at the thunderstorm rolling in from the Vale of Clwyd Hills to the South.

Mary has another phantom pregnancy and has disembowelled the reading chair in the kitchen 

Roger is sitting watching her  with a worried “ what the fuck?” expression 

Bun, the last time I saw her , was walking with a sex and the city swagger in the graveyard.

I’m pleased

That’s where Albert used to go

Every day to kill rabbits………

Hey ho

Goat

One of the goats behind the hospice this evening

I’m working two nights

 

The Best Hug In The World

 I went into the mental health charity and booked three paying clients for next week 

I saw a plea from a village gal on Facebook to take her to the vets tomorrow so volunteered to do the job , I’m not altruistic I hope she will make me a flower show video in return lol

I feel low today and the God’s know this I suspect for at 6 pm Sue who has the ponies on the field called by to get things sorted for the return of the ponies

She called my name at the kitchen wall 

And when I came out and without a word she hugged me with the best hug in the world 

CINEMA PARADISO- ORQUESTA EOS-GRUPO TALIA

The Madrid Metropolitan Orchestra who plays with the lisping choir supporting young musicians on this lovely version of Cinema Paradiso

It’s delightful and that hug at the end was pure emotion

The last week I’ve been transported back to that awful time in Summer 2019 when Chris left me with a cottage for sale, no car, no job, no money and four dogs

If I can get through that I can get through anything 

Thank you for your continued support 

Look closely at my hero Silvia sanz conducting I can see myself in the audience !!!!

C&nt

 

Weaver as a baby

I saw a financial advisor today. 

I completed my application to the NCPS (The National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society ) and paid my dues. I already have insurance in place and a new supervisor booked so I will take my paperwork into the counselling centre tomorrow in order to book my first clients.

This has given me some control back today 

An informal message support line continues amongst the hospice nursing and support worker staff, and I’m thankful for friends Ben, Louise, Rhian and Ruth for grounding me today. 

Ruth and I had lunch at Mostyn Galleries but neither of us could eat

I am feeling every inch my 63 years, this rollercoaster ride is not what you expect and want at any age let alone now in the autumn of my working career

But let’s change the subject

It’s  Bun & Weaver’s 1st birthday ( estimated lol)

This morning as I was FaceTiming with my financial advisor , he commented that a black cat had walked past me, tip toeing on the radiator top. The cat had stopped briefly by the reading chair, then smacked a shocked Roger in the gob before running out of the cat flap 

“ That’s Weaver” I told him “ she’s a cunt!”