Morale and A Memory

Morale at work is low, it always is when a much loved workmate dies unexpectedly and staff gather together to morn, to talk, remember and gain comfort. I’ve not been back to work since Ann’s death but I’ve been in touch with others I work with and now am able to go to her funeral as others that didn’t know her well are kindly now covering my shift.. As a Manager I have dealt with similar scenarios and you just have to have broad shoulders and an open office door. 

The following blog of a decade ago, was flagged up by a follower this morning. He emailed me with a kind, thoughtful observation which I shall take on board and I will share the blog with you today.
On reflection I’m rather proud of it, and I’ve enjoyed the memory


“I have often heard that cats are attracted to people that either don't like them or are frightened of them. Such is the fickle and rather demanding nature of felines.
Dogs on the other hand seldom approach someone who does not want to be approached. They, like insecure children, need and love adulation and will often grab it whenever it is offered.
They are wrong footed when they feel rejected, like toddlers can be.

Every night The Prof is approached by Winnie after he has sat down heavily into his armchair.
She doesn't bounce like the terriers, nor does she jump up to rest huge paws on a knee, she just sits and looks, waiting for that big kiss on a face the size of a large dinner plate.
To be fair to the Prof, he never wanted or indeed even likes bulldogs. Winnie's arrival was a kind of fait accompli which drove him almost to distraction, so he kind of tolerates the big old girl, without offering the sloppy affection I give her, every single day.
But every day. Winnie wanders up to the Prof as he taps away at emails that need reading, and rather seriously she will lower herself down like a fat woman negotiating a deck chair, her eyes never leaving his face. There she will wait,sometimes for an age, for him to look over his spectacles to acknowledge her.

I watch this scenario every single night.

The acknowledgement always comes eventually.
It's never, however, a kiss on a big sloppy face. Nor is it an overwhelming coo-cooing an old lady gives to her pekingese but eventually the Prof will look slowly down from his work and without a smile he will pat the big girl firmly on the head .
Winnie will always battle for more. She will wave a fat paw at the Prof in a futile attempt for him to pat longer and hard as it may seem on the surface, I realised that all this is a kind of game the two of them play.
She is more than happy with that one pat!


It's a dance between bulldog and stoney faced academic.”



72 comments:

  1. Anonymous10:17 am

    You see things John Gray .You observe the small things in life others miss.
    You are an empath.
    I am able to see every moment in this miniature play between academic and dog and am moved that now, a decade on you take the sweetness out of it.

    Lee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7:01 pm

      I was going to add a reply to your reply , but you’ve not replied as yet ( I understand my thinking)
      Empaths are easily hurt, I was going to add

      Lee

      Delete
    2. Lee I agree with you.
      I can read a room very quickly and I’m pretty good at seeing things others miss

      Delete
  2. Anonymous10:34 am

    As is often the case John, your writing has brought both laughter and tears as I am sitting here in the early morning hours with my coffee . Thanks for sharing your life with us.
    Jackie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was essentially another lazy post as All I’ve done is paint today, paint , clean and arrange furniture

      Delete
  3. Winnie did with patience win x

    ReplyDelete
  4. My heart felt this one, John. Observant people get to see the smallest, quietest details of things. And the writer in you gets to capture them in words, forever preserving the scene and its feelings. We get to read those words and are moved, as you were. It's a lovely gift.

    ReplyDelete
  5. weaver11:00 am

    Lovely to see dear old Winnie again John. She was so different from Dorothy wasn't she? Might you get another or a kitten? Where have you put Dotty - do you have a place in your garden or field for your deceased pals? Or do you scatter their ashes in the long grass? x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Weaver
      All four bulldogs have been characters but Dorothy and Winnie were a blog writers dream. They were also polar opposites
      I will get another kitten but one that can cope with Roger’s dimness and Mary’s occasional bed temper

      I have the animals cremated now as I’ve no longer got the field

      Delete
    2. Keith

      I’ve had four bulldogs all breeding females
      Constance , Mabel, Winifred and Dorothy

      Delete
  6. Winnie was a beauty and a gorgeous old lady, I'm so glad I got to meet her.
    Dogs understand the type of love they are given by each person that they know and respond accordingly. Fitting into the pack in the right place is something they like everyone to do. Winnie more than likely saw the Prof as the absolute head of the pack, and that little pat on the head was an acknowledgement that she had her place too. ❤

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree so much with this Sue, and you describe it so well.

      Delete
  7. Beautiful observation and writing, as usual, John. xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, it was a lazy post really

      Delete
  8. Anonymous11:21 am

    A post that remembers the “Prof” with affection
    A first?

    Well done

    ReplyDelete
  9. Yes, your Winnie/Prof story is beautifully observed and written. A particularly striking image is Winnie "lower[ing] herself down like a fat woman negotiating a deck chair."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4:21 pm

      I really liked ( and have lived ) that observation too!
      Siobhan x

      Delete
    2. I live that too …honest

      Delete
  10. The old song, 'As Stately as a Galleon' comes into mind when I see or read about Winnie. I saw similarities in what passed between the Prof and Winnie with my husband and Elsie. Husband is not a dog person so it's heart warming whenever he shows Elsie affection.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I used to describe her as a galleon in full sale

      Delete
  11. Beautifully written, someday you should edit the entries together into a book. I always wait for the dog to come to me. If they come gently we will be just fine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do too, too many people race forward with hand outstretched
      In dog speak that’s rude

      Delete
  12. krayolakris12:24 pm

    Ten years ago? I remember reading that post the first time and am even more moved by it today. So nice to see Winnie’s lovely self. Sending hugs across the pond.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I’ve checked , as my emailer said 1O. It was in fact 8

      Delete
  13. Darling John, I am sure you have missed me something rotten the last many months. Here I am.

    As so often you make me smile. Alas, I can't say what there is to say - amusing as it may be - because as sure as hell you'll take it the wrong way.

    Just one point, I hope not too controversial. Has it ever occurred to you that some people [yours truly] don't like being slobbered over by a dog? That they find kissy kissy between owner and dog disgusting? If only for reasons of hygiene?

    I have known some magnificent dogs in my life. Not least the one I grew up with. A black Alsation/German Shepherd. Majestic. Unfortunately, most other dogs appear to be rather needy rather than self contained. Those pleading eyes, endless expectation to be thrown a ball, go walkies. Can't bear it. Who wants to be on a constant guilt trip?

    Other than that I am sorry about Dorothy having lost the will to live. As to Winnie: As bulldogs go, I warmed to her. Anyway, no one can help their face. Or likes/dislikes. At best you hide them. And walk.

    U

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol against my better judgement I’ve let this comment stand ,
      As always you have pointed out something I’ve not written about ( because it wasn’t necessary ) and championed another point of view, but you’ve been polite so I’ve let that go to.
      What you did get wrong however is that Dorothy lost the will to live, she didn’t. She had the will to keep being top dog alongside me till the very end, only physically giving up when the tumour finally allowed her bleed out, gently away
      But I’m sure I will be seen as a neurotic blogger incapable of being challenged .
      We shall see where this goes

      Delete
    2. Ps only Eleanor calls me darling !!!

      Delete
    3. Anonymous2:48 pm

      Great line lol

      Delete
    4. I never thought Dorothy gave up the will to live. I don't think many dogs feel that way.

      Delete
    5. They don’t know they are dying …however .I think some dogs do get depressed and that affects their physical health badly

      Delete
  14. Barbara1:07 pm

    Awesome !

    ReplyDelete
  15. Yes. You captured that every-evening moment so beautifully.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I should have done, I watched it enough

      Delete
  16. Anonymous2:18 pm

    I loved this remembrance of Winnie and her efforts to woo the Prof.

    The cat thing is so true, but can be complicated if the person the cat perceives as not liking them and needing to be drawn in has significant cat allergies. I absolutely adore cats, all cats. All cats take this as an imperative to gain my love, and I have to give them the cold shoulder - awful. But if I give in, the whites of my eyes have on occasion swollen up.
    Nina

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes I have a couple of friends who are allergic to animals

      Delete
  17. Barbara Anne2:29 pm

    Great description of the contrariness of cats!

    What an eloquent word picture of the sweet, quiet interaction between the Prof and dear Winnie. Now about that book?

    I'm glad you're free to go to Ann's funeral.

    Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What I love is the fact that many of the staff from our sister hospice have offered to do the shifts of the staff that want to attend Ann’s funeral , how kind x

      Delete
  18. Nicely observed and well written, captures Winnie's deep emotional intelligence [which I suppose is shared by many dogs], and a bit of foreshadowing highlighting "The Prof" 's cold reserve. Sad but lovely post, I remember it well.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Winnie wanted to build a stronger bond with another member of her "pack."

    ReplyDelete
  20. Wonderful post. Dear Winnie. I, for one, appreciate the fact that you delete the negative posts that cause controversy. Other commenters decide to respond, and there is so much back-and-forth, that the post that led to the uproar gets lost in the fray. Please. Keep on. Sometimes a deletion promotes peace. That is a good thing, especially in today's world.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Not negative posts! Negative comments. Not awake yet!

    ReplyDelete
  22. The difference between cats and dogs was never more obvious to me than when I was in my teens and early twenties.
    If I'd been on a night out with friends, and was ever so slightly 'tipsy', the dogs would bounce around the kitchen, ready to play, the cats, however, would look out from their beds and give me a look that clearly said "Ugh, you're drunk"! X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I know and remember that look of shame

      Delete
  23. Great story, and happy for Winnie that she finally got that pat on the head.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I remember her out on a walk where she would slowly line herself up with an approaching Walker so that she was assured to meet them

      Delete
  24. A sudden loss of a much-liked coworker is a shock to the system. It takes some time to find balance after a loss like this. Some people care for animals/pets but do not love them like we, the true dog and cat lovers, do. I do see cats seek out those that do not care for them. It is an odd dynamic to see a cat jump up to sit on the lap of someone that would rather not have a cat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe it’s devilment ? Or opportunistic

      Delete
  25. Anonymous6:44 pm

    Glorious post John, so damn right about a dog who loves affection from anyone who gives it but who also has only one truly loved human that they will smother with love. Jan in Castle Gresley

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hugs again today. I am sure Eleanor's " John darling" is like a hug and a kiss and a ray of sunshine, just when you could use it most. Unconditional love is the most precious gift one could give or receive.
    A toast...to "love", the kind we all need, real and true.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is indeed
      Eleanor uses “ darling” like a real warm blanket
      No falseness in her welcomes

      Delete
  27. Haven't been in blogland for quite a while, but popping in to say hello and glad to see you're still writing.

    megan from megan blogs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeap still here lass, still breathing x

      Delete
  28. The way you react to the death of a co-worker seems healthy to me. I've, like you, seen the death of many patients. I haven't kept track.
    The only other experience I've had with it was long ago, In Viet Nam. We weren't 'co-workers', we were in some cases brothers, others we were acquaintances, depending on how long they'd been with us.The reaction though, was the same...we used it for a variety of things: "Don't mean nothing, not a thing".
    I think it was a way of denying what was happening around us, and to us. We thought we could block it out, keep it from affecting us.
    Boy, in the end, were we wrong.
    Hope you're well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your insight Mike,
      Did you have PTSD ? Was it treated my friend ?

      Delete
    2. Something I had written here was deleted
      apparently it was an unwelcome comment, so that you can relax knowing I won't write what you find inappropriate again I won't comment anymore, I wish you good health and happiness,M

      Delete
    3. Mary you didn’t say anything wrong but what you said about my ex husband is only fodder for the trolls who as you know cause trouble

      Delete
    4. Thank you for explaining that,I understand now, and will gladly stay in touch with you on here
      Mary

      Delete
  29. Anonymous6:32 am

    Hi John. Animal lover here. I must go against the grain somewhat. I have a rescue cat who is constantly by my side, extremely affectionate and loyal and Im sure thinks she is a dog. If I deny her the right to sleep on the bed she very much takes offence and it sounds as though she is karate kicking the door until I let her in. I suspect she was abused before we had her and she very much wont go to anyone who she thinks may not like her. Louise X

    ReplyDelete
  30. Anonymous7:35 am

    I retired from a county library, a place that appears timeless, never changing. One year we had three co-workers die plus the son of the director. It was a hell of a year emotionally.
    Your stories of Winnie did her proud. Her dump in the middle of the zebra crossing was comic gold.
    weavinfool

    ReplyDelete
  31. Your work colleagues must form very strong bonds due to the intensity at times and how much you depend on each other too. Am so sorry to hear the news and glad you can attend her funeral.

    I remember the post about Winnie. It was so touching.

    ReplyDelete
  32. This was a very thoughtful post. And to me, you captured perfectly the difference between dogs and cats. I have had dogs my whole life, and I just love them so. Having Shirley now has filled me up, if that makes any sense at all.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Anonymous4:15 am

    Not a big animal lover. Always have a sort of bad feeling that as such, I can’t really be a nice person! 🥺 kathy

    ReplyDelete

I love all comments Except abusive ones from arseholes