The Great British Sewing Bee

Heather doing a hidden zip

 While I have been waiting for this years's Great British bake Off , I have had to content myself with it's less well known sister The Great British Sewing Bee , which finished this evening on BBC2
Would freehand champion Chinelo beat the off the wall sewing champ Tamara? Or would horsey metaphors lover Heather gallop up on the rails ? All was to play for in this dress making tv competition' where a selection of talented British needle workers knocked up a succession of hemmed items with beautiful seams.
In the end it was posh totty Heather that won...... And fair do's her final frock was pretty impressive.....then again what the hell to I know about fashion?
I still wear wellies to the cinema

Sigh

I really only watch the show for judge Patrick Grant........his beard is worth an hour in front of the television anytime...........

A Free For All

The berlingo was having new tyres fitted this morning, and so, while the cheerful mechanics did their thing. I took myself off to a nearby " budget" supermarket for a coffee and the paper.
The coffee was shite as was the news, so I killed some time wandering around the aisles buying things I didn't really need.
I was just pricing up a packet of cheap chicken roll ( a dog treat) when I noticed a young woman brazenly stuffing a packet of meat down the sleeve of a coat she was carrying over her arm.
I turned to stare at her and she caught my eye for just a second before walking off.
It was a look more of defiance rather than shame.
And that pissed me off more than anything.
I walked  to the tills and caught the eye of a supervisor, and I told her what I had seen. I described the thief and pointed to where I last saw her, and left the professionals to it.
 A few minutes later there was a scuffle of sorts beyond the checkouts. The thief was shouting at the supervisor and a security guard. Her coat and it's contents strewn across the floor.
A packet of meat, chocolates , toiletries and what looked like expensive men's razors lay on the tiles.
Apparently razors are a popular choice by addicts as they can be sold on quickly..so my check out girl explained....she also told me that the woman in question already was banned from the store for theft.
" they come in everyday, seven days a week stealing" the checkout girl added wearily
" it's a full time job for many"

It's another world is it not?

That's my Boy

Handsome and resting

I am not a fan of big pet store chains, but I will have to admit, the groomers at our local Pet's At Home " superstore" have done a cracking job on William today.

He was so well behaved that  they have asked him to model as one of their assessment dogs.....

I will have to check if that means we get a free haircut?

I feel like a father whose toddler son has just won the egg and spoon race.

And The Car Followed....

Last Night I finished a shift at 1am in the morning.( duh I mean this morning!)
The office is located in the back streets of Rhyl, which is one of the most deprived areas in the whole of Wales....it's not a place to walk with money in your pocket.
Anyhow as I was driving through the deserted streets in the town centre, I noticed a car behind me in the rear view mirror..
I turned left from the centre
The car followed
And left again past the police station
And the car followed.
I turned right into High Street
The car followed
I drove over the railway bridge
The car followed..it was a white estate car with a single man in the driving street
I went straight on at Sainsbury's roundabout
And straight on at the  Rhuddlan roundabout
And the car followed.
There was not another soul on the road.
I entered the blackness of the countryside
The lights of the car followed me.
And I started to get nervous
2 miles later...I drove through Dyserth  village.
The white car was still there
I drove back into the countryside.
And in the mirror, the white car could still be seen.
A few miles later, Trelawnyd was in sight, and so I did something rather rash for me,
Without indicating I suddenly turned off the Trelawnyd road towards Gwaenysgor and shot down the narrow rural road to see if the car would follow........I suddenly didn't want to drive home when Chris was not there...with a strange car on my tail.
I was bloody well unnerved by the whole thing because......
The headlights suddenly ,followed me.
I shot through the " s" bends of the country road like a whippet
Turned right at the crossroads and doubled back up the tiny mouse lane towards
Trelawnyd........
I must have hit 40 mph up the pitch black one track lane
But all was quiet and in darkness behind me when I finally got home
I turned off the cottage  lights as soon as I galloped down the path
And immediately went to hide under the duvet with the dogs after double locking the back door

Annoyed that I had scared myself so much.

Oh no ....NO NO Noah!

Chris is off to Paris via Kent today...so me, Albert and the dogs shared a roast chicken and the leftover prawn crackers from last night's takeaway
( dogs absolutely adore prawn crackers if you didn't know....and even Winifred, who had never eaten one before coming to Wales, can cram a whole five inch one in her gob at one go.
Such are the little treats on a Sunday!
Now I have just sat through perhaps one of the oddest movie epics EVER...yes I finally took umbrage at Tom Stephenson's unfathomable hatred of Mr Russell Crowe and took myself off to see Noah
.....".I cannot think of anything quite so bizarre as Noah! " 
( sounds like one of the reject songs from the Sound of Music)
It's the weirdest thing since Ed Miliband .

Gone is the simple two sentence tale of a 1960s childhood, where all we knew about Noah was the animal pairs up the gangplank bit and now we have an angst fantasy story where giant stone monster angels construct a giant car park of an ark whilst Russell Crowe's Australian sounding Noah, battles with the cockney king of the barbarian's Ray Winstone whilst Welsh accented Anthony Hopkins does his Gollum impersonation on top of Mordor Mountain.
Bring back that Archers sounding nursery song " the animals came in two by two"
Ok......I did allow myself a small smile, when Noah stood before the truly impressive arrival of the bird flocks......but as for the rest!
It's a huge pile of old shite
I walked out before the end......and I wasn't the first

Wedding video......

Nicked straight from High Riser's blog ...this wedding based video ( don't worry I not becoming a bleeding weddings bore) is a real delight
Just finished a 13 hour shift...... And my feet are on fire........
So I am about to get the  bulldog of the house to lick them back into shape
Meanwhile... Watch the video and cry like a baby
http://www.acrylicafternoons.com/nmedusted.html
Ps just heard a  podcast from Jarvis  cocker's story of falling from a Sheffield window..............
Don't you just love him?

Slow Day

Not much happened in the village yesterday

Oh animal helper Pat sprayed her hair with antiperspirant 

Instead of hair lacquer 

Does that count for news?

C/o Yorkshire Pudding

Lazy blogging today...... Thanks to Yorkshire Pudding's questionnaire

What is your greatest fear?
Heights, as I have reported before. Flying too is a more recent worry the older I get.
What is your earliest memory?
Some strange looking woman looking down at me in a cot. ( she had pearls on) she looked a bit drag queen ish..go figure?
Which living person do you most admire and why?
Hummm that's a tough one......I have plenty of people on the list who have died....
After some deliberation , I would have to say my best friend Nuala. 
She grasps life by the balls every day
What was your most embarrassing moment?
Too numerous to mention......farting in front of a disabled lady as I was leaning over a large freezer in Aldi was high on the list
Property aside, what's the most expensive thing you have bought?
I am such a cheapskate....I never lay out money for anything...ask Chris!
What is your most treasured possession?
My dogs.....oh and Albert of course!
Where would you like to live?
My fantasy home would be a large apartment in New York City. Somewhere expensive in Midtown....I would insist that I have a cleaning lady that looked and acted like Thelma Ritter from REAR WINDOW a group of friends like Diane Keaton & Woody Allen and a mystery to investigate at least once a month.
However my reality fantasy home ( if you get my meaning) would be a small holding such as Pen y Cefn Isa, which is a small farm just up the lane.The farmhouse has a large farmhouse kitchen with its own dairy scullery. There are a few outbuildings, a small barn and several acres of land.
Space for a few cows, goats and more dogs. I would like a house, stables and land to act as an island
What would your super power be?
I would like to be "slimming man! "A chap who could  eat any old rubbish without putting on an ounce......
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
How long have you got? Sit down, let's discuss this over morning coffee
Who would play you in the film of your life?
Russell Crowe of course.........when I am old a grey.....Shelley Winters
What is your most unappealing habit?
Emotional masturbating
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Meanness of spirit, drunk rudeness,spitting when you talk, queenie strops,
What is your favourite book?
My family and other Animals by Gerald Durrell, 
What is your favourite smell?
More taste than smell...but it would have to be coriander
What would be your fancy dress costume of choice?
What a bleeding stupid question....
To whom would you most like to say sorry and why?
I am pretty good at apologising when it's needed....so I will have to say I would love to apologise to
my previous bulldog Mabel....I always felt that I had let her down somehow, when she was ill.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
I always punctuate a sentence with " hummmmmmm"
What has been your biggest disappointment?
Being overly shy when I was a younger man
What is your guiltiest pleasure?
I will have to say scotch eggs.....mind you...I never feel THAT guilty when I bite into one
If you could go back in time, where would you go?
I would go back to see my grandparents for one last time
What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
Always sit down on the toilet on a middle of the night pee run.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Running my own ward and coping with the headaches of 50 staff and a nhs squeezed to its limits
What makes you unhappy?
Ill health ,conflict, ........not that much......
Tell us a joke.
Ok

Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are
traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in
Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out
of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car
and hisses at them through the windshield.
Quick, quick! shouts Sister Mary Agnes, What should we
do?
Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the
abomination, says Sister Mary Vincent.
Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the
mini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissing
at the nuns. What shall I do now? she shouts.
Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water
before we left the Vatican, replies Sister Mary Vincent.
Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The
vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on
and continues hissing at the nuns.
Now what? shouts Sister Mary Agnes.
Show him your cross, says Sister Mary Vincent.
Now you're talking, says Sister Mary Agnes. She then

opens the window and shouts, Get the fuck  off our car!