This Is Why........,..

Strangers can make a difference, I'm a firm believer in that.

He was young, just into his twenties.
Emotionally bright but terribly low, it was his first phone call to us and he was unsure of just what to say.
I heard the warning bells of despair from the first few minutes of our conversation.
This was an important call, I said to myself and I prepared to give it everything
It took just ten minutes for the subject of suicide to be acknowledged.

The relief of sharing such a deep dark thought safely was palpable.
It bonded caller to listener, and once out in the open he could move on to the tentative planning for help and support .

I didn't want the call to end,
I wanted to feel he was safe......but all I could was to hope that he was now safer
I offered him a follow up call to check if he was ok. He accepted and requested it for today.
I arranged for a colleague in another part of the country , a stranger to me ,to be responsible for this precious task.
I have to trust that this was carried out successfully this lunchtime.

I ended the call with the words " You matter" I wanted to sound warm,
a virtual hug
He ended the call with " Thank you for that" and then he was gone

And in well trained care my office buddy  gave me time to share such an important forty minute phone call as I sniffed a tear away over a cuppa and a Jaffa cake

This is why I am a Samaritan . 

Fall From Grace

One accidental snap
Taken from my iPhone as I tumbled over the field gate
Strange that the flip flop remained in place
I was winded on the floor for an age before the ponies ambled over to take a closer look and to eat the layers pellets I had scattered into the grass when I fell.
Layers pellets ? I hear you ask
Yes......layers pellets!!!!......two small bantam cockerels arrived at the Ukrainian Village this afternoon.
Hey ho!

A Load Of Young Bullocks

I've been sat at the kitchen table for much of today looking at nursing jobs and agency web sites.
It's an odious task
I literally went goggle eyed by midday and was only saved by the escapee group of young Bullocks who first darted up the lane then sprinted back down with gay abandon .
Glad of the distraction I caught up with them at the livery fields and herded them down to another field with the help of some woman in a small hatchback.
Herding Bullocks in flip flops is not for the faint hearted , and when I eventually got home I had to rinse feet and flops in a bowl of detergent.
The postman arrived soon after and pushed some more cards through the window
" This is bloody ridiculous !" he said showing me this

" More fan mail" he laughed then asked " Where's Mary?" 
I panicked a little as she's always hanging out of the window feigning "I'll kill ya, I'll kill ya " when the postie comes, so I went in search of her....
She wasn't far away

Ta muchly btw

Walk Through Video

I used to do a great number of these kind of videos .
Years of walking around the field with a cheap camera
Today I revisited the vlog

The Bell

For some reason I had ( or needed) a lie in today.
It was only the Church bell that woke me up around eleven and the video I briefly took as I staggered into the garden was suitably blurry eyed as a result.
I've been invited out to a trip to Chester Races today by family and Sunday lunch at a friend's house but I have given my apologies to both invitations
So it's coffee in my bucket coffee cup and radio 4.......
These are two of my best friends on a Sunday Morning
They are here every Sunday morning
Constants........

Kicking The Cat

Of all of the mental mechanisms that we all employ to survive the brickbats of daily living, it is transference , that I think is the most common and the most easily recognised if you have a modicum of self awareness.
In the first few days after Finlay died I was a volcano of anger( to those newer readers Finlay was my first Welsh Terrier ). I kept things ticking over until I found myself walking down the high street in nearby Prestatyn. At one narrow point I came face to face with two teenage boys riding their bikes on the pavement and after a short stand off I found myself yelling " YOU DONT RIDE BIKES ON THE PAVEMENT !!"into their astonished faces like a banshee at full moon.
The pressure cooker needed to blow off some steam.

Yesterday, the old transference thing found itself bubbling away on Colwyn Bay Promenade .
I recognised the signs and felt the pressure cooker shaking away.
A bland looking woman with a staffie off it's lead suddenly loomed into view .
The staffie looked good natured but as it spied Mary it's head lifted into that stance that could go either way, so I picked Mary up by the scruff and bounced her onto my forearm.
" It's ok she's friendly!" The woman trilled but I wasn't having any of it as the staffie trotted round me   rather too forcibly
" That dog should be on a lead " I said firmly but not rudely
and then the argument started .
The " mind your own business!" comment got my dander up as did the pointed " Little Hitler " reference but I reined it in at the eleventh hour of the row when I just knew I was just about to lose it bigstyle.
Instead of letting off the roar that was inside of me just screaming to get out
I took a deep breath as I lowered Mary to the ground with a dignified sweep of my arm ( the woman had by this time slipped the lead on her dog but was still bumping her gums ) and I pointed downward with well rehearsed practice stating loudly
" Take your dog and your VERY cheap shoes and get lost!" 

Ps. It's  dry, warm and slightly overcast morning...Ideal for The Flower Show which was originally scheduled for today..hey ho

I'll leave you with something happier

A lovely dancing dentist

The Power Of A Film Scene

I was asked recently just why I love the cinema so much.
The answer is a complex one, but I think the main power of film is that it often captures tiny moments in time, moments that we so often never ever able to see and understand.
I was reminded of such a scene last night.
The movie Hostiles has one of the most powerful endings of any film I have ever seen. Shot in slow motion we see the film's traumatised anti hero ( Christian Bale) slowly walking down the platform of a western train station as a train steams away. The audience knows that on the train is an equally traumatised Rosamund Pike  which whom Bale has had a relationship with , and only minutes before had the opportunity in joining for a new life away from the brutality of the Indian wars. Bale rejected the chance of salvation , his expression sort of indicating that he will return to his life of violence and savagery, but as the train moves away, right at the very final moment of the film we witness him stepping on the back of the train to physical and mental safety.
It's a lovely moment.

Like I said last night I was reminded of such a pivotal cinematic moment.
Winnie and Albert and George and I were over in the field checking on the ponies. I'm especially fond of the little gelding who is quite over friendly at times and I love blowing into his nose, taking in  that musty nutty smell horses often possess.
We were standing not far from the little cemetery behind the church and I'd already noticed that a young couple were sitting on the grass in front of a grave. The young woman, had long blonde hair and was drinking from a small bottle. I heard her laugh and watched her for a second as she gathered up some flowers to lean against a gravestone.
It felt as though she was visiting a loved one , informally and with a relaxed warmth.
And as glanced over again past the curve of the gelding's back.
I saw the girl lean over and gently kiss the top of the gravestone.

A little cinematic moment, captured in my head forever.

Where Is Mel Giedroyc when you need her?

I had a mini melt down this afternoon
A phone call gone awry
What I needed was the comic actress Mel Giedroyc to be there standing in the living room in a lurid pink jacket
Does anyone remember her comparing "  The Great British Bake off" a few years ago..?
It was the one where the pouting Ruby lost it over her complicated bake in the semi finals
Ruby was getting all flouncy and bad tempered when Mel went all Women's Institute on her.
The younger woman needed a firm hand as she was being all snappy so the ever pragmatic Mel turned on the sulky young woman with a sharp
" Ruby ...get a grip ok?...get a RUDDY grip!!!!" 

Class