I was 21 when I first administered the " last Offices" to a patient, I must have done it hundreds and hundreds of times since
The elderly man had lived seventy years of his life in an asylum .
He had no family, no friends and had a life devoid of the normal happiness's that the rest of us take for granted.
He had no belongings to speak of and even his clothes were picked from the generic clothes store and I remember feeling incredibly sad at the overwhelming " emptiness " of a life not lived.
The ward sister opened a window as the man died and crossed herself
A nicotine stained enrolled nurse in her sixties had the job of talking me through the procedure of "
laying out" , a job , I am glad to say, she took incredibly seriously.
She showed me how to shave the patient, wash him with a reverence he deserved and dress him carefully in a shroud . We combed his hair precisely then wrapped the body in a sheet, securing the last fold over his face with a safety pin and a gentle comment of " good night"
When we had finished, the enrolled nurse lit a cigarette and took a big drag of it.
Sensing I was still a bit shaken by the whole experience , she offered it to me which I refused, then shared with me her own personal philosophy on the situation.
" Every life is important" she said carefully ......."no matter how it is lived..remember that fact"
That was in November 1983 on Irby Ward at the West Cheshire Hospital
41 years ago
It was snowing
I have never forgotten it.
That was quite an experience to remember to have done that.
ReplyDeleteThe snow reminded me of the story
DeleteWhoa. This is a beautiful story.
ReplyDelete🙂
DeleteWhat a powerful story. There are those folks who feel qualified to judge the value of another person's life, to pass judgement on their worth...but this is a reminder that they shouldn't.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, the people that most need to absorb the wisdom of this simply won't. They will simply keep on being critical and spiteful, certain of their own superiority and ever 'rightness'.
Yeap yeap yeap
DeleteSo important. Every life matters.
ReplyDeleteTo someone
DeleteHow pleased the enrolled nurse would have been to know that her words would remain with you for 43 years. It's a kind of immortality.
ReplyDeleteJanet Eason , thank you
DeleteThis is especially moving, John. Here in the states it does not feel like every life matters, and there will be no peace until we can all live that way. Thank you for this beautiful reminder.
ReplyDeleteWe matter
DeleteWhen I worked as an Auxiliary nurse, initially in a private nursing home, then in the NHS, I was always taught that every person deserved the dignity and care that we would expect for ourselves or our loved ones, before and after death. Each person is someone's son/daughter, or husband/wife, partner, friend, father/mother etc. To my mind, it is the last thing you can do for someone, so should be a respectful, caring act. xx
ReplyDeleteWell said x
DeleteLovely and very true. Care for all no matter what! 💕💕
DeleteI have never heard that term before. Yes everyone deserves a respectful “good night” Gigi
ReplyDeleteYou've learned some powerful lessons over your career, thank you for sharing them. This was wonderful to read.
ReplyDeleteYes I’m experienced and I’m been lucky being so
DeleteMoved to tears this snowy morning.
ReplyDeleteThank u xx🌨️☃️☺️
DeleteCare that continues beyond the last breath. Wonderfully written.
ReplyDeleteXx
DeleteI wish that more people had that respect for the fundamental principle that every life matters. It seems to be lacking more and more.
ReplyDeleteThere should be more hand holding in life
DeleteSo moving, so right.
ReplyDeleteAlison in Wales x
What a powerful post. So much in so few words. You truly are a fine writer. And you know, when you remember these very important lessons that you were taught and share them with us, that knowledge is passed on in a deep and real way.
ReplyDeleteThank you dearheartvx
DeleteIf you feel like sharing, I would be so interested to hear how your hospice work has changed your attitude about your own death. Six years ago we helped our beloved family member die through assisted suicide, legal in California. For a brief while I wasn’t afraid of dying but the fear is back now. Suz
ReplyDeleteAn interesting question,
DeleteI am really cynical about care in my old age
I suspect I’m not going to have any advocate to fight for me at those last moments
So I’m hoping for the best
Everyone of us was at some point someone's baby.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully put
DeleteDeeply moving and powerful post.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing so many of your life experiences.
I like telling a good story, I get that from my mother
DeleteBeautifully said.
ReplyDeleteEvery life matters.
The last goodnight... comes to us all and is ideally respectful and caring.
Some people say . Would it matter
DeleteSo very very true. A very thoughtful and powerful post. Echoing everyone else, thanks for sharing another insight into your life experiences.
ReplyDeleteWe all have such experiences as nurses, , so many forget those old lessons
DeleteShe was the perfect mentor for that particular task. In the years that have followed, have you also instructed younger nurses in that role?
ReplyDeleteMany many times debra
DeleteI wish more people were respectful of the mentally ill. Linda
ReplyDeleteSo do I linda
DeleteA very touching story and advice to remember every day
ReplyDeleteI’m watching I’m a celebrity and todays pst feels very surreal
DeleteI love your healthcare stories, they read likes a James Herriot novel
ReplyDeleteLee
What a moving account of your experience in November, 1983 and what a true fact the nicotine stained sister shared with you. No doubt that fact made you a better nurse and those younger nurses with whom you shared this story are better nurses because of this essential lesson.
ReplyDeleteAnother one for the book.
Hugs!
A box ticked
DeleteI know I keep banging in about this but you should write a book. You have an experience most of us do not. When you talk about end of life matters I always learn something.
ReplyDeletePS My mate couldn’t find anything about your dad. Sorry
Never mind xx
DeleteThat's a powerful story, John. It is good to pass on such valuable lessons for all of us to remember. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI’ve been chastised recently for my storytelling
DeleteHow will others learn if you don't tell the story?
DeleteStories tell important life lessons so please ignore the nitwit who criticized you. He or she is probably envious of your experiences and skills.
DeleteHugs!
That was such a beautiful story. Thank you again for sharing. Lini from petaluma
ReplyDeletePetaluma
DeleteSounds like a fairey lane place
My son died last month. I can only hope that whoever performed his 'last offices' was someone as tender and caring as you, John. x
ReplyDeleteSending you a Trelawnyd hug
Delete💕💕love and care / concern
DeleteMy sympathies. Hugs!
Delete❤💔 Sending love and hugs. xx
DeleteSo sorry for your loss x
DeleteMary my heart is so sad for you xx Kath
DeleteThe first person I laid out was my Dad. The Palliative Care nurse said "I know your a student nurse, I'll leave you to it" and left. I had less than an hour to do it as she'd already called the funeral home.
ReplyDeleteWashed him, dressed him as he wanted. I think I was too numb to feel anything.
Too much
DeleteToo too much but I’ve had a family recently , the women of which performed the last offices
Although I may have read this wrong but I think that was a heartless thing for the Palliative Care nurse to do. She should have supported you in your loss not assumed you'd be able to cope as a student nurse. Very sad attitude I feel.
DeleteI agree, Jo. The first time you lay someone out is bad enough, but when it's your own father...
DeleteShe should have gently asked if you'd like to help her, and shown the respect for both of you that you especially deserved at such a time.
I hope, looking back, you can see how precious and special that time was, despite the pain, and how much your Dad would have appreciated your loving touch. Hugs. xx
I'm glad I've never had to perform such duties; I'd be a blubbing mess. Even reading about it.......
ReplyDeleteI wish such respect and care for everyone at those times. Such a special lesson for her to gift you with.
ReplyDeleteA profoundly powerful experience.
ReplyDelete