A Voice At The End Of The Phone

 I started work at the hospice seven years ago. This full time job saved my cottage from sale, as well as my sanity from the prospect of leaving Trelawnyd and I shall always be grateful for the hospice, who took on a retired nurse in the twilight of his career. 

I was a deputy director of a Samaritans branch back then.

And I left the charity as soon as I started to understand the stressors of the hospice 

Hospice and Samaritans don’t mix.

I worked as a Samaritan for over five years. 

In that time I talked to literally thousands of people on the phone

Just one will stick into my psychi for life.

I referred to this caller as Jim.

Jim, was a young teacher. 

He was polite and well spoken

Articulate and emotional 

And he had already taken several tablets before ringing me and told me that he wanted to hear a human voice before the medications took hold.

He told me, he was depressed. 

He told me, his class of 30 had underachieved in their exams

He told me he had failed

And he told me he had had enough of living.

A small gulp and he swallowed another tablet.

And my initial rapport felt lost, 

I found out he was sat in his car at the seaside

But he said no more. 

I tried to work out his accent 

Anything that could point to where he was in the UK.

We talked about music,

His family, his friends

And I tried every trick in the book to help him stop short

But every few minutes there was another gulp, and another tablet was swallowed.

After an hour I waved at my colleague for help and she came over to listen in

Eventually she shrugged her shoulders gently and rested her hand on my shoulder

She felt as helpless as I did.

Jim started to slur his words a little. He cried. 

And asked questions of his own, 

I asked him permission to ring for an ambulance , I asked for his location  but he refused politely, 

Knowing I could do nothing without his say so.

I talked about my dogs, a film I had seen, his favourite tv show.

And he laughed

And suddenly he said “ Goodbye John. Thank you

And the phone went dead.

I never knew what happened to Jim

I scoured the news channels daily online but failed to find out the sad tale of a young teacher’s suicide

I had a lengthy de briefing, but I knew meeting that sad polite young man on the phone that night almost crippled me