A Paso

I have not really been following Strictly

But I must admit Susanna Reid ( a newscaster and non dancer)

Should win the contest

Just watch this paso

Cracking 

It's all part of the job

In my professional capacity,I have been insulted by the best and by the worst members of society.

The most effective " insulters", in my experience are always manic depressives who are entering their " manic " phases, as they can often latch on a weakness or defect in your psychi or personality and exploit it mercilessly.
It's a product of having a thousand thoughts flashing through your mind every second

My very favourite insult came from an incredibly well-to-do elderly lady of some means and standing. She looked me up and down as I was showing her around the psychiatric ward she had just been admitted to and with a click of her fingers referred to me as a
" pious double chinned little turd"
She also introduced me to a fellow patient as " an unfortunate fat wombat of a staff nurse" which tickled me too.....I have always loved a quick witted bitch slap of a put down.
Last night a confused patient called me a " pig ugly twat"
To which I said a calm and measured " please don't say things like that, I am one of the nurses looking after you"
The patient looked at me incredulously and called out a triumphant and somewhat lusty
" you are a pig ugly nurse then"
You can't disagree with logic

Nocturnal Activities

I have spent the day in bed
Back to work tonight.
I used to enjoy doing a run of nights in wintertime when I was a younger nurse
Bloody hell, I used to do seven consecutive shifts in a row, and slept all day every day between every one of them.
Natural sunlight was never seen.
Home was sleep and junk food.
Now I seldom do more than one night shift at a time, so a day in bed today felt indulgent and all a bit naughty.
It has also taken it's toll on my 51 year old face
Which now looks like a bag of spanners

An Evening With Mrs Trellis

Sometimes I do think that I live in a 1950- esque bubble

Last night was a case in point

Mrs Trellis ( of  " North Wales" fame)

Invited us and the vicar to dinner.

Best china

A nice home cooked meal

Sherry to start

And when we left, each of us was given a small gift wrapped in pink tissue paper

A tea towel and a small chocolate bar

The thought could not have been sweeter

The Joys of Motherhood

Before daybreak, I have been doing what all weary " parents" have done since the dawn of time, and that is amble around the house after a sick " child" with a bucket of disinfectant and a sponge in hand.
A wandering dog with diarrhoea can be a somewhat trying experience , especially when he has positioned his botty exactly over a large crack in the ancient varnished floorboards in the bedroom before " letting rip".
I don't know about you, but trying to wheedle a line of shit out of a 4 millimetre crack with a sliver of tissue in  the middle of the night is not a bag of laughs, I can tell you

Having said this
At least Scottish Terriers don't bawl when they are poorly

Classy Bitch

It has been just one of those wet and miserable days today....the sort that mean that you get a soaking every time you venture out of he door. Finally, I had to sit in a hot bath, just to make myself feel a little more human and was just enjoying the peace and quiet of the living room post soak, when I thought I would capture this idyllic moment for posterity
The bulldog belch at the end just about kills the mood

Sigh

For a minute or so I was convinced I had contracted " something serious"

I was peeing blood at

a wee stop just after antiques road trip

Then I remembered

I ate two large portions of pickled beetroot for lunch

Two new Beaks

Although I have done my stint on the community council, I have agreed to continue helping to develop the council's official website.
Today I took the opportunity to take some " local photographs" for it, although I have not got a brilliant eye for an arty shot and had just got back home when another small addition to the Ukrainian village turned up on the back of a farm trailer.
Chicken coop number 14, complete with two ancient and half blind hens were in need of a new home. The family's new puppy had made it his mission to eat the poultry's droppings at every given moment and had made himself poorly., and so the pensioners had to be rehomed
With me
Heyho

Bingley giving the pensioners the once over

Not an interesting fart based blog entry
Apologies......