I rang up about joining a local cinema discussion group the other day.
The man organising it was enthusiastic and chatty up to me mentioning that I was of retirement age and then he went all evasive .
You sounded younger he said backtracking on his initial excitement and there was an awkward silence before he told me that he’d be in touch, after he had received all applications.
I’m usually pretty assertive in these cases but soon after I felt deflated and judged and suddenly surplus to requirements .
How Yorkshire Pudding sees me
I really can't see what difference age makes when discussing cinema, but obviously he does! I somehow get the feeling that if he now rings you up begging, you'll politely turn him down. I know I would - patronising little squirt that he is! xx PS Love YP's drawing of you, although you do look a bit startled!
ReplyDeleteI think our first phone call was frivolous and humourous,and I have the inkling that he thought I was much younger ( he is in his late twenties)
DeleteWe are "something different" to those younger than us, and I admit seeing my elders as different from me. It's so dumb and wrong.
ReplyDeleteHis disappointment was palpable, I didn’t imagine it
DeleteAh, you may have experienced the post-menopause invisibility.
ReplyDeleteYes, that invisibility fucking angers me
DeleteJudged yes, but surplus to requirements no. Stand up for yourself, you have much to offer. Gigi
ReplyDeleteThe sudden u turn upset me
DeleteTry as I might, I don't see what age has to do with it. His loss, he might well learn something from you and others of our age.
ReplyDeleteMy image didn’t fit his brief
DeleteSounds like a jerk, doesn't he? Most of us already know enough jerks, so the group doesn't sound alluring. Their loss......
ReplyDeleteCeci
He made a point several applications came from the university club
DeleteStart your own club! All inclusive..all welcome!
DeleteFeeling judged - something a few of us I suspect have experienced many times. It is not a pleasant experience. If that is an example of their attutude, possibly not the sort of people you would like to spend time with?
ReplyDeleteNo, but as you know talking about cinema is something I’d love, I was looking forward to it jaycee
DeleteVery hurtful I’m sorry this happened to you. Reminds me of the failed cooking class a few months ago people are so rude nowadays despite all the chatter about kindness and empathy
ReplyDeleteLizzy d
OMG I forgot about that horrid episode. Linda
DeleteI was reminded of that awful cookery thing, straight away
DeleteIt's very hard emotionally to be slapped down and rejected when a person is trying to make an effort to expand their life and make new friends, learn new things! Again I m so sorry. [my friend and I were once rejected by a the only local quilt guild here, just so mean and rude! Later I found out it was a clique of ladies, no newcomers wanted or allowed. But hurtful. Shit happens.] The sad thing is the constant online panacea for loneliness is , "Make new friends, take a class, join new groups!" then bam, this happens--a lot. It's not you John, it's our world. xxx lizzy
DeleteLizzy is right
DeleteI once tried to join a supper club locally only to be frozen out very subtly
No single lesbians welcome was the message
I told the organiser to fuck herself and cried all the way home
I understand your pain despite your funny comments
Lee
That’s more homophobia , at least you weren’t invisible x
DeleteLee that is so sad. If I lived in the city still, I d meet you for drinks. Or supper.
DeleteJesus,what is wrong with people? Linda
DeleteAh, you are starting to experience the perceived invisibility of the over Fifties! Welcome to the club. The attitude of that little twerp is saving you a lot of time in experiencing the group and finding it is not for you - if he is an example pf the attendees (or, worse, how he would lead the attendees!) Their loss, your gain. Mark it down to experience and forget about it.
ReplyDeleteAre you planning an upcoming exhibition "Fifty Shades Of Gray"? Contributions from all the blog followers? YP's sketch is pretty neat as a starter......
I hate that we become invisible after a certain age I hate it
DeleteLove YP's view of you, but think you need a smile and some smile crinkles at the outer corners of your eyes.
ReplyDeleteWhat a tacky comment was made to you by the person you were talking to about the cinema discussion group. Hope you'll join up anyway as long as they don't meet on Tuesday night. Methinks choir would make you happier if there's a schedule conflict.
Fret not, you're perfectly fine as you are.
Hugs!
Yes I thought I looked too serious , he’s got the ears right too
DeleteTheir loss , in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteHere here
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDebbie?
DeleteI accidently hit publish before I was, and then got interrupted. I am invisible too. Even worse, I am tired of being treated as if I am stupid. So I guess what I am saying is that I would rather find out before I was sitting there being ridiculed to my face. I would sure as heck have some fun with that application though. I would make up some entirely bogus memberships to some very highbrow discussion groups.
DeleteHugs. I am sure you have forgotten more about cinema than he actually knows. I hope you find somewhere welcoming. Marjorie in wintry Canada
ReplyDeleteI didn’t realise I was so brittle
DeleteDid you draw that? if so, you're a pretty good cartoonist.
ReplyDeleteI see now it says Yorkshire Pudding. Still a good cartoon. And you look like you'd fit right in with a cinema group.
DeleteI would
DeleteSet up your own for over 50s only!
ReplyDeleteGood idea!
DeleteBut it's nice to have friends of all ages, John himself is not ageist.
DeleteNo I love having mates younger and older than I am
DeleteWhat a silly little twit he is! Hard pass on his silly group.
ReplyDeleteYes, but I wanted to go
DeleteWhat an odious little prat. You're better of out of it. Doesn't sound as though he likes to counter opposing opinions, mini Hitler comes to mind but that may be a little harsh; but I hate people who think they are better than you based on.....what? It was over the phone so he doesn't have a clue about your appearance, empathy, quick wit etc. Their loss!
ReplyDeleteIt upset me that I did smooze him
DeleteAll it takes is one dope with a little bit of power to make us question our self worth. I think that is true for most of us. The way I see it, the Universe is directing you - away from a jackass. X
ReplyDeleteI am pretty upset Katie! All I did was draw a cartoon of John and you're calling me a jackass! Boo hoo!
DeleteCan you do me one smiling?
DeletePerhaps that judging fellow would share names of others he rejects. Those people would probably make a more interesting group for you to be part of.
ReplyDeleteA group of rejects lol
DeleteThat would make for a much better club than this ageist guys planned club.
DeleteYes, I like the comment about setting up your own group.
ReplyDeleteI might just do that
DeleteWeird, taking applications..not sure you are applying for a cinema discussion group. Could be something more .. I think you may have dodged a bullet there, my man.
ReplyDeleteI think he was making the application thing up
DeleteWTF. Older people don't have valid opinions? Linda
ReplyDeleteWe have a voice , I have a voice
DeleteGive us his number and all us oldies will pester him relentlessly. Show him we exist and have VERY LOUD VOICES! xx
DeleteWhy on earth is there an application process for a cinema discussion club? That would be unheard of here.
ReplyDeleteI think it’s an excuse
DeleteHe got civilised society mixed up with Tinder.
ReplyDeletelol I’ve been swiped left
DeleteSwiped left made me laugh, you have NOT lost your charming sense of humor.
DeleteOn that Saturday night mind-numbing show, "The Masked Singer", the crowd yell "Take it off! Take it off!". In your case, with regard to the film discussion group, the mob is chanting, "Let him in! Let him in!" Ageism is as obnoxious as sexism and racism.
ReplyDeleteIsn’t it just Neil, ? I was hurt terribly and hid it under quite indignation
DeleteOh John , I understand this blog post
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in my fifties I joined a line dancing course, only to be made so unwanted I left after three sessions
It was awful
Keith
Xx
Xxx hugs
ReplyDeleteI love the comment about starting your own group and hope you follow through with it. It is so infurating to have people judge us without knowing us. I think about your faithful attendance to a wide variety of films, and am sad that this twit will never have the chance to learn from your long experience. The invisibility thing is truly awful.
ReplyDeleteNina
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/dec/11/society-disappears-ageing-women-so-i-harnessed-that-cloak-of-invisibility-to-do-all-sorts-of-inappropriate-things
DeleteGreat article! I am going to try to buy a print of her work.
DeleteNina
Wait...the cinema discussion group is "taking applications"? What the heck does that mean? It's not like they're paying you!
ReplyDelete"You sounded younger" is an obnoxious, shallow thing to say and suggests he wouldn't have a heck of a lot to contribute to any discussion.
Yes I thought that !
DeleteWhat difference would your age make in a film discussion group?
ReplyDeleteBTW, women hit this age even younger than you. We become invisible, but I love it. It's nice not to be looked at as meat anymore. Men are kind of pigs when it comes to women.
Thanks for that link to the woman artist. For me, I feel unwatched, rather than invisible, which is freeing.
I guess it’s the “ look” of the group
DeleteI like being invisible too. The male gaze has been bad for me. It isn't safe.
DeleteWhat a nitwit. I think that the organiser is someone who has got an extremely narrow view of life. I always find that someone who has lived a full life has got far more to bring to a discussion than someone who is younger. I think you should start up a group. Jean in Winnipeg,
ReplyDeleteI had a thought if you started up your own group and chatted to the cinema they might offer incentives to your “in group” to see a movie and chat afterwards. J in Wpg.
DeleteLook at it another way, maybe the films he watches are unsophisticated American lite or have an agenda suited to young people Perhaps it might also be a young people’s social thing where they also find romantic connections etc.
DeleteI wouldn’t take it personally.
I do , I’m afraid
DeleteWait.
ReplyDeleteWhat does joining a group dealing with movies have to do with the age of the people joining? Is it a Disney movie group???
Idiots.
XOXO
Lol
DeleteYou handsome devil, you.
ReplyDeleteI wish
DeleteThat’s disheartening and angering. He’s missing an opportunity to broaden his horizons and expand his network of friends. We are having the same concerns here. We find great groups to possibly join but then notice everyone is in their 20s and wonder if we’d even be welcomed.
ReplyDeleteYou would be perfect for a cinema discussion group, you’ve probably seen more films and critiqued them than he’s had hot dinners…
ReplyDeleteThat was me Tweetart
DeleteHe probably was intimidated by you when he found out that you are "older". Maybe felt you would overshadow him. Who knows what is behind people's actions, their problem not yours. You are more than enough! Jen
ReplyDeletePerfect group for you. Too bad for them they will never get your input. Find another or start your own. Probably more difficult than it sounds though. I myself am not much of a joiner… happiest working in my flowers. Winter is killing me. Kathy
ReplyDeleteI understand your hurt - that was a group you could have contributed to hugely, and enjoyed the insights of others. BUT, if the members are like him, it would drive you crazy in 5 minutes with its narrowness - and I doubt they watch the breath of films you enjoy. Their loss. Big time, their loss. But perhaps if they're mainly university types, they may also all be on the lookout for companionship/dates, and the watching a film come a distant second. You're past snogging in the back row!
ReplyDeleteI love the drawing.
ReplyDeletePraise indeed from you an artist
DeleteSorry. His turn will come. He, too, will age.
ReplyDeleteI bloody well hope so
DeleteHis loss John. He probably deep down felt challenged. After all you bring a life time of experience to the table. My guess is he couldn't handle that thought.Onwards and upwards. Would the village hall host a book group?
ReplyDeleteThe sad fact is that I found him interesting and a kindred spirit
DeleteIt's horrible when it first happens, the age/rejection thing but in my late 70s now I'm like Pixie, I enjoy the invisibility and no longer being regarded as a piece of meat, as she puts it so eloquently.
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid, being Irish, my reaction to someone saying I sounded younger would have been to laugh and say - "what an absolute f*****g prick you are" and hopefully put the phone down before him!
I would then have had a little weep in private.
Usually I’m as gobby, but I suddenly felt like miss bates in Emma
DeleteBe glad you found out before you went to one meeting! This is all about his lack - really nothing to do with you.
ReplyDeleteIt is totally his loss, you would have brought so much to a cinema discussion group. Ageist, narrow minded git!!
ReplyDeleteI love YP's sketch of you, it's a perfect picture for the back cover of your book. ;-)
Good lord. Consider yourself lucky you found out what a ridiculous group that must be.
ReplyDeleteOn thing I love about being older (66) is that I truly don't give a fuck what others think!
ReplyDeleteFuck yeah !!
DeleteIt also happens when you're seeking work.There shouldn't be any age discrimination, but there is. We become invisible to some. Thankfully, we remain visible to our peer group and those that love or appreciate us for who we are. And anyway, who wants to be part of an elitist 'yoof' group. Logan's Run anyone?
ReplyDeletePhilip , eloquent as ever
DeleteTheir loss.
ReplyDeleteIf you can find out where and when they’re meeting, can’t you just go along? You obviously would like to get together with like-minded people, and just because he came over as a dick doesn’t mean that others won’t be fine. An application process sounds like a load of rubbish, but stick with it if that’s what you want to do. Don’t be put off by the doorkeeper.
ReplyDeleteRegards J’nan