Going Gently

The Other Side Of Winifred

This afternoon, As I was walking through the field gate with a bucket of eggs, I spied a young man running from out of our back gate. He stopped in the lane and started to check his pant leg and from where I was standing I could clearly hear George barking wildly.
I shouted to him and jogged over calling out a pretty lame " can I help you?"
The man looked frightened but was smiling
" that bloody great big thing chased me down the path" he said pointing to the gate.
Behind the bars and In front of the other dogs stood Winifred.
She was staring at the man intently and was snorting like a bull
" I was only just putting a leaflet through the door" he moaned " God I thought I was a gonna"
I started to laugh, I had left the back door open when I went to collect the eggs, and Winifred had been fast asleep on the kitchen floor.
I think they had both frightened each other.for when the man saw the shocked face of a fat bulldog he ran for it...and she legged it after him.
Who would have thought it? Winifred is now officially a guard dog
" she didn't bite you did she?" I asked remembering that he had been checking his pant leg
" no" he said, but I am sure I could see bulldog slobber
" I am sorry", I said " she's a big soft puddin really"
The leaflet man looked dubious
" she looks like a tank"
And when he handed me a new schedule for our refuse collections
His hand was shaking

Bake Off Week 7

Well it's Bake off night

And the going is getting tough

Loveable Glenn has been kicked off for a puff pastry malfunction ( how apt)

Welsh gal Becca cranked up a gear

Francis got a well deserved merit

And big head Kimberly really got on my tits

Best bit of the programme

The much repeated

And well loved

" get a ruddy grip" telling off by Mel

Loved it

Officialdom

Do academics make passes as nurses who wear glasses.?.....I will ask chris

It's the curse of the middle aged.....

I have been battling officialdom all day
And my stress levels have been sufficiently raised to a level that would make the likes of Mother Theresa kick the shit out of one of her fellow nuns.
First my " emergency" designer scotch Egg gift from Tom Stevenson was NOT delivered by the post office ( the postie left one of those " we couldn't deliver your parcel" letters even though I was in the cottage at the time!) .....The lady in the sorting office told me that I could not retrieve the eggs until tomorrow and could not quite understand my chagrin as I shared with her my worry that the said egg may " go off" in the warmth of its packaging!........., then I had a somewhat lively debate with the water board about one of their tankers who has clipped my field wall yet AGAIN! before spending a wonderful 45 minutes explaining to a painfully polite but ever so vague call centre lady in the Indian sub Continent , that Bt had sent me the wrong broadband hub replacement .
I could spit
At least my new £ 1.99 ebay magnifying spectacles WERE delivered without incident

For the first time in months I can actually read the small print!

Does My Bum Look Big In This?

I have now lost 10 lbs in 21 days

I was stood half asleep after being on the scales at fat club tonight

When the leader said cheerfully

"Looking good girlfriend"

I smiled and said " thank you" like a schoolgirl

Then shut up rather quickly

She had been talking to someone else

Hey ho

Very tired tonight.....
It all got rather fraught when I got home..
Chris has lost a slipper
And Winifred seems to be the prime suspect

The Object Of Someone's Affection

I had a busy shift with my patient last night

and after walking the dogs, doing some shopping and finishing some housework

I " accidently" fell asleep in the arm chair after opening up my Ipad

I woke up a hour or so later, with a bad neck, drooling saliva down my chin

And with two sets of ladies eyes staring intently into my face

Oh to be the object of someone's affection

To Do List

Seeing Othello the other night, meant that another one of those things on my " to do" list had been ticked off. " To do" lists are the everyday version of the more glamorous and definitely more emotive " bucket lists" .....you know...the ones where someone hurls themselves out of an airplane with a fixed smiling expression plastered all over their grey faces or get their snorkel blocked off by a dolphins nether regions in a therapeutic " swimming experience"
" To do" lists are a little more pragmatic
And for the most part, I am sure, a little cheaper.

Here are a few of mine for the next twelve months

-Find a ram to impregnate Sylvia and Irene this autumn ( he needs to be a small fellow)
Lamb chops in the freezer by spring

-Start a conversational Spanish course during the cold winter months so that I can at least attempt to conquer my embarrassingly British condition of being silently paralysed in social situations whilst on holiday

- reach my target weight ( or near enough) before Christmas so that I can bend over in public without letting out a pressure fart that sounds like the Queen Mary's Hooter going off.!

-wear a dinner jacket in public! ( we are going to New York again next year ...and so...in the big apple....I can revisit my Towering Inferno tuxedo fetish)

- learn how to .....milk a cow
And Spin my own wool

- not to get too embroiled in The WALKING DEAD series 4 ( yeah right!)

- win the BEST QUICHE class in the Trelawnyd Flower Show ( just the bleeding once!)

- get our grandfather clock working

- finish my Samaritan training.