Pies & Scones

Today's offering a meat and potato pie

I am a plain to average cook

But I can knock out a good pie when the need arises

This surprises me as I have hot little fat hands

The hands of a serial killer , I have been told.

My grandmother always told me that you needed cold hands for good pastry

Today I was going to ask auntie Glad what the real secret of " good pastry" when I dropped off

Some duck eggs on my rounds but as it turned out, I didn't.

She had received some bad news from the doctor about her eye sight

and as usual, all she was thinking about , was other people

" Tell Chris  I won't be able to make scones for him anymore" 

She said with a sad faraway look

I got you babe

Just been flicking  through the on line tabloids

And was a bit surprised with this photo

Cher looks a bit rough!

Things

In the living room we have a 1940s glass fronted bookcase. It is a depository for things collected over a period of fifty years.Things that would mean little or nothing to anyone else on earth.
There is nothing of great value here. A ginger jar with a cracked lid. A Christmas bauble bought in New York. A silver framed photo of Chris' grandmother. A Inlaid box stuffed full of family papers.
The flotsam and jetsam of two lives as well as one shared life together.
I don't look into the bookcase much, like most things at home you look at them without seeing. Today I did see them......Coal dust from the fire had seeped onto the shelves and needed dusting away, so for a few minutes I enjoyed the gentle memory trip that " things collected " can give you.

Poor Relation

" are you alright?"

This was from a woman visiting the new graveyard

I think I had given her somewhat of a turn

When she saw me lying face down in the snowdrops.

" I'm fine" I called over

" I am just taking photographs!"

She looked at me as if I was a loon.

Well I was taking photographs as it happened

See!

I have been busy today

I am responsible for sorting out the contents for the Trelawnyd side of the official community council

Website.

Now we will be sharing the site with our " sister" village of Gwaenysgor

and Gwaenysgor is the " posh relation"

Now if Both villagers were celebrities

Gwaenysgor would be Mary Berry and Trelawnyd would be more like Kathy Burke 

If both villages were James Bond

Gwaenysgor would be Pierce Brosnan to Trelawnyd's Daniel Craig

And if both villages were magazines

Gwaenysgor would be Homes & Gardens while Trelawnyd would be Take A Break

Ok...you no doubt get my gist

Apparently, there are people falling over themselves in Gwaenysgor with interesting web page 

information on the art group, local heritage, and that bloody important mention in the soddin Doomsday book

So I am determined for us not to look like the badly dressed spinster sister and have been busy collecting  the best bits of  the village in word and photo

Hey ho

Another Chapter

In 1957 Newmarket was renamed Trelawnyd

The funeral passed without incident as did the funeral tea, everyone pitched in, as is the norm The older members of Trelawnyd sat at the  back of the Church allowing Eileen Jones' extended family to fill the pews at the front. 

I sat with the olduns, and noticed that I was one of the youngest of the villagers to attend.

I found this incredibly sad. It felt that a chapter of the village history has almost passed

Bounced Around By the Bra Straps

With Chris away ,I "  treated " myself to a Sunday evening showing of  12 Years A Slave. Unfortunately the only cinema that was playing the movie was in Rhyl , so I took a chance and went.
There was five other people in the cinema.
A middle age couple, me and three fifteen year old girls.
I agree...not the best of mixes.
The girls were chatty and showing off with one another, so I left things well alone until we were five minutes into the film. The girls had still not settled down by then,  so I quietly walked to the back of the cinema , lent over the chairs and said in my best firm teacher's voice
" can you stop talking"
To be fair the girls apologised and all was quiet until an hour later when giggles, and the banging of phones and chairs could be heard.
I walked back yet again and hissed " I wont tell you again BE QUIET" then returned to my seat.
I thought.....firm...but fair

A minute later an anaemic looking cinema manager appeared and asked me to leave the cinema
Outside the door she told me that one of the girls had complained that I had told her off " inappropriately" and she wanted to hear " my side of the story"

Where was I ? Fucking school? What I really wanted was to fling both the manager AND the snotty teen around the multiplex by their bra straps... But all I said was that " I told them to be quiet that's all....they were noisy... Now I am missing the film, so I am going back"
The manager then informed me the the girl had been " told off" before the film had started ( if that made any difference) and I found myself suddenly getting all defensive, which pissed me off even more. I walked off back to my seat.

Now there is a serious message in all this silliness.....and that is just how vulnerable a single man is when a self confident teenage girl flexes her muscles in public.In the back of my mind all I was thinking about was what would have happened if the girl had said I had laid a hand on her?
It doesn't bare thinking about....obviously the manager had made the value judgement right in her eyes......middle aged pervert who was " BY HIMSELF"  very wrong!

Bloody hell..I am so angry at that value judgement

Anyhow teens remained thankfully silent for the rest of the film.... A film that was rather impressive to say the least..

Michael Fassbender and Chewitel  Ejiofor wonderful acting

Here's To You Mrs Robinson

I am waiting for a chicken to cook. Then I can retrieve it from the oven to cool so I can go out for a walk. Chris is off to London at 1pm,  so I need to get an early lunch ready, he is busy sorting the academic world of research out in his office.
I have been clearing clinkers out of the living room stove.

" ok lads , same again!"

For over twenty minutes Winifred has been trying to seduce George. Her method , me feels, is based on Anne Bankcroft's performance of Mrs Robinson in The Graduate , albeit just slightly more subtle.
Back up to prospective victim
Push vagina slowly into face
Wait for a reaction.
I am sure that this ploy has worked very effectively for her in the past.
George however, unlike Dustin Hoffman, is not interested and has spent the time counting the small green leaf designs on the living room wallpaper.
That's my boy!

Many many moons ago now, I was subjected to a rather florid seduction attempt from an older woman who bore a remarkable resemblance to Joanna Lumley ( well to her alter ego Patsy Stone actually) Luckily I don't remember that much about this unfortunate interlude, (thanks to the mind numbing properties of Gordon's gin) But at least , it can be said that
I have ticked that particular box so to speak....
A box, thank goodness, that I shall not be revisiting anytime soon.

Scald

Irene keeping her distance in the  background after the tussle

A disabled rabbit

A hormonal and sexually promiscuous Bulldog

A cat with an arthritic back leg

A run down muddy coloured hen

And now a couple of limping sheep

What next?

One of the Welsh terriers with a STD?

I wouldn't be at all surprised.

Anyhow I knew roughly what to do with Irene and Sylvia, 

Check the hooves, shorten them if necessary and spray the feet

Giving particular attention to between the toes

Simples

There was only one fly in the ointment

I have not managed to catch either ewe as yet

This morning my sheep(y) friends came around to help catch the buggers, but both ewes Sussed what we were up to and kept their distance.
This afternoon I waved a couple of pieces of cheap white bread at them and in the
Scrum that followed caught irene by the horns and then
got smacked a nut busting clack in the knackers
before I managed to trim and spray her feet.

I have asked gentleman farmer Ralph from down the lane if he would help me catch
Sylvia tomorrow
She's so nervy I am contemplated spiking her corn with
Rohypnol

I think I sprayed more of my hand than the sheep's feet

My purple fingers with a rather worried Mary