Trolls and Flowers

Going Gently has had it's fair share of internet " trolls" over the years. I tend to ignore them as their faceless, anonymous presence  brings the worst out in me. I have just seen the work of a troll on Cro's gently paced French country blog and I found myself responding to his/her stupidity by posting a rather satisfying but hollow threat of " if you say anything to me , I'll bitch slap you so hard that your tits will fall off"
Yes very articulate....

Anyhow, I have just collected 8 nominations for the " Best Garden In Trelawnyd " award for the Flower Show., and it's taken some flannel,to get people to enter.......unfortunately I could not persuade our neighbours Viv and Mike to enter, for their labour of love would win the competition every single year.
Yesterday, I took these photos .......I am going to enter a couple in the Flower Show's photo competition " spring/summer"

And finally a few more novelty veg entries

Ginger

I've made The Prof a ginger cake

and I was Watched VERY very closely 

I am now writing this in the living room 35 minutes after the photo was taken

Winnie is still sat looking at the cake

International Trelawnyd ( aka A Carrot With A Big Cock)

The "Unthanks" came to Trelawnyd Memorial Hall last night. Apparently they are one of the Uk's top folk bands with an international reputation, so the village was filled with lots of people in hand knitted jumpers drinking cider.

It's a pity I was working at the hospital for what I saw of the Friday night  concert was impressive. I took the dogs out for their late walk and the village seemed alive with hairy social worker types chatting amicably  on the village green. There I bumped into an old school friend who was a little worse for wear, she told me that the folk concerts were " well worth a bloody visit" and so I promised  to go to the next one with her and her husband.
I don't think the Prof would go....he hates folk music with a passion.
And so the " International " reputation of the village grows......
Balancing the musical side of this reputation is, of course " THE INTERNATIONAL NOVELTY VEGETABLE  CLASS" in the Flower Show which has taken off again this year big style.......Only yesterday I received several entries from across the Atlantic, and in a hopeful " me, me " way I have contacted the papers with the story.
Apparently the papers  love a photo of a carrot with a big cock!
Or so I have been told............
Here are some of the latest entries

I knif of like this one

Keep em coming!

We have had a good number for North America and Australia 

But where are the British entries?

And come on Europe!

I need a good few more

Send to jgsheffield@hotmail.com

Anyhow tomorrow we are having dinner out!

Yes! How exciting is that?

I managed to book a table at Bryn William's new cafe Porth Eirias

in Colwyn Bay

He has a very successful sister restaurant in Primrose Hill in London

so the opening up of a new venue here is a wonderful coup!

Well I Never

25  fascinating facts about me
1. I learnt to swim with my best friend mike  when I was 41.
2. When I was sixteen I wrote to Olivia De Havilland in Paris and she sent me a signed Polaroid of herself.
3. I was bought my first dog in 2002
4. In 1984 I did a parachute jump from 2,500 feet
5. My porn name is Kimmy Fry
6. I have a very strong dislike of donuts
7. I was once offered sex by a girl in a hospital lift when we were both in patients ( I declined)
8. I had a relationship with a guy who, as it turned out, was engaged to a woman
9. The only bit of jewelry that I have EVER, or WILL ever wear is my wedding ring.
10. I am colourblind
11. I have been mugged just the once.
12. I was once so ill drinking tequila slammers in 1989 that I have never drank it since
13. I have only ever punched one person in anger
14. I cannot dance...not one step...and I married a ex professional dancer!
15. I have been writing a blog, more or less , everyday since 2006
16. I once poisoned 14 koi carp with a bottle of peppermint essence
17. I have walked a bride to be  down the aisle at a wedding!
18. I have already chosen my funeral music
19. If I watch The Poseidon Adventure on DVD, I can act out every line of every character for the entire movie!
20. I was 53 when I got married!
21. I once passionately kissed a policeman whilst he was on duty!
22. I can place the exciting RMN , RGN letters after my name
23. I once danced ( badly) on the roof of the cancer hospital, Weston Park in sheffield with a group of friends
24. I am an avid fan of the quiz show " only connect"
25. I have cried buckets over 3 human deaths ..........and  5 animal deaths

Pass it on..........

Burnt To Buggery

I have always had a high colour. 

When I was born, I burst forth into the world sporting big red rosy cheeks and looked rather like a miniature Santa Claus with a serious case of alopecia.......

Yes, even at the age of one, I looked like W.C. Fields with hypertension

Today I look more like Jeff Chandler from the film " Cochise"...for three hours of raffle ticket selling in the burning sun has left me with a serious case of sunburn.

My last victims of raffle ticket selling was Gay Gordon and Big Mary.......Gay Gordon who is just getting over  a recent heart attack , must have thought I was on my last legs , for he quickly sat me down in his chair by the window in an effort to bring down my colour. 

Lazy Post

But an exciting one!

Well it was until it was withdrawn

Hey ho

I'll try again

Winnie Saves Albert's Life

I've just been cooking liver and onions in the kitchen when Winnie steamrollered through from the living room and bolted out of the back door.
She bounced up the garden steps like a baby hippo and disappeared from view but started to bark, her high pitched baby voice bark down by the garden gate.
I wiped my hands and was just about to follow her up, when she thundered back into the kitchen, gave me a short hard stare then bounced into the garden again.
Bulldogs seldom hurry so I lumbered after her.
Beyond the garden gate in the rough grass behind the cottage I could hear Albert retching, and I could just see him heaving his head up and down.
Immediately I thought poison , so I galloped up and scooped him up, but it was in fact evident that he had something stuck in his throat.
I squeezed him very hard, so hard that his eyes popped and swung his head down and out flopped this!

The friggin back end of a baby mouse

Fucking idiot

These animals will be the death of me

Raffle Tickets

For the last 43 years Auntie Gladys has proved herself to be a small Welsh white haired little dynamo when it came to selling The Flower Show raffle tickets. Single Handed, around the small circle of villages that surround Trelawnyd she would march around knocking on doors with her sing song " hello" and within a matter of days would be responsible for selling 500 books without batting an eye.
Nowadays , only a few years shy of her hundredth birthday she doesn't quite have the reserves that she used to, so  the flower show committee had to take the drastic decision to limit the way "we "sell tickets and to reduce the number that we offer. that decision was governed by the fact that Gladys is now too frail to be marching house to house with a bin bag of tickets in hand.
Now, she's a wily old bird is our Gladys and only a couple of weeks ago , I caught her in Rhodfa Arthur shakily selling tickets for the forthcoming Male Voice Choir  concert., so I have made the clear decision that we will only sell tickets on the day of the show.
No tickets are to be passed into Glady's eager hands!

Having said this , because it is such a thankless job, as I go around the village giving schedules away and touting for entries in the best garden competition, I have been taking the opportunity to sell extra tickets before we open the doors.
I don't know just how Gladys sold 500-600....I was out for an hour and a half yesterday and sold only 56!

Its all go in Trelawnyd

Mind you....after giving an offer of help to the family at the still house, who are organising the folk weekend at the Village Hall...I did come home with a bottle of vintage beer

The International Entries for the Novelty Veg are still coming in.......but we need more...last year we had 68 entries...so far this year I have around 25...so please get your ideas down on film...... We need at least 60 to decorate the hall properly!