Me me me

 I watched the opening night of Manon live from the Royal Opera House at Scala Cinema today. Not quite as good as their 2024 version but a powerful watch in the cinema 

I’ve been a bad friend to someone very dear. 

So preoccupied I have felt with the catheter and eye appointments and leg bags, blood sugars and tiredness and lack of money, I’ve taken my eye off the ball and let mutual support drift, allowing myself to retreat back into the world of Bwthyn y llan, where the basics are met, but little else is looked at. 

Manon was a nice diversion, but I’ve let normal things slide, and I’ve known that. 

Invoices not sent, tax returns were late, emails and texts not answered.

Today , it’s taken effort to catch up with paperwork and to remember another friend’s birthday .

I’ve known it for a little while but have pretended to myself everything’s ok.

It’s not ok. I’ve let my friend down 

She knows it.

I know it. 

In my defence, I have to admit that living alone sometimes warps your perspective on things. 

You can slowly lose that “ bounce effect” 

When dollops of reality can be held up in front of you that you have missed

“ I’ve messaged you several times” my friend reminded me today 

And suddenly I realised that she had and the ball was always in my court. 

I’ve been self pitying, and self absorbed and lazy and sad

And several of you have shown their concerns here about my affect

I’ve had things of concern on my mind true….

But so have my loved ones…..

Tonight , an other friend accompanied me to see Manon 

Gave me a Yorkshire fat Rascal as a gift. 

“Buck up” she said kindly as we parted

And I thought to myself , 

I Bloody Will Try