I am waiting for a chicken to cook. Then I can retrieve it from the oven to cool so I can go out for a walk. Chris is off to London at 1pm, so I need to get an early lunch ready, he is busy sorting the academic world of research out in his office.
I have been clearing clinkers out of the living room stove.
For over twenty minutes Winifred has been trying to seduce George. Her method , me feels, is based on Anne Bankcroft's performance of Mrs Robinson in The Graduate , albeit just slightly more subtle.
Back up to prospective victim
Push vagina slowly into face
Wait for a reaction.
I am sure that this ploy has worked very effectively for her in the past.
George however, unlike Dustin Hoffman, is not interested and has spent the time counting the small green leaf designs on the living room wallpaper.
That's my boy!
Many many moons ago now, I was subjected to a rather florid seduction attempt from an older woman who bore a remarkable resemblance to Joanna Lumley ( well to her alter ego Patsy Stone actually) Luckily I don't remember that much about this unfortunate interlude, (thanks to the mind numbing properties of Gordon's gin) But at least , it can be said that
I have ticked that particular box so to speak....
A box, thank goodness, that I shall not be revisiting anytime soon.
I have been clearing clinkers out of the living room stove.
 |
| " ok lads , same again!" |
Back up to prospective victim
Push vagina slowly into face
Wait for a reaction.
I am sure that this ploy has worked very effectively for her in the past.
George however, unlike Dustin Hoffman, is not interested and has spent the time counting the small green leaf designs on the living room wallpaper.
That's my boy!
I have ticked that particular box so to speak....
A box, thank goodness, that I shall not be revisiting anytime soon.
In my case, she was younger and thought getting me drunk and stoned would turn me into a straight bloke. Might have worked if she wasn't of Greek heritage and so hairy. Nah, it wouldn't have really, regardless.
ReplyDeleteWhy do women always make the wrong choices?
DeleteIs that a sexist question, or just an empirical observation?
Oh... I'll ask the one who eventually chose me...
DeleteWell it depends if you want to be chosen
Deleteit sounds as if there are a lot of bamboozled peeps around!
ReplyDeleteAin't THAT the truth
DeleteKoo-koo-ka-choo, Mrs. Robinson . . .
ReplyDeletehey, hey . . . ho
Jesus loves you more than you will know.
DeleteThat particular ploy never worked for me either John !!!!!!!!! hahaha
ReplyDeleteHave a nice lunch !!!! XXXX
Not what I've heard! X
Deletewe'd like to know a little bit about your style
ReplyDeletewe'd like to help you learn to help yourself
heh :)
Hey hey hey
DeleteIf you're waiting for a chicken to cook, you could be waiting for some time. They're not known for helping out in the kitchen.
ReplyDeleteMade me giggle!
DeleteHe does that to all the ladies
DeleteI'm fun-size at heart...
Deleteas always great post and great comments!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you Gil x
Deletepoor winnie, i remember those days so well.
ReplyDeleteYou old slag x
Deleteyou always bring a smile to my face !!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are not the first one to say that x
DeleteAlways entertaining, frequently amazing
ReplyDeleteI aim to please x
DeleteI thought back to our animals in first heat, before a trip to the vet. Fiona, the Cairn, wasted several days trying to seduce a very puzzled Angus. I do remember all the male cats following Xenia around, though, asking each other if they should be doing something.
ReplyDeleteYes it gets painfully noisy sometimes
DeleteThere is a bubble coming out of that Scottie's head which I can read quite clearly John. It says "Scottie/Bulldog cross? I don't think so."
ReplyDeleteNot EVER!
DeleteCount your blessings that you don't have a Siamese cat in heat. OMG - I remember the pitiful, and painful to the ears, yowls! I got desperate in the night and opened the door to send her out strolling!
ReplyDeleteNancy (now in Savannah)
I second that!
DeleteJohn, just remember one thing: Jesus loves you more than you will know.
ReplyDeleteHo ho ho
DeleteHoho ho
Lets have some more Simon and Garfunkel, John. There is a northwest connection = 'Homeward Bound' was written at Widnes train station. I am a mine of useless information. You always make me laugh -thanks!
ReplyDeleteYou tart Winifred ! I love her x
ReplyDeletePoor George !
ReplyDeletecheers, parsnip
A gay man and a cougar's box....ready when you are, Mr DeMille....
ReplyDeletenaughty naughty x
DeleteWhen Lulu had her first season she rubbed her rear up against everyone including my father who was eighty at the time.
ReplyDeleteIt was acutely embarrassing and cringeworthy.
God bless you, please, Mrs. Robinson, heaven holds a place for those who pray. Perhaps I shall try out Winnie's seductive method on Willy Dunne Wooters.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
How very dare you !!!!!! XXXX
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in my early twenties, an older woman, owner of a local shop, tried to seduce me but I was too intimidated by her worldly-wise air to respond. A pity, I would probably have learnt a lot!
ReplyDeleteGeorge does look quite bored. Have a good week, John!
ReplyDeleteI have to say that your post made me laugh out loud. Way out loud. And then, I read the comments. Great entertainment for my night! lol
ReplyDelete"Back up to prospective victim
ReplyDeletePush vagina slowly into face
Wait for a reaction."
No young (or even old) ladies seemed to be aware of that technique when I was around them.
Maybe it was just something about me.
Brilliant post and even better comments .....
ReplyDeleteThe advantage to catching up on your blog posts is getting to read a great entry and great comments.
ReplyDeleteLife isn't always easy especially when hormones are involved. But how gorgeous is Goerge?!!
ReplyDeleteReminds me of when my kitten went into heat before her spay surgery. It was not pretty.
ReplyDelete