Friday, 13 January 2012

A Chink In The Armour ,"Coppers" and the unsung 7,500

I have just had a run in with Thomas the gander during feeding time. This perhaps underlines the fact that I am not quite firing on all cylinders at the moment, for when I bent down to fill their water bowl I never noticed his low, rear guard attack posture and only really "reacted" to his presence after he had took a firm hold of two inches of underwear elastic and an unhealthy amount of buttock in his sharp, serrated beak.

I hit a top  "c" that anyone on the male voice choir would have been proud of, spun around and instinctively punched him as hard as I could right in the kisser.
He let go, staggered back a few steps in shock then gave me a rather half arsed "Honk" of threat
I jumped around a little, fingering a hole in my undies and flicked him the "v"s even though I was feeling dreadully guilty
No matter how ill you may be, animal enemies will always seek out a chink in your armour


Moving on.....

Last night I watched with interest a channel four documentary entitled quite simply Coppers

This second series started off in Mansfield, Nottinghamshire and followed the mundane, stressful, irritating, hands-tied and frustrating world of an urban British CID force.
Part of the documentary was the "seen it all before" fly-on-the wall details of crime investigation, which was interesting enough given the fact that the law seems always heavily on the side of any potential perpetrator, but it was the face to camera interviewing of the senior police detectives themselves that proved to be the most illuminating parts of the documentary.
Straight talking, wry and in most cases very VERY pithy,  the detectives thankfully didn't tread that hackneyed old path of political correctness.....colourfully and with some feeling they told their story of frustration and impotency with the criminal classes rather gamely and I could have happily cheered when the dry-as-toast Sergeant Marcus Oldroyd (above) was asked what he thought of a burglar's house he had just had to search in order to find a neighbour's stolen goods.....
"It's a shithole" he said simply and directly to camera.

The police came over as hard working, decent people; people that have to face not only the tragic and the exciting every day, but the boring, the stupid and the lazy in our society who make petty crime a way of life without hope or want of rehabilitation..............One DC summed the whole thing up when after an age patiently trying to interview a vital but reluctant witness she turned to her collegue and said "As the famous saying goes... you can't polish a turd!"

Thank Goodness for them all, that's what I say.


And finally...........
This morning I had a chat with an old guy in the village about the movie WARHORSE which opens today....He asked me if I knew that WARDOGS were commonplace in WW1 and were used not only as guard and sentry uses but more importantly were invaluable as message carriers between the trenches and command centres
"Over 7,500 dogs were killed in the the Great War alone" he told me "did you know that?"
I had to admit I had no idea
Mr Spielberg...please take note...............


  1. I read somewhere that lurchers were used to carry meesages over enemy lines, as they were fast and silent.
    I can't imagine my 2 couch potatoes performing that noble role, but they sure come galloping out of no-where when I open a packet of biscuits LOL

  2. That's appauling about the dogs. Another noble animal expoited as cheap cannon fodder.

    Re Coppers (tv and otherwise) I can imagine how exasperating it must be dealing with criminal scum. The allotments were burgled last Saturday. They are soooo thick, they tried to jammy open my shed door with a dibber. A wooden one, which of course broke. But they left it, broken at the unopened door, covered in fingerprints and proceeded to kick other folks sheds to bits!

    The other side of my town, yet another charity hospice shop has been burgled again to make a quick quid.

    I think I'd be more like Judge Dredd if I joined the force (Luke)...Now I'm off to sharpen the last of the pungi sticks for the pit.

  3. Kath..
    airdales too ( I was told today)
    scummy people scummy lives

  4. This is a very interesting article about dogs during WWI here.

  5. I knew about the role of dogs in WWI, though if they do make a film about it, that'll be another film I NEVER see.
    I wouldn't watch War Horse for a gold pig.
    I'm still having Bambi flashbacks.

  6. I was all ready to see that film, and then I saw the poster advertising it.

    Turns out it wasn't "War Whores" after all!

  7. "Bambi flashbacks" LOLOL!

    Never bite the butt that feeds you...

  8. Anonymous4:52 pm

    Put that gander in his place right off the bat or you'll be feeding him arse every day.

  9. The older I get the less I can deal with films and documentaries about warhorses, message carrying dogs, cruelty, exploitation, or violence. They leave me with so much sadness and anger, which then weighs me down. I know, I am turning into a real wimp.

  10. Interesting about the dogs. It's not really surprising though. Don't they still use them to find land mines?

  11. I agree with Elaine, i don't think i ever had a high tolerance, but my threshhold is even lower now.

    I was shopping for groceries the other day, and a copper in full uniform was in the same aisle. I involuntarily corrected my posture and silently chuckled when i walked past and heard him say on his mobile, "Honey, what else is it that we need? I'm in the store right now."

    I also breathed a silent prayer of thanks for his service.


  12. Nasty Goozle! I'm sorry that he got you this morning! I hope you are feeling better. I'm so sorry that you were so ill. xoxoxo

  13. Dogs have been trained to serve our military for many many years. I wrote a post about them some time back, and would you believe, they even jump out of airplanes?

  14. Wow. Fascinating history lesson.

    The US has had plenty of those "Cops" shows in the past. I was never able to take much interest, especially since the Puritans would bleep out (censor) every other word. "Shithole" would never have made it into the show. Makes it difficult to follow.

    Thomas is a little shit to take advantage of you like that.

  15. Okay - that picture should be a postcard. And a bite in the rear is never a matter to feel guilty about responding's "natural" to come around fighting! Even if it's against a honker!

    As for war dogs, Afghanistan has been using Australian Shepherds as part of their bomb dog team...I have one of those Aussies and can understand why they'd select these dogs for modern-combat...they are hard-working, eager to please and sharp as a whittled stick. I think our old-timers are so valuable, who is going to be passing down all of these interesting things once they are faded away? Sad thought.


  16. That naughty goose! Great photo.

    I didn't know about the war dogs. I'm with Wanda and Elaine, I couldn't watch War Horse and if there were a War Dogs film I couldn't watch that either.

  17. I can only hope that if these theories about deities are correct that the door"men" on duty in Heaven are dogs and horses. The Human race would have to spend eternity somewhere else...

    Did the goose lose any teeth when you delivered the uppercut?

  18. We were once on a bus at the upper reaches of Green Lanes in North London, when we passed a cafe swarming with police vehicles. Scanned the news for any incidents, but nothing. Turned out they were offering half price Full English to emergency service staff in uniform.

  19. I won't be watching War Horse either. Seeing the suffering of animals for any reason gives me nightmares and I can't handle it these days.

    It's good to hear that a TV programme tells it like it really is for a change. All the other police/hospital/customs reality programmes just make me so angry that so much taxpayers money is spent pussyfooting around the toerags and treating them with a level of respect they don't deserve. They're all having a laugh at our expense. It rankles that I have to work for more years than I had been promised before I get my pension, in order to fill the government coffers to provide the money spent on keeping the great unwashed in check.

  20. Mansfield.... Ex mining folk, straight talking and just far enough away lol
    Did my student midwifery days Nr that patch - lost count of the number of fags (cigarettes) I was offered at home visits
    Those were the days!
    Don't think Warhorse is for me either, I struggled reading Birdsong.
    Hope you are feeling better

  21. Eat the goose.

    The 'Copper' series is obviously flawed - can you imagine a female arresting officer in 3 inch heels? I think not.

    More animals of all species were killed in WW1 than all the humans put together - mostly horses and pack-horses.

  22. tom
    1. too old
    2. didnt see those heels
    3 what about the messenger pigeons?

  23. You punched a goose?

    More respectable than fucking a duck, I suppose. Sorry. Couldn't resist.

  24. steve
    dont shout...I'll be reported!!! I didnt really mean to!

  25. Hey and don't forget the War Pigeons who did sterling work and some including Winky were awarded medals for bravery.Glad you're feeling a bit better, sorry about the undies.Thomas forgot himself, bad moment!

  26. I seem to remember that Jilly Cooper was at one time trying to get a statue put up commemorating the animals who served in the two world wars. I don't know the outcome.

  27. Anonymous10:15 pm

    I wonder if Thomas learned anything? Like to keep his beak to himself! Don and I used to have a huge rooster that I had to wack in the back with a pole to keep him from attacking me when I went in the chicken yard! He was an excellent rooster, but he was big and muscular and had two inch spurs on his legs...I didn't want to de-spur him so I wacked him...once per entry into fence!

    Even with the rotten apples that turn up, I applaud our nations police force! There's no city in the world that could pay me enough to be a police officer of any sort! So I respect those everywhere who provide the thin line between law keepers and law breakers!

    There is a protest going the rounds on Facebook...concerning the US Military planning to euthanize our latest Dogs of War! What the heck, these dogs are only 7 to 8 years of age and their reward for serving this country is death! It's appalling if true!

    Obviously you're feeling better John...;-)

    I'm definitely having second thought about watching War Horse! I cried during Black Beauty and Lassie!

    1. pressure cooker the goose
    2. I wondered about the heels, most female "coppers" I know wear running shoes!
    3. animals, more victims of war! The list never ends!

  28. You were well and truly goosed!

  29. My brother, nephew and niece's husband are all coppers. All sweet, gentle men. I don't know how they deal with the darker side of humanity and remain sane, but God bless them for what they do.
    Sounds like you are feeling better - hope so.

  30. The mental image of your fight with the gander will be with me for a long time...

    I once had a nasty rooster and it was suggested that when he try to attack me I should grab him and carry him around for quite some time. No. Not by the throat! Just a nice firm hold so that he couldn't get away. All the while talking soothingly to him and even petting him. When I put him down, he rushed a few steps away and then turned and looked at me with a look of total confusion. I could see that he thought he should attack me ~ but then again, maybe not. He finally gave a bewildered squawk and ran off. He never did attack me again. Though anyone else was still fair game!

    Yes, dogs have fought side by side with man for many years. Their loyalty is so overlooked and taken for granted.

    I too have decided not to see Warhorse. I expect that it will be a wonderful movie but I really don't want to cry as hard as I'm sure I would if I were to watch it. I hope that Mr. Speilberg realizes that the reason many people don't go to see it is because they believe it will be TOO good and too painful to watch.

  31. 1) Bite the Goose back - I won't tell.
    2) Never seen a cop in high heels unless they were doing "park rapist" entrapment duty and engaging in a little cross dressing.
    3) A noble and brave dog was on the helicopter with the Navy Seals when they took out Bin Laden.

    Just read a news article on the many different types of animals used for centuries during war time. So many left behind. So brave - so sad. Going to take a pass on War Horse unless I'm looking for a good sob.

  32. 1) Bite the Goose back - I won't tell.
    2) Never seen a cop in high heels unless they were doing "park rapist" entrapment duty and engaging in a little cross dressing.
    3) A noble and brave dog was on the helicopter with the Navy Seals when they took out Bin Laden.

    Just read a news article on the many different types of animals used for centuries during war time. So many left behind. So brave - so sad. Going to take a pass on War Horse unless I'm looking for a good sob.

  33. Damn, I missed 'Coppers'; I meant to watch it but was too tired (it's also an hour later over here).

    I've also just heard on the radio, that the 'Met' are going to HALVE their stop and search routines. Good idea? Methinks NOT!

    Hope you're feeling better.

  34. Anonymous9:09 am

    Hi John,

    Blogger has taken igin your blog and you disappeared from my blog roll, (along with about five others)

    If anyone else has this trouble they need to go into your "site settings", "unfollow", and then "follow" again, making sure to click "done" at the end.


  35. Without wishing to offend anybody at all (and I know how all your fans love their animals), I would just like to say that War Horse is one of the most boring films I have ever seen. The style is lazy and cliched, the acting wooden at best and the plot stitched together from leftover bits of Lassie Come Home and National Velvet, both of which were far superior and had the benefit of Elizabeth Taylor among the cast!

  36. I've heard that coppers in the UK are very nice and don't use guns, pepper spray and tasers on civilians. (from an ex UK copper) Correct me if I am wrong. Bit different here in the wild west.

  37. Simply - an excellent blog! Thank you for entertaining us with your wry and insightful observations - great subjects

  38. A gander will take every opportunity of going for you John - I know this from bitter experience - even the hand that feeds them and has nurtured them from the egg is not exempt. Keep one step ahead and let them know who is boss is my motto - thank goodness my gander has gone to that great feather bed in the sky.

    Did know about dogs in the great war. Am going to see warhorse on wednesday - will report back. Hope you are feeling better.

  39. Oh dear, Mr. Gander learned a lesson, I should think!

    I hadn't hear about the war dogs. :( My grandfather was in the (British) cavalry in WWI (and the Home Guard in WWII.) I have a picture of him in uniform astride his horse.

    I'm with Chris... animals should not be cannon fodder.

  40. That's the very reason I had to re-home my two ganders...they were always biting me and their bites, as you know, are quite painful!

  41. I think "shit hole " is in the police handbook - my PC uses it a lot to describe the homes of scumbags. I really don't know how they do it. Can't wait to see Warhorse and would love to see the puppet version.

  42. Anonymous6:20 am

    god, i love your photos!!!!

  43. That goose may find he's cooked erm himself


I love comments and will now try very hard to reply to all of them
Please dont be abusive x