An evening invitation to the cinema next week has sort of changed into an unexpected date and I’m not quite sure how I feel about things.
True I bang on about being isolated and lonely but I seldom write that I want someone new in my life.
Have I actually got the mind space and the time for someone new?
I’m not so sure.
He’s texted me a lot after I didn’t turn up at book club
Which is flattering enough, but really…. am I bothered enough at my age to start to negotiate the rituals and and hard work dating requires?
I’m not sure.
I will go on the date with an open mind
It will be interesting having a conversation away from a novel for a change
It may be lovely
I’m just not sure
Well, exactly. Step by step. You don't have to decide anything right away!
ReplyDeleteJust have some fun and maybe a snog
ReplyDeleteHe could be good for you, but if you don’t give it a chance you will never know. Might turn out best to be just a book club friend. Gigi
ReplyDeleteNothing ventured nothing gained!! Have a lovely time.
ReplyDeleteThat was me Frances!
ReplyDeleteYou're not that bloody old! Whatever happens, enjoy:)
ReplyDelete"am I bothered enough at my age to start to negotiate the rituals and and hard work dating requires?"
ReplyDeleteYES.
XOXO
Just have a good time and don't worry about it.
ReplyDeleteTime will tell!
ReplyDeleteJust go and don't worry about what it is or isnt.
ReplyDeleteHmm, sounds like when you met Dorothy, unsure if you were ready.
ReplyDeleteI like the advice to take it a bit at a time. And if it's a good fit, it will be comfortable, not hard work. Well, you'll see. Enjoy the movie anyway!
ReplyDeleteJust enjoy the friendship. Take things slowly and if it's meant to be something more, you'll both soon get to know. (I bet he's got first date nerves, too!) xx
ReplyDeleteHe didn't ask if he could move in! I think maybe you'll need to open your mind just a tiny bit more before next week. Enjoy yourself, irresistible you.
ReplyDeleteAnother great comment from you
DeleteWhenever I am in this predicament, I stop short ali the fretting and ask "will I or will I not" and commit to whatever the decision and go forward, no more fretting.
ReplyDeleteWhat's the difference between an invitation to the cinema and a date? What's he said that implies that one is different from the other? Bel Ami
ReplyDeleteLiving alone and liking it, I understand your predicament and run like hell when a man shows interest in me. Even when it's just to invite me to coffee. People, even well meaning and loving, can drain the lifeforce out of you. Being with another takes time and energy away from the comfortable aloneness one has built for oneself. I've not thought twice about should I or shouldn't I when interest is shown. But should I ever doubt and think maybe, I'll revert back to the old "When in doubt, leave it out".
ReplyDeleteJust when you have things sorted...life is like that...just go and enjoy your evening out.
ReplyDeleteLol, yes it’s a lot of work to negotiate the wants and needs of another person!
ReplyDeleteWhen I tried online dating at 60, I thought it was as fun as job interviews. (I kinda like job interviews, but they’re work.)
Worth it? Maybe for the right person… (who in my case didn’t show up).
Regarding your upcoming date, if the conversation flows naturally and the connection is there, it will be no work and all joy. It is only when it is all hard work (to make it work) that it is not worth the time and effort. As needed, the swift exit is always useful.
ReplyDeleteYou have a huge amount going on and are still in recovery so it maybe hasn’t come at the best time. Glad you are going to go and enjoy, he maybe another wonderful friend if not another date. I’ve my fingers crossed, a bit of loovvviinnng is good. Noreen
ReplyDeleteYou should just think of it as going to the cinema with a friend.
ReplyDeleteJust take each moment as it happens and enjoy yourself, think of it as a date with a friend. xx
ReplyDeleteI have no advice John. I just hope whatever you do makes you happy. Jackie
ReplyDeleteJust enjoy yourself and don't overthink things
ReplyDeleteNo one is going to stroke your hair or bring you chicken soup, etc etc if you don't make an effort. Jennifer above has good advice, Have fun, don't overthink things. Make a new friend.
ReplyDeletelizzy x
Just see what happens- no pressure on yourself to make it into anything but a chance to enjoy someone else's company!
ReplyDeleteRelax and enjoy the film and the company of a friend.
ReplyDeleteEverything they said here. I wish you enjoy the meeting.
ReplyDeleteGo, see how the evening goes, if conversation flows and you find some things in common, all the better. If not, you've had an evening out with a friend, which is a good thing. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteAll in all, I don't think this is a bad problem to have, although the timing would be better if you hadn't been so ill recently. I always say that I am single by choice, but open to whatever happens. So I'm in the camp that you should go, lower expectations (although you can't control his), and just enjoy the evening, see what happens. You are good at mingling with people; even though you may not see it, we do.
ReplyDeleteNina
So normal to feel this way after one has been married or partnered and no longer is. You'd have to be a real Pollyanna not to. Just have fun and stay in the moment; don't worry about what's to follow (or not). -Signed, Never Doing It Again (oh sure)
ReplyDeleteJust enjoy yourself, whatever it may turn out to be.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy being friends who both enjoy reading and let it grow - or not - from there. If he likes to cook, that's a good thing.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
Only live once hon, go on, double-dare ya! Tess
ReplyDeleteIt's pretty much all been said. Just enjoy and see where it goes or not. Worse that can happen is cinema with a friend.
ReplyDeleteJust take the plunge and ask him for a blowie x
ReplyDeleteHahaha! Was waiting for someone to say this, wondered if it would be you...
DeleteJo in Auckland
Tooo 🤣
DeleteJust enjoy the movie... whatever else comes next is up to the universe!
ReplyDeleteJo in Auckland
Go ahead and enjoy x
ReplyDeleteThe thing is this: not enough is ever said about the so called simple social skills of the everyday. But if these things do not happen regularly, you lose the skill. So you lose confidence. So you doubt. It is just a matter of moving forward into it, whatever 'it' is.
ReplyDeleteWhen my husband retired, he took over the weekly shop. When he died, and I was doing that myself again after some years, the first weekly shop on my own took an hour. I had simply forgotten how to do it, and had to relearn the skill. The same thing applies to dating. Just open your mind, balance out your doubts and tiptoe in. And good luck.
I wish you the best, whatever that turns out to be.
ReplyDeleteJust go on the date with an open mind , You will know if the person is agreeable, doesn’t have halitosis and isn’t just wanting a quick fling. You have your standards….share the bill. And don’t let them have an inkling of your finances . Enjoy.. With good wishes from an old lezzo with experience
ReplyDeleteActually maybe a quick fling might be a good thing!
ReplyDeleteIt is a first date. No one is sure on a first date.
ReplyDeleteI am thinking nothing ventured nothing gained! I also think there are a lot of people wishing the best for you, and perhaps our collective good wishes will ensure that you have a lovely time. Good Luck with the date. Jean in Winnipeg
ReplyDeleteIt's just a date, you don't have to marry him (a true story from a friend's wedding 25 years ago).
ReplyDeleteWill Jay
Go with the flow; no expectations or regrets.
ReplyDeleteTry to relax and enjoy the night out, it's just a date to meet up not a commitment x
ReplyDeleteWell, I hope it will be lovely as you say you hope it may be.
ReplyDeleteAll the ritual of dating can be daunting and a new relationship is time and attention consuming, but maybe you can both take it slowly and let things just develop or not, but in a kind of mellow way.
I hope you enjoy the evening.
ReplyDeleteJohn, I get it! The thought of ever having to get to know someone, or worse, having to share myself with them does seem like more work than it's worth. (I am married 23 years now, and no plans to not be married.) Our son told us once, when he was in his late 20's, (he has a friend with benefits type of relationship now) that dating at his age was excruciatingly painful. He was a Captain in the Air Force at the time and when women found that out, they were all over him, trying to get married. He said it felt so dehumanizing. They wanted the security of his salary, the medical insurance, and the "prestige" of being married to an officer. Sigh. Being alone vs. trying to navigate the vagaries of another person - my bet is on alone, and have a tribe of awesome friends.
ReplyDeleteIs your friend-card full?
ReplyDeleteA date is a very buff raisin. LOL. Have fun. Bun
ReplyDeleteDo something every day that scares you!! I live with a Scouser so rest my case. Just see how the ‘date’ goes and don’t stress too much. Jan in Castle Gresley
ReplyDeleteThere's no harm in giving it a go John. If you find you have mutual interests, enjoy each other's company, find each other attractive etc then why not give that someone a chance? If it doesn't work out, c'est la vie. But, if you're happy with a long term menage a un/ one in a bed romp and don't want to disturb your current equilibrium, then give it a miss. Granted a bit of a dilemma for you, but at least you've been asked out! How often does that happen?
ReplyDeleteWell you're not short of advice, but none from me... my last date was in 1975 and I'm still married to her. Dating at 60 though? Is that even called a date, or a double-dodder? We all look forward to your doubtless well-written account... Oh, does the fellow know about your blog?
ReplyDeleteOnly if it is quietly comfortable.
ReplyDeleteJohn you’re not old, and you went to the cinema loads of times with gorgeous Dave and never considered it a date, go and enjoy yourself, if he looks ok smells nice and makes you laugh it’s a win, if it’s all that but no chemistry at least you’ll have another friend. Tweetart
ReplyDeleteDon't feel you HAVE to have a passionate love affair. Whatever works.
ReplyDeleteIf you have the time and feel comfortable...just see how you feel.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy trip to cinema if it leads to a good friendship great. If leads to more even better.Everything starts with one small step.
ReplyDeleteBase (lacking one of those French thingies on top of a letter in base) lust is a thing of the past for me, and certainly not for older men. If you like each other and seem companionable, see how things go.
ReplyDelete