In Spinal Injury Nursing, you will always have your favourite patients; the admission to a spinal rehab centre lasts for up to and in many cases well beyond 6 months, so there is plenty of opportunity to really get to know your patient and their families so very well.
In general our unit in Sheffield had on average 100 "new" admissions yearly so in my time there I must have seen around 1600 people coming through the doors and into our lives .I can think of ten or so patients that will always linger in my mind. Eve, an affable despot and serial socializer from Nottingham, Richard, a difficult but ever so likable teenage quadraplegic that I used to use many unprofessional type nursing methods on to just to get him to eat; Neil , the charismatic army guy with a big heart and courage to match his many injuries; Hatim the 13 year old boy injured in the Iraq war who finally adopted a Yorkshire accent when he left us and who loved Finlay with a passion; Sue, a brittle and hilarious salt-of-the-earth fitness fanatic from Manchester--The list could go on and on and on. Many of these characters I still keep in touch with, and their life stories after spinal cord injury have been many and indeed varied .
Marinko was one of these people. I first met him when he was admitted to us in the early 1990s after a fall from a ship in Great Yarmouth when he sustained a lower back fracture and total paraplegia.
A non English speaker from Croatia, he was a challenge on so many levels to nurse. We had to get students from Sheffield University to act as interpreters ( as I remember,one was not as good as the others and confused the Croatian for pillow with the word for chicken- which in its own way caused much hilarity)
Marinko also had problems with, shall we say , assertive Sheffield women, and had quite an "old fashioned" Eastern European attitude to gender roles, which was a challenge to him and us, as most of his carers were opinionated Yorkshire women.
But he was charming and funny and "blossomed" under the intimate and at times unrealistic environment a rehabilitation centre provides and I considered him to be a friend when he left us to be with his family in a tiny village outside the city of Split
The day we said goodbye, he gave me a bunch of flowers,wrapped in brown paper .we shook hands and hugged and he kissed me hard on each cheek and called me “ brother” and I had to bite my lip as he wheeled away to an uncertain future
Over the past 16 years or so, we have always communicated infrequently by letter. His correspondence was always charming and on the surface optimistic, but it did hint at the huge adaptation problem Marinko had with his disability.
A few Christmas’ ago, I was surprised not to have seen a card from him, and I was saddened to receive a letter from Marinko's brother a few months after that.
In a note that sounded very much like Marinko his brother states simply:-
Dear Mr Gray,
I am using this opportunity to inform you that my dear brother and your friend Marinko has lost a long battle with his disease and passed away on the 29th of December 2007. The funeral was held in the local cemetery on 31st December 2007
I wish also to extend my honest gratitude for all your support,true and sincere friendship you have been providing to Marinko through all these years.
Sincerely
Maiodrag.
What a gift you and Marinko were to each other and in seeing him as your friend and seeing him as still a unique person after his injury, was the best gift to him of all.
ReplyDeleteI know that spinal cord patients often succumb to long term problems related to their injuries but was saddened to learn Marinko was one of those dear people. The letter to you from his brother speaks of the importance of the friendship you shared with Marinko.
Big hugs!
Couldn't have said it better, Barbara Anne. xx
DeleteLife expectancy is shortened depending on level of injury and amount of. Paralysis experienced. Also. Urology problems are common. Our job as nurses was to instill a sense of self care in patients in their teens and twenties
DeleteHow very sad. I think death should be banned, we have a very good friend who is just a day or so away.
ReplyDeleteFriends are like. Dogs hey die all too soon
DeleteHumanity in so many forms, a sad yet oddly uplifting story. Beyond a patient's immediate supportive circle, there is something special about the strength and perspective of the outer circle of loyal friends that offers a grounding normality. But then, that's you all over!
ReplyDeleteIt’s the strength of a good rehab team ( I. Was part of the BEST team ever) nurses doctors physios occupational therapists , psychologists,
DeleteAnd we LISTENed to each other
John, I am in such admiration of you and your humanity.
ReplyDeleteI’m in we of people like mirenko who coped
DeleteA special bond.
ReplyDeleteI was incredible fond of him
DeleteWas it romantic darling?
DeleteKeith
Xx
I need to think about this
DeleteFrom my part probably yes
Maiodrag's letter belongs in a treasure chest.
ReplyDeleteIt’s in my special box on my desk
DeleteHow very sad but how beautifully you told his story. Your empathy and compassion is evident, what a fine nurse you were and are still.
ReplyDeleteIt’s important to remember these patients and I have favourite ones from each of my specialities
DeleteFrom psychiatry, from intensive care and from the hospice too
What a beautiful note to receive. You've dun good for so many people.
ReplyDeleteI hope we can all sy that x
DeleteSay
DeleteJohn, what a beautiful and sad note; many of us don't get to see the impact we've had on someone's life. What may seem the smallest of kind gestures can be a life line to someone.
ReplyDeleteI think we need to turn that around
DeleteThe impact he had on me
This. This is one of the many reasons I have followed your blog for many years. One of the reasons I admire you is because you care and you stay in contact with many people. I have found and reconnected with a high school friend who has been on my mind. We talked by phone for 4 hours a few weeks ago. I was sharing this with a friend at a local coffee shop and she commented that she has no desire to reconnect with anyone from her past and is a firm believer in "bloom where you are planted" but, can't we do both?
ReplyDeleteWe can indeed…you can visit the past as long as it makes you grow
DeleteLoving care added life to his years.
ReplyDeleteI remember him writing about his reunion with his family
Delete“ I was a baby again , at my mothers breast, and we cried like children do when loved”
Something like that
A beautiful tribute to your patient and friend. He had such a hard life.
ReplyDeleteBack in his village he was limited by the historic wheelchair unfriendly surroundings
DeleteYou have had a positive impact on so many lives, John.
ReplyDeleteI see it differently Ellen , totally different
DeleteHe had an impact on me
How long did you work in the spinal unit - 16 years?
ReplyDeleteBy the way the Iraq war was from 2003 toi 2011.
Sigh. "If your point is to question Hatim’s admission
DeleteHe was a patient in 2004, a delightful little boy who used to tie my first dog, Finlay to his wheelchair
I don’t “ get” why a tiny minority waste their time trying to contradict you John why.?
DeleteI wasn't questioning anything about the boy, why did you think that? I didn't mention the boy at all.
DeleteI merely asked how long you worked in the spinal unit - was it 16 years?
Not sure why you chose not to answer that.
You knew exactly what you were doing
DeleteI worked on the unit from 1990 to 2006
Fuck the troll
DeleteLee
She will haunt here until she realises she’s a dick lol
DeleteShe? Wrong again.
DeleteIt's great that you stay in touch, however infrequently, with some of your former patients.
ReplyDeleteIt’s a common theme with spinal injuries staff Steve
DeleteI know most professionals of all kinds , who have done the same
I'm glad he had you as a nurse. I still remember some memorable patients from past years but now my brain seems to be working hard for me not to remember my patients, my cancer patients. I used to get very attached to them, and they all bloody died. It's time for me to stop working I think.
ReplyDeletePixie I understand that need for self care especially on the hospice. But my story about dancing with a hospice patient called ceri still lingers in my psychi
DeleteAnd will always do so
A letter like that is better, I think, than an Academy Award.
ReplyDeleteSweetly observed
DeleteThe people you care for are most fortunate. Your skill and dedication to your work is amazing and not seen often today. The letter from a family member acknowledging you and the important role you played is heartwarming.
ReplyDeleteYour achievements are impressive.
I was one of a hundred professionals I have respect for on spines
DeleteEach one punched above their weight
I volunteered and my daughter worked at the local rehab hospital. My favourite patient was an olympic cyclist and I was a very average marathon runner so we encouraged each other every day as I fed him breakfast. My daughter got friendly with S when S came in as a quad. They were both late teens at the time. They stayed friends for many years. Unfortunately both have since passed away. My friend at that time had a stepson who became paralyzed after an accident on his 21 birthday and he to passed away a few years later. I believe infections caused all their deaths. It was encouraging to watch them go from doom and gloom to hope as their rehab progressed.
ReplyDeleteIt’s lovely to have favourites , it means you love
DeleteI agree with all the others. That letter is a treasure, and you sharing it is a gift.
ReplyDeleteThank you my friend
DeleteWhat a remarkable letter. Thank you for sharing it, along with other vignettes from those years. The people (patients and colleagues) clearly had a deep impact on you.
ReplyDeleteObviously I’ve remembered it
DeleteSo sorry to hear of your loss. But, John, you are a hero! And a good friend.
ReplyDeleteI too feel he was fortunate to have you. You provide a wonderful service in so many ways.
ReplyDeleteKind xx
DeleteBy and large Croatian people are very pragmatic. Marinko sounds just the same. I think he was lucky to have you in his team; to have a lasting effect on each other is special. His family also thought this, hence the letter. Your compassion and skills are what makes you stand out. I take my hat of to you and those others like you who make such differences in the lives of those people forever changed by accident.
ReplyDelete