I worked last night and took a little time to explain to support staff just why I think it’s important for me not to do personal cares with female patients without a chaperone .
Suddenly I remembered this post from seven years ago and seeing it was a quiet news day today, I thought I would repeat it.
The post caused much complaint when I first aired it
I don’t quite understand why
“ The log lady had dropped a pile of seasoned wood a couple of days ago and this morning called around for her money as I was eating breakfast. She waited in the kitchen as I scrabbled around for the notes but was kept amused by Winnie as per.It was only after she had gone when I realised that I had left my vagina out overnight on the chopping board.I think I may need to explain myself here.........
Nowadays male nurses are trained to catheterize women , but in my day this was not just so, and so when I went to work in the private sector with effectively no trained nurse back up. I told myself that I needed to expand my role somewhat.
The first step towards this was to get my hands on an anatomically precise vagina!
This I have done and off I went yesterday, searching the mysteries of the female " inner world" thanks to a rubber vag propped up on a baking potato!
The log lady never said a word”
I was in nursing school well before you and the first male patient I had to catheterize was an elderly doctor. My face was so red and he was so kind.
ReplyDeleteHope you've had your female anatomical model well hidden away ever since the log lady's visit!
Hugs!
lol , it wasn’t a gift, the owner of the awful nursing home I worked in took it back quick stix
DeleteGlad to hear that and glad your job at that awfulnursing home is well in the past!
DeleteHugs!
"I left my vagina on the chopping board" could be the title for your book. It'd certainly get people talking. As long as the log lady a) knew you're a nurse and b) it wasn't a real vagina, I can't see a problem. If not - well, maybe she thought you were experimenting with a new recipe!😲 xx
ReplyDeleteA) she didn’t
DeleteB) a false one was ok?
Yes, a false one's much better than a random (?) piece of a real woman!🤣xx
DeleteGood for you. Vaginas and vulvas are confusing anyway, so practice makes perfect. I remember when I was catheterizing one poor lady and she ended up with three catheters in place before I hit her urethra. Childbirth makes a mess of women sometimes.
ReplyDeleteAnother time the young woman was a virgin and I felt so bad having to catheterize her, but we both got through it. I imagine there were jokes involved.
I’m glad I’m not the only one in aquandry
DeleteI thought you were having a late spaying for Mary. What made you revisit this post today?
ReplyDeleteWhen the staff and I were talking last night, I told them this story to waken and liven the company x
DeleteI think it's commendable that you were practising in order to give the best possible healthcare to your female patients. The funniest thing to me about this story is that you propped up the rubber vag on a potato! I've only been catheterized once, but thank the goddess I was still under anesthetic when they did it.
ReplyDeleteIt was that or a bag of frozen peas
DeleteYet another made up story. Didn't believe it then and don't believe it now. If it's a quiet news day just don't post!
ReplyDelete7 years and still stalking …wow
DeleteLet that one out of the bag
DeleteOkay am going to try channeling Lee from NY
DeleteWhere the fuck do you think he got the photo of the vagina from you idiot?
Lol. You did quite well with that, traveller!
DeleteThank you traveller
DeleteI’m surprised she missed that
DeleteIn Mary Walsh's hilarious series 'Hatching, Matching, and Dispatching,' a character who has his first experience of sexual intercourse with a woman tells his buddy the next morning that he was surprised because he expected her vagina to be "sideways." Obviously he'd've been better prepared had he ever seen a vagina such as yours! -Kate
ReplyDeleteI was told by my best friend as a very new teenager that Asian ladies had vaginas that went horizontally
DeleteNever heard of that one before. Where do you think your best friend got it from?
DeleteHe made it up
DeleteWell, I wasn't sure what to expect based on that headline! I love the fact that you propped it up on a potato. That's a hilarious detail.
ReplyDeleteIt’s all about the detail xx
DeletePropping it up on the potato was a nice touch! Cheers John!!
ReplyDeleteWell a boy needs to see his foe clearly
DeleteIt looks like a money box! Ha ha!
ReplyDeleteNow there’s a money spinner
DeleteI think catheterization is one of the procedures that is equally challenging for the patient and the practitioner. I say this as a patient and as an observer when a nurse had to catheterize my dad in front of me. It's such a personal thing to do and to have done, and has such potential for loss of dignity. I commend you for trying to improve your technique and also for realizing that having a chaperone while you perform it is a good idea for both you and the patient.
ReplyDeleteI’ve always demanded a chaperone with every personal care giving moment with a woman , a throw back from my psychiatric days
DeleteWell, of course, I just had to read this post...
ReplyDeleteI guess it’s a cheap trick to gain readers
DeleteThe wife of my husband's boss put a catheter into me. We never spoke of it again.
ReplyDeleteOh lord, I’m afraid to ask
DeleteI need another cocktail
ReplyDelete, Jesus
🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸
Lee
Me too
DeleteI wouldn't know an anatomically correct vagina from a non-anatomically correct one!
ReplyDeleteMe neither
DeleteOh well.
ReplyDeleteThank goodness I'm not a nurse and I don't work in any of the caring professions. Otherwise, I'd have to borrow yours!!
XOXO
I gave it back , it cost 400 and had a real “ bladder”
DeleteI am sure you meant to write - a chopper on a bored vagina.
ReplyDeleteNice one YP 🤣
DeleteOnhhh err
DeleteIt always amazed that me that nurses from the UK had never catheterized male patients. We had to learn on both sexes.
ReplyDeleteI had one older gentleman who kept saying he would pee. We agreed that if he hadn't emptied his bladder in two hours I would insert. Well, he's on the table, cleansed, there I am holding him in one hand, catheter in the other and JUST at the point of insertion, there it was, the liquid gold. He drained 1200 mls.
I think they do both now , regardless of gender, in my day the female nurses catheterised the females only , unless they worked on urology or ED
DeleteJohn you are too much
ReplyDeleteKeith
Xx
Nice to hear from u again x
DeleteI came here for the comments, so glad I did, laughing out loud. Marie, Melbourne, Australia
ReplyDeleteAs does many here
DeleteThat blog title made me feel quite weak :)
ReplyDeleteMe too
DeleteI had no idea vaginas had potato-like appendages. I don’t know how I missed that.
ReplyDeleteBecause you are gay
DeleteThis post made me laugh out loud. Never seen it heard of a plastic vagina but now see the sense. Personally, I wouldn't like a male nurse inserting a catheter, but maybe if I was that poorly I wouldn't care.
ReplyDeleteGenerally it’s not done
DeleteI have been on the receiving end of a catheter, a few times. Lie back, relax and don't let your mind get in the way. It is really no big deal. I didn't pay any attention to who was doing it, what gender they were, it was over before I knew it. Now I was not on the chopping block on the kitchen counter.
ReplyDeleteNow I’m an absolute expert in male catherisation
DeleteYou have a lot of good stories, John!
ReplyDeleteI’m full of em
DeleteI remember you posting that and years ago and I remember a long time reader wrote how horrified she was and would never follow your posts any more! JanF
ReplyDeleteTwo left that day
Delete