“ My final pick I the final moment of the award winning prison drama “This Thing of Darkness”
It’s a programe about the psychological impact that the act of murder has on teenagers who committed murder.
These are the closing thoughts from the psychologist running their prison therapy group
It’s the heinous act of murder taken not as good versus evil but viewed without judgement by an expert on the darkest workings of the human mind.
“I had a wise forensic colleague who had a particular interest in the way violent offenders changed their language of agency over time. As if they were filling in the missing colours of their personal narrative. He talked about a long staircase of acceptance; they climbed with small incremental steps, beginning with the first step of, “It wasn’t me”. And ending in a final step of taking responsibility by saying “I killed”.
Antony had got stuck on the first step.
Not helped by his mother, who so desperately wanted and needed to believe in him. I have seen many mothers like her, clinging fast to righteousness no matter what their children had done.
I do like the image of the staircase, but often what Ive seen, coming out of denial is so hard and so bad, it’s more like walking on the road to Calvary , a kind of excruciating stumble towards responsibility and redemption .
Not everyone gets there.
Therapists neither like me, judge nor fix those who travel this difficult path. Nor do we try to make them behave better
We just walk with them,
Whilst they do the work of accepting who they are.
We are their companions to the way, keeping them company on the journey.
I thinks that is the most we can ask of any of our fellows in times of suffering, to be with us.
I think of the great spiritual teacher Ram Dass saying
We are all just walking each other home
This is lovely. Thank you for sharing it. I like things that remind us all we have is each other.
ReplyDeleteIt caught me unawares and reminded me of the humanity of humanity
DeleteLearning to accept ourselves, warts and all, does not happen unless there is someone there to accept us (and our warts) first. Acceptance comes from the outside first, I think, and that is how we learn to accept ourselves.
ReplyDeleteBeing truly authentic
DeleteJohn. I walk with you
ReplyDeleteWalk slowly I’m stiff today
DeleteI think this is also true of physical suffering when there is nothing more to be done by medicine and we realise that we are near the end. All we can do then sometimes is to "just be here for each other".
ReplyDeleteHow strong therapists must be. I would struggle to walk some of those very bleak paths with people without it affecting me very badly. I love the quote: "We are all just walking each other home". Full of truth and love.
I know ,I’m wondering if I will have any near the skills
DeleteWill you please stop making me cry? Whenever I hear of children killing children, and it's happening all too often now, I think of all the lives that have been shattered by that one act. I hope they all have someone to walk them home. xx
ReplyDeleteI hope we all do
DeletePowerful
ReplyDeleteIt is l I thought that
DeleteIf only politicians and 'wronged' populations would take this view. We are here for such a short time.
ReplyDeleteAnd we fight so hard
DeleteI like the image of the road John. What is strange at the moment is how my thinking is changing. And thank you for that kick up the knickers. I have e mailed you.
ReplyDeleteAnd I have emailed you back xxx hike up those knickers
DeleteI think of it as - I am happily sailing along in a rowingboat - then drowning - a fisherman reaches his strong arm and pulls me to safety -From time to time we chat over a cuppax
ReplyDelete!!!! whatever next!
DeleteIt must be a terrible thing to contemplate the mechanics of murder over a long period in prison. I suspect that most murderers regret that they were caught, rather than what they did.
ReplyDeleteI guess you are right cro , unfortunately
DeleteI was with you until Baba Ram Dass was mentioned. He is a dickhead.
ReplyDeleteWas. Why do you think that though?
DeleteI know nothing of him, although I liked the walking analogy
Deletehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ram_Dass Richard Alpert, a buddy of Tim Leary and others. An interesting person, little older than me. People of a certain ilk don't like him.
DeleteThis thing of darkness, various stories played out in group therapy sessions in a prison setting. Radio 4 afternoons at 2.15
ReplyDeleteBrilliant series thoroughly recommended.
I have no idea if you can get the past series on some sort of catch up devise. I am clueless about tech and gadgets. But worth listening if you can find this. Tess
I’ve found it in 3 seconds on my iPlayer
DeleteForensic psychologists and psychiatrists hear the most extreme life stories, in some way we are all damaged and seeking healing, often the hardest is self acceptance.
ReplyDeleteI have come across some very helpful things in this grieving process. The last line is one of them .
ReplyDeleteIt’s a comfort to read
DeleteNo one can walk our path for us, but companionship on the road is indeed welcome.
ReplyDeleteWalk your dog alongside the other and both slow down
DeleteI find the staircase analogy interestig and love the last line quotation.
ReplyDeleteKindness is almost everything.
Hugs!
Yes , the walking analogy is perfect for person centred counselling
DeleteI think a little of the worst of us lives in most of us. Most tend to keep it at bay, or not admit it exists. But it does. Often in our dreams, the ones that wake you at 3am, your heart pounding, cortisol racing through your veins. Later you don't remember the dreams, thankfully. But they reside within you.
ReplyDeleteGripping.
ReplyDeleteWow. I never thought of therapy like that but it makes so much sense, but such a different way of looking at things. No preconceived ideas, no good or bad, just walking with someone while they come to accept themselves and what they did. I've never really thought much about people who have murdered others, or how they can come to forgive themselves or have compassion for themselves. That's got to be so hard. It's the worst thing a human can do, to take the life of another. You've made me think about forgiveness and compassion in a whole new way. Thanks John.
ReplyDelete"What a profound exploration of the human psyche and the journey towards acceptance and redemption. The analogy of the staircase is hauntingly beautiful, and the idea of therapists as companions on this difficult path resonates deeply. It's as if they're the angels guiding these individuals towards their own understanding and peace.
ReplyDelete