I have just had a run in with Thomas the gander during feeding time. This perhaps underlines the fact that I am not quite firing on all cylinders at the moment, for when I bent down to fill their water bowl I never noticed his low, rear guard attack posture and only really "reacted" to his presence after he had took a firm hold of two inches of underwear elastic and an unhealthy amount of buttock in his sharp, serrated beak.
I hit a top "c" that anyone on the male voice choir would have been proud of, spun around and instinctively punched him as hard as I could right in the kisser.
He let go, staggered back a few steps in shock then gave me a rather half arsed "Honk" of threat
I jumped around a little, fingering a hole in my undies and flicked him the "v"s even though I was feeling dreadully guilty
No matter how ill you may be, animal enemies will always seek out a chink in your armour
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Moving on.....
Last night I watched with interest a channel four documentary entitled quite simply
Coppers
This second series started off in Mansfield, Nottinghamshire and followed the mundane, stressful, irritating, hands-tied and frustrating world of an urban British CID force.
Part of the documentary was the "seen it all before" fly-on-the wall details of crime investigation, which was interesting enough given the fact that the law seems always heavily on the side of any potential perpetrator, but it was the face to camera interviewing of the senior police detectives themselves that proved to be the most illuminating parts of the documentary.
Straight talking, wry and in most cases very VERY pithy, the detectives thankfully didn't tread that hackneyed old path of political correctness.....colourfully and with some feeling they told their story of frustration and impotency with the criminal classes rather gamely and I could have happily cheered when the dry-as-toast Sergeant Marcus Oldroyd (above) was asked what he thought of a burglar's house he had just had to search in order to find a neighbour's stolen goods.....
"It's a shithole" he said simply and directly to camera.
The police came over as hard working, decent people; people that have to face not only the tragic and the exciting every day, but the boring, the stupid and the lazy in our society who make petty crime a way of life without hope or want of rehabilitation..............One DC summed the whole thing up when after an age patiently trying to interview a vital but reluctant witness she turned to her collegue and said "As the famous saying goes... you can't polish a turd!"
Thank Goodness for them all, that's what I say.
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And finally...........
This morning I had a chat with an old guy in the village about the movie WARHORSE which opens today....He asked me if I knew that WARDOGS were commonplace in WW1 and were used not only as guard and sentry uses but more importantly were invaluable as message carriers between the trenches and command centres
"Over 7,500 dogs were killed in the the Great War alone" he told me "did you know that?"
I had to admit I had no idea
Mr Spielberg...please take note...............
