Blogging can attract a certain type of commentator, a personality that can identify as the persecutor or Critical Parent. In the context of Karpman’s Drama Triangle the Persecutor is an overly critical, demanding and controlling type who actively seeks to maintain power by blaming, criticising and punishing others.
They are often judgemental and can seek to dominate the interaction by manipulation and the adherence to rules.
They bully.
lol are any of you having a light bulb moment?
The other roles within the triangle are the Rescuers and the victims and by playing each role the drama can continue. Awareness is the key, awareness and recognising what roles you are playing in the interaction, having the ability to laugh and point at it or like an adult to be able to remove the interaction from play.
Trolls are personality damaged people, they seem unable or unwilling to leave their persecutor role which is an awfully sad place to find yourself in.
When is it going to be G&T time? .. Libs X
ReplyDeleteI think it's officially G&T time ALL the time on a Bank Holiday weekend. :-)
DeleteSoon. Libs x
DeleteOh John , you always find the right words for the situation.
ReplyDeleteAs many have said before me you should write a book. It would be a bestseller before it hit the bookstores.
Wonderful, wonderful, man .
Regards Tish x
Cheers tish x
DeleteBut how to escape the persecutor in a long term relationship...
ReplyDeleteIt’s realising what part you play too ….some people play victim to the persecutor which carries on the cycle
DeleteWhat part do you play best John?
DeleteAs I usually delete the comments, I usually am in an adult role outside the triangle
DeleteI've seen one or two bullies on blog comments. They make me feel very uncomfortable and rather sad. I'm of the view that if you cannot say something pleasant or supportive, don't bother to comment.
ReplyDeleteMy mother said that lol
DeleteAnd she was a bloody critical parent lol
Ha!
DeleteWise words and helpful x
ReplyDeleteAlison in Wales x
And interesting, I think, it makes sense too
DeleteDrama Triangle! Yikes.
ReplyDeleteIt’s an interesting Theory
DeleteVery interesting. One only need read this blog to see the theory in action. The thing is John, you are so well liked that many of us just can't help but to defend you thus continuing the drama. Most times I can just go without saying anything, but there have been times where I couldn't keep my mouth shut because something unbelievably cruel has been said. Linda from PA
ReplyDeleteI have known a few "persecutors" in my life. Their way or no way! I now try to steer clear of those types. If they want to spend their life carping and grousing, fine. Just don't expect me to listen. I prefer a smile. Kindness is never wasted. xx
ReplyDeleteReacting in the adult way precludes any game playing
Delete"Karpman's Drama Triangle" -- who knew?! Very interesting.
ReplyDeleteI just try not to respond to it.
You are mr. Placid I always think
DeleteI just try to be nice usually. Although, I can get angry too.
ReplyDeleteAnger isn’t always bad
DeleteLately I've been getting a lot of very specific advice in comments which do not pertain either to me or the situation. I don't know why but they make me crazy. Well, I already am but that's another story.
ReplyDeleteI think giving unsolicited advice is potentially rude and disrespectful
DeleteIt is all part of the game of life.
ReplyDeleteTake nothing very seriously and all will be well.
Frustration, anger, disappointment takes all the fun away.
I don’t. Quite subscribe to this although humour is always Useful
DeleteI think I occasionally have a knee jerk reaction, but it usually followed by a quick realisation, and words are deleted. On my blog at the moment, it seems to be a safe space, but I will ... and do ... use the 'delete forever' button when someone steps too far out of line trying to make me or my readers feel uncomfortable. Life is to live happily, not pick on others and make them upset or miserable.
ReplyDeleteYou’ve always been better than I have on boundaries I’m getting better
DeleteOh I don't know about that ... I've been known to pole-vault over boundaries!! ;-)
DeleteOnly ever had one troll in blogland and couldn't understand why she hated me so much, she very likely couldn't either! negative energy is so poisonous, to the sender more than the recipient. In my call centre job I once had a nasty person who was not entitled to what he wanted say he wished I would die slowly of cancer over 5 years, he forgot I had all his personal details and when I googled I discovered what a nasty, women hating, violent, bully he had been all his life with numerous convictions for his behaviour - it made me feel empowered, he was no longer anonymous and I knew where he lived :) I hope your troll finds another outlet for their entertainment (preferably not me though).
ReplyDeleteIt’s important to see our own role in the triangle . As we can maintain unhealthy interactions without knowing it
DeleteHow wise. And how wonderful not to relate it specifically to anyone. I have been trolled professionally and personally, and you do eventually learn to let it wash away like the proverbial water off a duck's back. What I don't understand is how and why the troll does never realise how the person doing the nastiness never seems to realise they reveal far more about themselves and their unhappy state of mind than the person they are patronising or attacking. So regrettable, so much wasted energy. And oh, so sad of them.
ReplyDeleteIt’s. All about patterns. Of. Behaviour and the insight of self . Most people think they understand others but rarely understand their own negative mechanisms
DeletePersecutors are manipulative too, I have already seen this behaviour on several deleted postings
ReplyDeleteI love your understanding of human dynamics.
ReplyDeleteI love the drama triangle it is a theory I just GET
DeleteAnd we certainly have seen them all here, haven’t we? I try to keep my nose clean and am simply here to read the fascinating, personal things you have to share. Thanks for that and for sticking with it.
ReplyDeleteTransactional analysis has helped me look at. Dysfunctional people and. Interactions
DeleteIm also. Deleting posts that use the same syntax
ReplyDeleteIsn't it sad that some people feel the need to be hateful, obnoxious, cruel, or hurtful to others, mostly to strangers? As if no one should be happy if they aren't? We seem to have a president determined to be as hurtful as possible to as many as possible. Where is this needed delete button?
ReplyDeleteHugs!
The net exaggerates the behaviours I feel, protagonists usually had critical parents themselves
DeleteRemove the oxygen from them. I was amused old Ursula popped in, she’s dense as cardboard.
ReplyDeleteLee
Cardboard is thin Lee
DeleteSorry I’ve been defending you when you can perfectly defend yourself lol
DeleteTo me, it is so much more fulfilling to bolster someone, it makes me feel better as well as the person I try to make happy.
ReplyDeleteAs long as your own needs are metx
DeleteI admire how you have so politely explained and distanced yourself from the unkind commenters, how wise you are. It's a sensible and emotionally intelligent way of handling what must be hurtful at times, or annoying at least.
ReplyDeletelizzy x
I’ve reacted as the victim and as the rescuer and even the protagonist and every role only works when I’m ok and playing adult
DeleteIt's unfortunate that you indeed have to assume these varying roles and feel challenged to deal with the readers' issues--that you must dredge up the energy, when you yourself are okay. How sad, for such a warm, charming, much loved blog and blogger to be put in this position. Where's the fun in that. Thanks for your daily posts, they mean so much to so many of us.
Deletelove
lizzy
I’m sad for the occasional troll I’ve read here (before you have deleted them) because I worry how they manage in the rest of their life, what damage they do to others, and what damage they have suffered. And of course I can do nothing about any of that.
ReplyDeleteAccording to the model, they have just got used to a way of interacting unhealthily
DeleteLuckily I no longer have the offensive trolls that I once had, but I do now have a couple who are always looking to find fault and criticise. If that's what makes them happy.....
ReplyDeleteMy mother fits this description and as much as I know I react badly, I struggle to stop it.
ReplyDeleteMaybe this different perspective will help me.
Thanks John
i don't really understand why they persevere, and assume they are either playing games which amuse them or simply want to hurt someone. It is so much easier online where they can be hide. Either way I am sorry you have to deal with it in a space where you should be able to be open with friends - but then online is not a safe space and they obviously enjoy trying to spoil that good feeling.
ReplyDelete