I think most mature women with any sense will have one gay man as a friend.
These women are not faghags ( the derogatory name for a woman who spends most of her time in the company of gay men) nor are they lacking female friends.
It’s just that I think that most mature women who have an emotional intelligence like the company of a gay man .
And visa versa of course.
Having a gay bestie means you are in the sex and the City Club !
You are either a Carrie or a Charlotte
( but most women I think identify more with Miranda as she is the most sorted of the quartet)
I don’t quite fit into the gay best mould mainly because I’m too scruffy
A gay best friend should be immaculately dressed and ideally look like Jonathan Bailey
I gain kudos points for being more emotionally intelligent than most and having a sense of humour
I’m not a stag hag either, which helps ( stag hags are gay men who just love the company of usually older gay men )
I’m eclectic in my friend choices but I do like women friends, they are special
I think, I like them because they are more tactile than most.
I can link arms and hug and kiss with my female friends with an ease
Now I must say here that I have gay and straight makes friends which I hug and even kiss but having a female friend is different in the heteronormative world .
I guess it’s easier all round.
Hey ho
I prefer your type of gay man, not the airy fairy ones. They are far too over the top for me. I like humour and genuine feelings too. My brother is the scruffy funny gay but his husband is a bit more fluffy, was an interior decorator. You just keep on being you, thats what I like about you. Gigi
ReplyDeleteIt’s too late being anyone else
DeleteSo so true!
ReplyDeleteOh yes xx
DeleteGay men make the bestest friend for a female ..... we don't have to worry about them fancying us and can just get on with having a great time ! I also prefer men { gay or otherwise } with a sense of humour ..... that's very important. They can look like the back of a bus and be as scruffy as they like but if they make me laugh we will be like 🤞. When I was at work, we had so many gay patients and they were the best.... such good company and so much fun. XXXX
ReplyDeleteAnd it is the same for me Jacqueline , a sense of humour is vital for me and sa true sense of self
DeleteHmm.. I am not sure I think too much about whether my friends are gay or straight. I either like them or I don't have them as friends. However, I really enjoy the company of my young gay friend - he is fun to be with.
ReplyDeleteA young gay friend , how delicious
DeleteThis ia a connection or relationship that has faded for me over the past few years. And thinking about it, I miss it.
ReplyDeleteCan you recharge it?
Deletegosh I wish I lived in North Wales instead of Pembrokeshire. I would definitely love to be a friend of yours. But I'm not sure I'm intellectual enough for you, I've lived in London for 30 years and are a bit rough around the edges.
ReplyDeleteMe intellectual ? Pah!
DeleteI love having gay male friends because they are fun and have personality!
ReplyDeleteDebra out of all my blog friends you are the MOST gay friendly
DeleteYes well gays do tend to stick up for each other.
DeleteCan I count you as my gay bestie? I'm mature and scruffy, so I think we'd gel! xx
ReplyDeleteYou are on
DeleteHusband's Canadian cousin visited. I think he was Bi rather than gay, but I have fond memories of listening to Ella Fitzgerald songs and giggling a lot together.
ReplyDeleteGay
DeleteI don't think of it either way. My friends and family are just that - my friends and my family. Having said that I do have several gay friends (male and female) and also trans family members. I just have never thought about it before. Interesting topic John!
ReplyDeleteIt makes for a good chat on a Saturday afternoon
DeleteMy best friend is gay, 77 and fabulous
ReplyDeleteHe worked off Broadway for years and sounds like Bette Davis
Leex
Did you have many theatre trip adventures with him?
DeleteWe still go out once a week, see a show, a comedy night, a late dinner after a good movie
DeleteThat was me Lee
DeleteSo true. In fact, my boyfriend from 1st grade (we planned to marry!) was gay. Of course, we didn't know the term at that age but I came to understand that about him later in life. And no, we lived in different states by then so had been out of touch for many years and didn't marry.
ReplyDeleteTa for the vocabulary lesson, too.
Hugs!
No, but at one point over the years, we both lived in Louisville, Kentucky, me working as a nurse, the kids in elementary school, and DH in seminary. I found out a decade or so later, J was a stage manager at a local theater there.
DeleteHugs!
One of the deep sorrows of my life is that I do not have a gay male friend. I have many queer friends and relatives but no one special gay guy in my life. I have had, at certain points, and I miss that energy dearly.
ReplyDeleteIf I lived closer xx
DeleteSometimes when hugging a female friend smaller than me, I think Oh My! What a sweet little thing! No wonder men like to hold us in their arms!
ReplyDeleteNot sure if this is off topic -- kind of? -- but it's what came to mind after reading your post.
It’s called association and it’s very welcome xx
DeleteYou're either a Carrie or a Charlotte - remind us again how old are you? Sad really an old lonely man daydreaming about stuff like that.
ReplyDeleteYou wouldn’t be Carrie or charlotte , you would be Bunny , the nasty mouthed wart of Charlottes mother in law
DeleteThat told the old shrew
DeleteNever felt any interest in watching Sex And The City, but attraction does not have to be sexual (and such an absence is often such a relief!) and has nothing to do with age.
DeleteI am an equal opportunity flirt. I appreciate a good looking woman's looks as much as I appreciate a good looking man's looks. It is their heart that makes me attracted to someone.
ReplyDeleteNicely said x
DeleteI don't know about being a Carrie or Charlotte. I don't delineate between gay or straight, black or white. I just see the very few people I've let into my life/hang with, as people I like and trust.
ReplyDeleteNicely put
DeleteGood, me too
ReplyDeleteIn my choice of friends, sexual preference has never been a factor.
ReplyDeleteNor should it be
DeleteI have a friend who's in her 80's now but was in her early 60's when she became a widow. She never remarried. She told me, in a blend of truthfulness and cheekiness, that the ideal man for her at her age would be a gay handyman. He could take care of things that needed fixing around the house, and then leave her "the hell alone" (her words) in the bedroom. I had to chuckle at her honesty.
ReplyDeleteMine too
DeleteYour post made me think back to some of the best, most life--intensive conversations and great fun outings of my past (retired now) and it seems a common denominator was that they often took place with gay males. I travelled a lot for work and I had a few terrifically intelligent and very funny gay co-workers who sometimes ended up in the same place/time as me during trips/conferences. (It was the only time we saw one another as we didn't work in the same office/city.) Whenever this happened, we would find out what was playing during the evenings (i.e. theatre, classical music, ballet, museum exhibitions, etc.) and/or find good restaurants and arrange to go out together. So many great memories; so much shared laughter. Sadly, we've lost touch since retirement.
ReplyDeleteIt is good to have friends of all persuasions who haven't got an ulterior motive so to speak...that you can discuss anything in the world and just have a hug as fellow human beings x
ReplyDeleteMy gay (male) bestie passed away about ten years ago. I still talk to him every day. We used to have such fun doing so many things together. Gawd I miss that man. :(
ReplyDeleteX
DeleteWhen I read your first sentence, I wondered what was wrong with me to not have a gay friend. But I do, a cousin actually. I love him to death.
ReplyDeleteHe's not scruffy, exactly, but as a minimalist he owns very few clothes and wears jeans everywhere, even weddings.
I don't know how he's comfortable doing that but he is and I don't think anyone cares
What a great post and I loved to read everyone's answer. I have always had close gay and lesbian friends. Most of the gay men I know (and knew) had a fairly rough start, and as a result they see the world through different lens. That, I think, has made them more open, honest and vulnerable. And without exception, we share the same sense of humor. :)
ReplyDeleteWell, I've known a lot of gay men in my life, some scruffy, some careful dressers, but it's the warmth of their personalities that attracted me to them. And, importantly, that I didn't have to worry about the nature of the relationship - no sexual attraction aspect means a clear, honest, uncluttered friendship. My husband is an academic and we've befriended many students, often ones who need some warmth and stability - young gay people who are having parent-troubles as they establish who they are. They have gone on to be enduring friendships with such interesting and intelligent people and we enjoy keeping in touch over the years.
ReplyDelete97.4% of British men identify as heterosexual so for women to connect with gay men is in that regard quite a challenge.
ReplyDeleteYP ... the nose knows!! and in NZ many are more open about their orientation - younger men especially
DeleteI don't get it Virginia. Are you disputing this statistic? On what basis?
DeleteSorry YP, I certainly wasn't disputing the UK statistic, just saying that most of us have known men (and women) who vociferously claimed to be heterosexual, but ....
DeleteA fun musing essay about your world---from a gay man's POV, of course, tho I for one certainly do not ever aspire to or yearn for a spot in the Sex & the City Club. Hardly women to look up to or emulate. My career was in NYC design world so gay men and women were accepted and commonplace. Gay men became friends bec of personalities and interests shared, their gayness was not a focus.
ReplyDeleteI think I must be a bit weird; ok I know I'm a bit weird but I don't actually do friends at all. I have about 3 people I would call a friend but not multiples of people and certainly no gay male friends at all. I have a gay son whom I love dearly but we don't actually really gel very much these days which is sad but nothing I can do about that as it really comes from him not me.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I know and like gay men I don't have any close friends as such. Not so much by choice as that there were few in the circles I had moved in when I went out and socialised more. The ones I know are mostly friends of my children and I enjoy their company very much.
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to work-out what I am; just a 'hag' I think!
ReplyDelete.I read 3 blogs every day by gay men, and they are some of my favourites! We used to have a gay postman, he is beautiful, with such long eyelashes and very funny.....I adored him. Sadly he moved to a different round and I only see him on facebook now. Oh, and my brother is gay, but we only see them every few months.
ReplyDeleteYears ago, I had a gay man as my best friend. We could so easily express our affection for each other by linking arms while walking, hugging, and generally being kind and loving with each other. I'd never had a best friend before, at least not one with whom I could really be myself. That seems to be in the DNA of gay men, that they make others feel comfortable around them. Sadly, we had fallen out of touch and I found out that he passed away last year. I hope to never let a friendship like ours just fade away like that again.
ReplyDeleteI think many gay men find women more accessible emotionally. I was mostly friends with girls growing up and have always enjoyed female company, though as an adult I'm friends with lots of gay men too. I have some straight male friends but to be honest I always feel like we're trying to figure out what to talk about!
ReplyDeletePS -- I'd never heard the term "stag hag"!
DeleteYou are quite right, John. I have had many gay male friends, they have always been lovely, kind, empathetic, open hearted and just good people. In fact my honorary grandsons are coming to visit tomorrow - and their wedding was probably the most memorable and joyous I have ever attended (except my daughter's, of course!) I am looking forward to lots of gossip, laughter, tea, scones and hugs!
ReplyDeleteI know this sounds awfully vain but gay men absolutely adore me and it does not seem to matter that I am older heterosexual female now. Someone told me once that gay men model themselves on a woman like me. Don't know whether this is good thing or not. I'm a girly girl with overtones of intellectualism artistry and insane humour. All my friends are male.They seem to be able to relate to me much better than women do . Anyway I'm not complaining.
ReplyDelete