The youngest member of the The Trelawnyd Flower Show Committee is now living in Spain with her family .
How wonderful she and son Milo have sent this entry in the International Novelty Veg class.
Our 2nd Spanish entry!
Thank you Hannah x
Have I got that right? I never know if it is When were you badly behaved last or when were you last badly behaved'?
Anyhow I think you get the gist of my question.
Today's blog was sparked in part by the terrible Absolutely Fabulous and in part by my best friend Nuala who blacked her eye recetly falling off a pair of high heels after a somewhat lively night out with her family.
Badly behaved Edina and Patsy from Adfab are said to be inbetween 60 and 70.
My friend Nu is galm 50.
So the question remains when were you badly behaved last?
It's around a decade since I was truly naughty.
I had quoffed too many white wines in All Bar One with my chic friend Bel Ami. He ended up flirting with the psychopath barman and swishing around the tables in a floaty zara outfit.
I fell down two flights of stairs like a sack of custard, and was only stopped from breaking my neck by the intervention of a sturdy fire door.
Happy days.
I don't drink much now, but I was always a happy/ sleepy drunk when out on the lash. This was all a bit out of odds with my parents' behaviour for my mother always started a cambative arguement after too many gins whereas my father became somewhat amorous with any passing matron after a whisky or three
I'm happy I am always sleepily benign when pissed
I love watching silly and good humoured bad behaviour , and am reminded of a time when the Prof and I with some friends went to a classical concert in the grounds of Chatsworth House.
Everyone had bought picnics and wine and champagne, and in front of us were a rather refined group of 50 year old ladies all a little worse for wear.
Suddenly the orchestra started to play Mozart's A Musical Joke ( the fourth movement ) which to those, not from the UK will not know, is the music used to front Showjumping programmes on tv!
Suddenly several of these very well dressed matrons got up and started to pretend to be " riding" horses , just like little girls do when they are six or seven. For the duration of entire piece they cantered around the circles of concert goers, their massive bosoms bouncing around beneath strings of pearls , and their faces puce with the exertion.
It was a lovely moment of pure idiocy
So dear readers, I know reactions will be many and varied
But when was your last alcohol fuelled naughty moment?
I can't wait to read them.....
Well that was an hour and a half that I won't get back!
On a whim of nostalgic loyalty the Prof and I went to see Absolutely Fabulous -The Movie this evening. I didn't expect that much; film versions of half hour sit coms never come out very well.
But this effort, which is more reminiscent of the 1970's Holiday on the Buses, is truly, truly awful.
Whether it is the limp script or tired actors but the famous Sanders and Lumley chemistry is just not present and I spent 90minutes feeling rather sad for the desperation of it all.
2/10
I saw the affable despot Jason this morning. He is off to the South of France soon and takes a pragmatic view on recent events. " Don't read the papers and don't watch 24 news on tv" he told me
" They whip up paranoia"
I agreed with him, for anecdotally, I have noticed at Samaritans, an increase in calls from the mentally ill recently.
Personally I put this down to unrest and change as reported by the media. Terrorism , political upheaval, civil unrest.....it all takes it's toll on the fragile of mind.
Around the corner from Jason and his floppy hair, I met the postman who was discussing the Nice and Turkey events with Mrs J, Mrs P and Vera ( I don't know her surname initial)
Stout hearted characters all, but all worn down just a little by the news blasting it's fear into their homes every lunchtime.
" We need some good news" one of them chirped up and I agreed when I remembered last night's flirty and vivacious Ann Atkinson who is the new Musical director of The Trelawnyd Male Voice Choir. Her bon viveur certainly has brought a spring in the step of the testosterone filled ranks of the choir, as she oozes her sexy cougar charm in every direction.
This may be a salient lesson for us all.
Doom and gloom feeds on itself, what we all need now is some flirty good humour.
So who is your Ann Atkinson? Who would you like to harmlessly flirt with over a grand piano?
Who ( apart from spouses of course) could lift your spirits in this glum world
Answers on a postcard please!
We have a small " posh" housing estate on the edge of the village. It comprises of just a dozen " upmarket" properties. Strangely enough, I don't sell more raffle tickets there compared with anywhere else in the village.
One newer resident looked somewhat confused when I introduced myself
" I already bought some Flower Show raffle tickets!" She said
" That's strange!" I replied " I'm the only one selling them!"
" No" the woman said " I've bought them off an old blind lady the other day " she came around with Ann" pointing to a nearby house where Ann, a school teacher lived.
The penny dropped,
Auntie Glad had struck again.
I went round to Ann's house to find out what was going on.
Ann was laughing yet was incredibly concerned, for Auntie Glad , for without having our official raffle tickets to flog the old gal had manufactured her own tickets to sell even though she literally cannot see her hand in front of her face.
Luckily Ann had rushed out of her house and had safely chaperoned Gladys around the houses then back home
Another resident sounded rather exasperated when I called
" She can' t be allowed to do these things" she said " she's not safe"
And all I could do was to shrug my shoulders
I should have been wearing a nun's wimple as this verse came into my mind
" How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?"
But it's a job that needs doing.
I know which householder will hide behind the curtains when I knock on the door, and I know who will buy a load from me, but I am not as talented a seller as the master Auntie Glad, who used to sell 500 door to door well into her 90's.
I must have got three dozen requests from Trelawnyd residents about her wellbeing yesterday. Being a diminutive old lady features high in the sympathy stakes when wanting people to be parted from their cash.
My chirpy smiley approach just cannot quite compete.
This afternoon I shall knock on more doors, give out more schedules and schmooze more villagers into entering their impressive blooms and oversized vegetables!
The guy from the still House may enter his bread this year, as will Affable Despot Jason who is thinking twice about giving the Adult novelty veg a go, given that he won second last year with a truly awful butternut squash creation! ( and it was shit).
One of the new residents in the pensioner bungalows used to be a multiple winner in the Mostyn Flower Show and she toyed with me somewhat about entering her baking even though she doesn't like the village.
You've got to be a serial politician doing this job!
Gay Gordon and Big Mary bought a huge handful of raffle tickets from me and cackled and laughed like drains as they did so........while a few doors away one miserable old fart literally slammed the door in my face with a curt " no!" when I waved a raffle book at him.
I'm taking Mary with me this afternoon.
Cute sells!
