How To Handle A Lemon sucker

 


Lemon suckers leave a sour taste in your mouth unless you add something sweet to the mix in order to lessen the acidity. 

I’m getting better at this, thanks to personal development, but I’m still inclined to bite rather than to diffuse In the company of these people, your words become your weapons, not to destroy, but to defend, to protect and to deconstruct their thinking. When they turn things downward, negative and sour, you can turn it right back around again. Lift things upwards, be positive and empowering. 

Question their thinking, ask them why they would choose to take the negative perspective they have? Ask them if their perspective is helpful? You see the more you question them, the less they share their acid tones with you as they don't like being questioned or challenged and will feel less and less inspired to share as they are not getting the response they desire.

As a good friend says ‘act as a sweetener’ around these people. According to Huxton (2017) “ Inside every ‘lemon sucker’ is a great person waiting to escape the misery they are causing themselves and others. They just need to be shown, guided, questioned, nurtured and encouraged to look inside themselves, to explore how they are affecting their own status quo and well-being and that of those around them.”

I don’t want more practice. But I need more if you know what I mean .
I’m being mindful today. It’s colder and we’ve had the odd shower, during which I’ve collected the houseplants and put them outside for a natural bath and drink
I’m going to the theatre later
 

68 comments:

  1. Anonymous12:51 pm

    can we have more pictures of those girls from yesterday please?

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    1. The ones that have been achieved have been lost like many in blogger..why do you ask?

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  2. Blogger is playing up today

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  3. Yellow Shoes1:12 pm

    Someone I know always sees the downside of a situation so I've automatically always tried to put the upside.
    One day I decided to say instead - yeah you're right, it is shit - it worked, they seem to have shut up!

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    1. I always forget that you can always just walk away

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    2. Anonymous1:34 pm

      😂

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  4. Some find it enjoyable to pull things down. It is a character flaw or depression. Asking a few questions can set things right. Goofing can send things in another direction as well. Pick your poison....ideally sweet and sometimes tart.

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    1. I think it’s called a personality disorder now susan , yes depression is a great slap to positivism

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  5. I have a paper taped to my mirror that says, "Before you speak, THINK! T is it true?, H is it helpful?, I is it inspiring?, N is it necessary?, K is it kind?"

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  6. Anonymous1:29 pm

    Dear John. Personally, your column of today is very inspiring like a mini revelation . I'm going to try to follow your advice when faced with a " lemon sucker « . Merci !

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    1. Anonymous1:34 pm

      That’s Italian lol

      Lee

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    2. Anonymous1:39 pm

      Hey Lee, everything's fine: French and Iyalian are 2 Romance languages and ... I studied Italian! Catherine -Catarina

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    3. Anonymous1:59 pm

      I’m still coming to grips with English irony and playfulness

      Lee

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  7. Anonymous1:31 pm

    This is me CatherinefromFrance. I amn’t anonymous :)

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  8. I love the phrase Lemon Sucker, unfortunately I'm married to one! I've tried sympathy, I've tried to be cheering but he is determined to be miserable and that it's All my fault. All I can do is keep buggering on.

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    1. Or buggering off lol x

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    2. Anonymous8:53 pm

      is bugger off the same as jog on?

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  9. As I get older, I have less and less time for lemon suckers. Unless they are my nearest and dearest (and luckily none of them seem to be afflicted), I'd rather leave them to their own devices. I have better things to do! xx

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  10. "According to Huxton (2017) “ Inside every ‘lemon sucker’ is a great person waiting to escape the misery they are causing themselves and others. " Nope.
    They are bitter, stubborn people consumed by their own misery. I let them be, because I don't have time for that in my life.

    XOXO

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    1. And that strategy maybe the most effective

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  11. Anonymous2:19 pm

    We call them Negative Nellie or Grumpy Gus - Jackie

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    1. Moaning Mavis is another but not in real life

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    2. Debbie Downer is another.

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  12. I worked with a "lemon sucker" because no one else wanted to. Well, neither did I really, but had no choice. I spent day in and day out reversing her negative thinking with positive thoughts or "what ifs" and after weeks and weeks of this, she started to change and other people started noticing it and commented to me what an impact I had on her and whatever I was doing, not to stop. Well, eventually she ended up working on a different shift, with other people and I was no longer involved. I heard she drifted back into her unpleasant unhappy, mean spirited self, after a couple of weeks. Yes, it can be done, but it is exhausting. Frankly, even though pleased that she started to seem to enjoy her life more, I was glad she moved on. It wore me down to try to keep working on her character and attitude, to the point that I was afraid I was going to need help myself. Turns out, just not having that pressing on my mind all of the time, helped me find my center again and relax a bit more. Did I learn my lesson? Ah, no - did the same with another fellow worker, but that's a whole 'nother story. And that time I was asked to try to find out what was underneath all of that hostility, by my supervisor. Ranee (USA)

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    1. Nicely explained Ranee
      You can’t lose self in all this ,
      Some personalities take and take and take

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    2. That is my problem and it is my mother.
      She said I make her feel better and she likes being around me, but it has become just too hard and too much trouble almost. Help?
      It may be why I sometimes express a downer on here. So sorry all.

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    3. Moan away DeArheart ,,we all need to x

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  13. Many years ago at age 20 I worked with Ann, a very bitter older woman disliked by most. Being young and dumb I didn't realize any of this and just treated her normally, meaning nice, smiling, being interested in her, making her smile. One day one of the others came up to me and said she couldn't believe how much Ann had changed and it was all because of me and the kindness I showed her. We never know what others are going through and they never know what we are going through. I think the often cruel comments on your blog come from very very unhappy people. We have to remember that but sometimes they cross way over the line to ignore or be nice to. Not sure how those should be handled when they are truly appalling in their comments.
    Look, there are times that I disagree with you and I'm sure you would disagree with some of my thoughts but for gosh sake we are humans and disagreeing is fine but not when you viciously attack.

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    1. It’s all about degrees Linda
      The internet allows people to feel that they can say anything they like , which is empowering in a way given the fact if they met you, nothing similar would come out of their mouths.
      Environment has a lot to do with things as you describe .
      Depression is insidious are negative learned behaviours , where sadness, pessimistic views flourish

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  14. Good advice if you MUST deal with these people. I tend to just avoid them or severely limit interaction once I know they are negative, sour downer-types.

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    1. Anonymous5:11 pm

      I run away, I don’t walk and I’m not subtle about it too.
      The problem with “ lemon suckers” is that they invariably have no awareness. They think that what they say is relevant and appropriate to any given situation and often have an inflated need to control the conversations. My mother was one. My father left her after 35 years. What he described to me was toxic gas lighting, which was never a thing in my day despite Bergman’s awful film .
      I suppose you will have to work with people that are negative and controlling.
      How does that work if you can’t “ get on” ?
      Have you the right to say “ I don’t like you, I’m not working with you”?
      How does that work professionally?

      Shit John what are you doing?

      Keith

      Xx

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    2. I’m not a fan of Gaslight either, Bergman was never the simpering victim

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    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    4. Humm not sure I understood this

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  15. It works in some cases - I persistently worked at it with certain people as I can be quite determined and get a good outcome - But not at all with a trio plus one other - it only got worse with their anger and rage errupting and I ran for cover - Leeches I call them - Not my family by the way we are friends x

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  16. Barbara anne5:53 pm

    My FIL was one of those negative people an he resisted anything positive or happy, so we carried on being nice anyway because we didn't want to be miserable, too. We took is words with a grain of salt.

    There is a Mary Englebreit card and mug that says "She Who Laughs, Lasts. I got that one for my dear MIL!

    Hugs!

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    1. Clever and pragmatic and no challenges to anyone, what a tightrope

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  17. Mary , your friendship your mutual rules
    If it works
    Great xx

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  18. I always feel so good when I can put the houseplants outside.

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  19. Jo in Auckland9:02 pm

    I'm not sure the people I am referring to are "Lemon suckers" exactly but there have been people in my life that I can only be around for a short period of time as when I leave their company I am completely drained like a balloon... they appear to suck all of the life out of me. By nature I am normally a glass half full type of person or at least "middle of the road" so I guess I use up all of that dealing with them. I sure hope they feel better after being around me.

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  20. I may be confused but I thought you had or were about to be "retired". Not so?

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    1. Bloody hell no……I retired in 2017
      My hubby left in 2018 , so I had to go back to work to save the cottage…

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  21. I have a lemon sucker in my family. Unhappy. No matter what. The person has had a hard life. I accept that. The lemon sucker is a child's significant other. The relationship appears to be solid, and has lasted many years. My job is to accept my lemon sucker. And I mostly do. I can see the good, the hard working person, someone who feels great responsibility for the family he has taken on. I can also see the small child (in the body of a 41 year old) wanting to be acknowledged.

    It is not easy, but it's been a good lesson for me, actually.

    Then there are those lemon suckers who exist merely to suck the sweet out of everyone else. I avoid those people like the plague.

    So...not all lemon suckers are created equal.

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    1. If you don’t see them that often, jobs a good un

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    2. Anonymous11:49 pm

      I see mine quite regularly. I think he has never had a family and want to be a part of one. Sometimes, I think he is just a big kid looking for validation.

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  22. Anonymous10:52 pm

    What does that mean ?

    Lee

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    1. Anonymous3:03 pm

      None of it means anything really Lee, it's all to do with trying to convince fee paying students that they're gettng a qualification that means something. Much of it consists of bulling up the student to make them think they're absolutely brilliant at what they're doing.
      I've been there, done that and wore the t shirt.
      Reality stepped in a couple of years later and boy was I glad to get back to normality!

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    2. This is your post Anon !!!!

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  23. Aggression begets more aggression just as obstinacy begets more obstinacy. It's nice to signal other ways of advancing that do not gnaw away at you.

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  24. Anonymous12:30 am

    A good friend of many years was like that, I would get 2 hour calls of "dumping" what was wrong with her husband, daughter, daughter's partner, her car, doctor, health, job from past. After a 3 hour call I was wrecked and considered going back on antidepressants (after 14 years) so decided my efforts in trying to help never going to work. So sadly ended all contact.

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  25. I consider myself very fortunate that I wake happy and remain so for the rest of the day; unless I encounter one of your 'lemon suckers'.

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  26. I think I try to be positive around such a person - but there is a limit for me - when I will avoid them as best I can. I have to be feeling quite strong and happy myself at the time for it to help them, and if I am tired or a bit down then it can just drag me down too. Also maybe there are "grades" of this trait, and some just always take the pessimistic view in life, and others simply want to destroy and hurt. Which I find much harder to cope with.

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  27. I don't mind if people avoid me. I am happy in my own little world. I am very selective about who I spend time with.

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    1. You don’t suck lemons though my friend

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  28. Anonymous7:56 am

    When questioning why voters support trump in the US, their reasons often go against their beliefs, religions, common sense. What a mess.
    weavinfool

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    1. Anonymous1:15 pm

      I agree- What a mess!!! - Jackie

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  29. Blogger is right royal pain in the arse some days. Glad you got it sorted, delete my comment if you want to. :-)

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I love all comments Except abusive ones from arseholes