I watched the opening night of Manon live from the Royal Opera House at Scala Cinema today. Not quite as good as their 2024 version but a powerful watch in the cinema
I’ve been a bad friend to someone very dear.
So preoccupied I have felt with the catheter and eye appointments and leg bags, blood sugars and tiredness and lack of money, I’ve taken my eye off the ball and let mutual support drift, allowing myself to retreat back into the world of Bwthyn y llan, where the basics are met, but little else is looked at.
Manon was a nice diversion, but I’ve let normal things slide, and I’ve known that.
Invoices not sent, tax returns were late, emails and texts not answered.
Today , it’s taken effort to catch up with paperwork and to remember another friend’s birthday .
I’ve known it for a little while but have pretended to myself everything’s ok.
It’s not ok. I’ve let my friend down
She knows it.
I know it.
In my defence, I have to admit that living alone sometimes warps your perspective on things.
You can slowly lose that “ bounce effect”
When dollops of reality can be held up in front of you that you have missed
“ I’ve messaged you several times” my friend reminded me today
And suddenly I realised that she had and the ball was always in my court.
I’ve been self pitying, and self absorbed and lazy and sad
And several of you have shown their concerns here about my affect
I’ve had things of concern on my mind true….
But so have my loved ones…..
Tonight , an other friend accompanied me to see Manon
Gave me a Yorkshire fat Rascal as a gift.
“Buck up” she said kindly as we parted
And I thought to myself ,
I Bloody Will Try
What a good friend she is.., giving you a loving nudge to get back into the swing of things. I understand how you’ve been feeling. Got bad news about my health. Turning 66 next month and feeling it. Plus my country is being run into the ground by a crazed maniac! Sometimes it’s hard just to get out of bed. I need to pull myself together too. This post is a much needed push to keep moving on. Thanks John! Cali
ReplyDeleteUpwards cali
DeleteDon't be hard yourself, don't be self critical. You have a lot to contend with esp your health issues. Make a list, do your best. You are loved. x
ReplyDeleteCut yourself a bit of slack , John . It’s hard as we age, and health issues, old and new, need to be dealt with. Thats alongside the day to day running of house/home and pets ! It’s all the more difficult for those of us living on our own .Plus , you are working in a demanding job , physically and mentally. I’m retired and it increasingly feels like keeping lots of plates spinning , with decreasing energy and funds . I’m genuinely in awe of all that you have dealt with over the last few years. Shelly xx
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up, John. We all have times when things just overwhelm us and we let things slide. True friends realise that and support you, as you would them. And, I know it's a cliche, but the time of year doesn't help. I know I become more insular and introspective when the days are short, dark and miserable. Everything becomes so much harder, and that's without work commitments and health problems to add to the mix. Sending gentle hugs your way. xx
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