Cheap Date

Dipping crackers into cream cheese and leaving crumbs
Farting loudly in the bath and enjoying the increase of  the foam layer.
Sucking chocolate from a chocolate finger
Popping bubble wrap,
Sitting in the dark with a layer of thick face cream on
Burping after too much diet coke
Lying in your own field looking up at the sky,
Reading the news during a long bowel movement on the loo,
My queeny toy being watched very closely by an interested bulldog
Mushy peas on toast,
Realising that you are the only person in the cinema
Having your toes licked by a dog,
Tinned peaches and evaporated milk,
Sex
Clean sheets and cool pillowcases,
Singing,
Laughing at a private joke,
Lying in bed after a particularly horrendous night shift while your husband and mother in law are out shopping for the day


All nice things that cost next to nothing

Wandering Lonely as a cloud.

Sorrel amid the daffs

The meadows at Bodnant Gardens are filled nose- to- nipple with yellow daffodils, which is a stunning sight when viewed in situ so to speak.

It's A Knockout!

Between Winnie and Mary,  Sorrel has suffered the onslaught of cups of coffee knocked from hands, masturbation on slippers , giant paws bashing perfectly well coiffured outfits and food stolen from plates when her  back has been turned..
At various points in the day,loud  shrieks can be regularly heard as Welsh terrier gleefully ambushes old lady as she potters around at her ablutions.
It's great sport!
Sorrel is not really a dog lady

I shall leave you with this old blog post from a few years ago...I know it's lazy blogging but it made me laugh when I re read it....it kind of captures Sorrel so well
Enjoy

The Prof made himself comfortable as Sorrel and I had a chat about nothing....these "nothing"conversations drive him to distraction.......which makes them even more entertaining.
Sorrel " I love slices mango and melon"
John: " Do you?........I am a bit partial to pineapple chunks myself"
Sorrel: " Really?"
The Prof " harrumphs" at this point.
John " yes......especially tinned pineapples"
Sorrel" thats strange, I would have thought you'd go for fresh

Brief silence

Sorrel: " Do you like raspberries John?"
John " I've gone off them a bit "
Sorrel " hum"
John:" they are a bit bland, the ones from the supermarket"

Sorrel " What about strawberries?"
The Prof then sighs very loudly and shifts in his deck chair
John" Oh I love stawberries ! ........"
Sorrel " I love them too"
Prof ( under his breath ) " oh For fuck's sake"

Long silence

Sorrel " John......what Are your thoughts on passion fruit?"
The Prof screaming into the wind " OH MY GOD........I WAS ADOPTED!!!!!!"

Mother In Law " sitting"

Selfies on Llandudno Pier

A Wonderful World

The Prof is busy at work today and so I am entertaining the mother in law.

A Garden Centre, a trip to a vintage clothes store in an attempt to sell some of her Victorian clothes and lunch out at a rather nice restaurant is the order of the day.

I'll post a selfie of us later! 

In the meantime have a look at this video taken in the village hall recently.

It's a clip of Chelsea Cameron, the daughter of Sandra who is the Hall's caretaker and winner of the Best in Show at The Trelawnyd Flower Show.

Chelsea has a lovely voice and it a bit of a star in the village.

Given the bad news in London recently, the title of this song couldn't be better chosen.

Sit back and enjoy 

Xxxx

Operation Dog Snot Removal and Other Thoughts.

A week ago  I walked up from Westminster Pier and into the sunshine which bathed Big Ben. It was 2pm in the afternoon.

Oh for the grace of " something" go I!  

Today, London is back to business and that is how it should be. 

Today, we have spring sun here in Trelawnyd, and there are a few more people to be seen, which is nice. Trendy Carol, sprightly after a recent holiday , had a nice jacket on I noted and as we stopped for George to catch up with us after his mooch on the village green , I watched a woman cut her partner's toenails as they sat in a nearby conservatory! A surreal little moment of normality as I mused over the fact that over a dozen nationalities were caught up in The Westminster attack.

Today

" Operation Dog Snot Removal" is in full force .

Sorrel, the mother in law, comes to stay later today.

I was hanging her newly laundered duvet cover over the field gate to dry when Sailor John reminded me that I needed to organise the first of this year's Flower Show meeting. I had just received the invoice for the Church linens which some of the Flower Show's profits will be buying so it was on my mind anyway. We will be having the meetings in the Crown Pub this year, with all of us mourning Auntie Glad's kitchen table get togethers as we do so. 

Mrs Trellis was out in the sunshine as I fed corn to the bachelor bantams , we talked about yesterday's London attack and her response was the best I have heard over the last 24 hours.

With her oversized bobblehat bobbing from side to side, she summed up her thoughts thus

" Worrying about it is like sitting in a rocking chair all afternoon! .....it gives you something to do but it gets you nowhere!" 

Wise words.

Clean Sheets

Sometimes a patient just cannot rest.......it often happens when they are dying.
You have administered all the medications you can. You have turned them into a more comfortable position. You have talked to them, held their hand, Watered them , and soothed them but still their restlessness continues and that makes you frustrated and helpless and the family fraught and pained.

There is something that can be done at times like these, and I was reminded of this when a dear friend shared their observations on the subject this morning.
You wash your patient, and you change the bed sheets.
There is something fundamental in this simple act of care, as in some strange way, the simple feeling of clean skin, damp hair that is combed and brushed and crisp clean sheets under a tired body that transports you to Sunday childhood bedtimes after bath time.

Rest hopefully will come then, often when dawn is breaking.
The power of crisp clean sheets.

Women of The Walking Dead

Sasha and Rosita

At the start of The Walking Dead , the women's roles were generally supportive to the men. in that way the series mirrored The disaster movie formula of the 1970s where women were decorative, weak and in need of saving.
Now in series seven, the zombie apocalypse has seen a blossoming of woman power as the likes of Maggie takes the leadership role in  Hilltop and Jadis and the women of Oceanside effectively run the two other communities adjacent to the saviour stronghold.
Carol, now out of her fugue is effectively second in command in Kingdom , Michonne remains a born warrior and Rick's main support in Alexandria and Rosita, a sexy stereotype from the comics has now been given a more substantial backstory where she admits teaming up with men, not for protection they may offer but for the skills they could teach her in survival. " Sex was a bonus" she tells Sasha, underlining that any " using" was done by her and not by the men , now all deceased.
It's an interesting twist.
In team Rick the women now outnumber the men ( a fact that doesn't bode well for Sasha) and with Jesus coming out...we now have four gay characters in the storylines too!

The Boys are back in town

 The three bachelor bantams that I thought had a new home a few months ago have returned to the Ukranian Village after pissing off their new owners with a show of Drama queen behaviours.
Worthy of three Joan Crawfords at a cocktail party.
Older with their tiny bodies full of testosterone, each one has tested me with a miniature  show of I'm in charge but I was on nights again last night so I was in no mood for histrionics and each one got slapped down with a show of force when sharp little feathered feet started to tantrum.

Losing One's Cool

The older I get, the easier I find it is to mobilize and show my displeasure about things.
Pussyfooting around is often the polite thing to do, but it often does not work with some who are dense, uninterested or both.
Sometimes a spade has to be called a spade.
Plain and simple.
The other night, fed up with one blogger's troublemaking on another's blog , I gave my frank and unsolicited  thoughts on the situation.
I hoped it helped .
Being called a twat, publicly is not nice
But it was kind of satisfying to do
On the internet it is easy to give your opinion.
In real life, it is not quite so easy.

The best put down I ever witnessed was on the 95 bus from Sheffield City Centre to Walkley one dismal evening many years ago and it involved a young mother of two and not a swear word in " sight"
The bus was busy, as was the traffic, so three large teenage lads, bored and fractious at the stop/start nature of the journey suddenly got up to no good and tripped up an elderly woman who had gotten ready to leave. The old woman stumbled into the laps of other commuters amid the giggles of one boy and suddenly the young woman was up out of her seat and in the boy's face.
In a clear, loud voice she said " what on EARTH are you doing?" 
The boy squirmed but she refused to let him unlock her gaze
" Have you a grandmother?" She asked him.
The boy tried to front her out and tightened his lips
" Have you a grandmother?" she demanded again
And she repeated the question several more times before the boy final answered in the affirmative
" Shame on you! " the woman said carefully and the boy's face flushed with tears as the confrontation was over.

The brave young woman with her two kids and shopping bags looped over her pushchair  not only shamed  that boy and his cronies but also pricked the conscience of an entire busload of passengers, including myself, who  probably would have done nothing but tut at the teen's behaviour.

Smile and Glide

I don't miss nurse management. Those long days of fire fighting problem after problem after problem with little to no thanks and limited encouragement!
It's often a thankless task.
I was supposed to be working tonight on a night shift but offered to change it to monday night to cover staff shortages. The manager was grateful but didn't quite understand my sacrifice .
" I'll be missing The Walking Dead I hope you realise !" 
They smiled weakly.
Smile and glide I told them, smile and glide.


anyway today's blog is a big up for one of our dear friends Weaver of Grass who is going through a difficult , firefighting time of her own. A plucky octogenarian who always walks on the right line good taste and politeness, Weaver has been blogging for years about her gentle rural existence in North Yorkshire and her comments on our blogs have been always supportive , gently mocking and above all interested in what we all have to say.

We need to send her our love and support at this time

" Grow Up"

Your not funny my friend!!!! Xxx

So messaged a fellow nurse on facebook a few minutes ago
The sweet, good natured nurse at work cut the top of a buttock at home in a " backing into the shower door" incident last night.
As it was hurting her, a female colleague and I suggested that she showed us the injury so that we could assess it and dress it.
In the treatment room we got a good look at the trusting lass' nether region
And with gloves on I suggested I trace around the bruising with a finger!
Secretly
I then drew a zombie face on her arse with a pen!

Not Today

No blog

Working all day!

Another Day, Another Vet Visit

I'm running late today.
Writing this in the vets' surgery..Winnie has gone to have her sutures out trotting away like a baby hippo.
There is a new male vet on duty who looks twelve. Winnie's not bothered how old he was
as he's wearing overalls so looks like a workman...He took her lead and She followed him into the treatment room like a cheap whore!
I am glad I don't have to help lift her onto any observation table as the button has just pinged off my trousers and I am relying on  the zip to hold them up.....I re start fat club on Monday.....as I only have three pairs of trousers I still fit into! Middle aged spread....it's a dreadful thing.
There is much laughter coming from the treatment room.
I wonder what she's up to

A Lovely, Lovely Heart.

I watched the kennel owner bathing William's blind eye when I arrived at the kennels this morning.
They both were sat quietly in the sun in one corner of the courtyard as Mary careered like a loon across the gravel chased by a dim, friendly cockerpoo with learning difficulties.
The kennel owner was rocking him back and forth  as she dab-dab dabbed and as she worked she cooed at him as a mother would do to a baby.
It was a strangely moving tableau.
" He's the gentlest dog I've ever had here" she told me after she had put him onto his feet so he could amble across to greet me " All the kennel girls love him so" 
William stopped , placed a paw onto her knee and stood up to sniff her face
" He has a lovely, lovely heart" she said

Lamb Chop

I walked from our hotel at Russell Square down to St Pauls in blistering sunshine, then went for a therapeutic trip on the London clipper on the Thames then after a short jaunt to the British Museum i met the prof for a late lunch at Dishoom

Dishoom is a delight.......it also serves the best lamb chops this side of Christmas
I ate three in 12 minutes!

Top Of Their Game

We had fantastic seats for The Royal Ballet's Sleeping Beauty

I think I understood it all

King and Queen had a baby ( they didn't dance much)

Lots of fairies jumped around

While posh people applauded from the wings

Good bit when rats ran on with Cruela de Ville

More dancing 

A Lass in white frock jumped around some more and Cruela shouts at her

Girl falls asleep

Bloke with massive, lovely thighs leaps around to lots of applause 

Lots of others jump around

We all had ice cream

More jumping and dancing

Big Kiss

Marriage

Everyone claps! 

It was fantastic

Days Out

I'm running late today.....I was running late yesterday too.....didn't watch The Walking Dead until gone 11pm....apologies for not answering any comments.
I'm going to London today ( hence typing this in bath) I also am nursing a pulled groin which was the result of doing the splits on a slippy gravestone this early this morning rather than the lumbering around on the badminton court I did last night.
I am reminded here of Elise's embarrassing story from yesterday's blog, for like her, I am still blushing at the way I sort of crumpled to the floor, like a bowl of thick trifle hitting concrete from a great height.
Thank God no one saw me.
The last time I embarrassed myself publically was on Saturday when I coughed and farted very loudly in the queue at the spar garage!

Eye On The Background

I adore this video. It is so funny on so many levels.
I was reminded of this " what's going on behind you" phenomenon this morning when I bumped into a former colleague from work outside the vets in Denbigh this morning.
I had William and Winnie with me both on leads .
My friend had a rather over weight mongrel tied to a pushchair. In the pushchair was an eighteen month old baby in a bright blue romper suit ( I tell you only in way of adding a bit of local colour)
The dogs all were good natured and friendly.
We chattered for a while and swapped small talk as they sniffed and licked.
Moments later I had said goodbye and had lifted Winnie into the back seat of the car.
As I turned to William , I could see his tail wagging guiltily .
In his mouth was a half masticated baby's rusk.

Tits over Deco

I was impressed by two things yesterday.
Brie Larson's tits was one ( well two!)
And an art deco pub called The Albion in the fortified town of Conwy was the other!

 

The Albion 

We have started to have a few hours off in the pub on a weekday afternoon recently. It works very well as I drive ( I hate having a drink in an afternoon) and the Prof can have a few pints of special brewed beer ( not my favourite tipple)
Our chosen venue is the aforementioned real ale pub The Albion which is a delightful and untouched 1920s public house which has scrubbed tables, quality scotch eggs as snacks and doggie treats for customer dogs who are allowed in all rooms!
I took a broadsheet newspaper and Mary and The Prof took a trashy Miss Marple-ish book and in front of a real fire we read then chatted to a couple of fellow drinkers who fell in love with Mary, who sat politely next to me.
Britain does do pubs well, when they do pubs well......
I would have taken Winnie but I think even with the recent hysterectomy she would have found someone to masturbate over!
Anyhow
Later on I dragged The Prof and my sister to see Kong Skull Island which had some of the worst dialogue since Helen Reddy's Nun said of Linda Blair's seriously ill passenger in AIRPORT 75 " The poor kid , she's in Washington  and her kidney is in Los Angeles"
Brie Larson's bust was impressively on show though....and I felt almost heterosexual after two hours of it heaving in front of the cameras! It's a shame really she was soo good in the movie Room.

Bosoms