Two Legs In One Hole

I didn't sleep well last night. A huge badger spent an age mooching around the animal feed bins during the wee small hours and as our bedroom window was open on one of the hottest evenings of the year, we could hear every bang,clatter and grunt as he manfully tried to remove the metal bin lids from their containers.
Finally I couldn't bear it any longer, so I grabbed a pair of shorts and t shirt and staggered off down stairs to see the intruder off.
I got dressed in the kitchen and hurried out onto the lane where I realised that I had somehow jammed  two legs in just one leg of my shorts.
Now, this has never happened to me before.
but I learnt very quickly that it is incredibly difficult ( but not impossible) to walk quickly and effectively in a straight line when you can't " spread your legs properly" so to speak.
It was 1 am in the morning, so I couldn't  be arsed re dressing myself properly, so I minced down the lane in a series of " baby-doll" steps to chase away a fat arsed badger with a taste for poultry corn.
Then minced all the way back to bed.
Thank goodness no one was around.
I looked like the worst drag queen on God's Earth

Never Work With Turkeys and children

 Right on time the Judge of the open day's " Best Name For The Turkey" competition arrived to pose for his publicity shots. Larger-than-life local wag Peter and his better half Val had a slightly exasperating time of it during the photos shoot as the turkey ( the artist formally known as Bingley)  proved himself to be somewhat of a Mariah Carey diva and stropped around in front of the camera like a big girls' blouse.
Mrs Trellis will be running the competition on the day

To Bed

Just off to bed and I received this photo from our dog groomer

Mildred ( Millie) needs a home!

!!!!!!!!!!bloody. Hell!..... 

How Does THAT Make You Feel?

I have just spent a day training as a Samaritan volunteer
And I am all "active listened" out.
I have been non judgemental, balanced and incredibly objective
I have used open questions,
Utilised appropriate pauses and
Shown people respect, patience and time...

And on the way home I was cut up by a red Toyota driven by a ten year old youth at Rhuddlan Roundabout and yelled a lusty bellow of  "WANKER!" Out of the Berlingo window as he weaved into the distance
Hey ho

Visiting

This afternoon, I went to visit a friend.
They are ill and the illness can no longer be treated.
I suspect that deep down I had been putting the visit off
It was a sad visit, but not a tragic one.
My friend talked candidly , in a matter-of-fact way about things,  a bottle of morphine sitting on the table in between us.
I felt slightly odd but privileged to be there.
Chatting and listening in the cool darkness of a small kitchen.

Operation Open Day

It looks like a bog standard black file to many, but to me it is my open day " bible". The open allotment day organisation plan started yesterday. Like any event that " looks" good fun. it can be a logistical nightmare to sort out. Favours have to be asked, help has to be sought and boxes need to be ticked and all on the back of the Flower Show, which is only a month away itself.
Already items for the produce and craft stall have arrived to be boxed up ready for the day and this morning I have an appointment with Mrs Trellis, from the village who has kindly offered me her services for the day

donated craft work and produce

 I could not persuade the vicar to pose with Bingley for a publicity shot for "name the turkey competition" so local affable character Peter has jumped into the fray to judge the entries (avid readers may remember him for having the infamous astroturf in his award winning garden a year or so ago)

I think the local papers may jump at the chance to have a "man and turkey" photo shot....a first for The Prestatyn Journal and The Flintshire Chronicle me thinks.

Peter on his notorious astroturf

So locals beware. I shall be buttonholing you very soon.....be prepared to be asked for one of the following before the 1st of September

a home made cake

(failing that a shop bought one!)

a raffle prize

any produce or craft item

Larson Genius

The Game

A few months ago , I wrote a blog about a " bathtime"game Albert the cat played with the dogs. This morning the game was repeated yet again, proving in my mind, that animals do possess a sense of humour of sorts.
I took Chris to the station at 6.30  this morning and as it was too early to let the animals out ( foxes still awake) I got myself a coffee, clicked onto the BBC News website on the old IPad and plonked myself on the loo for a nice......read!
It is then that the game invariably starts.
Albert singled out one of the dogs in the living room and playfully arse slaps them before galloping for the stairs. Terriers have no off button when this sort of shocking abuse occurs , so within seconds cat and dogs are hurtling around the cottage like loons. Albert feet ahead of a pack of drooling,goggled eyed stupid faced dogs.
After a few minutes of up stairs and down stairs hysteria, Albert invariably will then shoot into the bathroom ,bounce silently into the bath, where he lies down for a breather as the dogs scream around the cottage, totally unaware of what happened to him.
It is a joke Albert always seems to enjoy.
This morning, however, he was not as quick and as clever as he usually is and after months of being made fools of, the dogs finally found his secret hiding place with a deafening chorus of yelps
It may be of mild interest to some, that I was reading all about the Egyptian Military coup when all this was going on..........