I “found” my anonymous “homework” from a palliative care study day I attended a bit ago.
It was read it out to a silent group of nurses and doctors on a wet morning before my birthday 2019
I didn’t read it
I remembered writing this yesterday
“ I have a fantasy about my own death.
I am lying on a clean bed, the bed I remember from Childhood with the yellow candlewick bedspread , the one with the bits pulled out by bored fat fingers
I am comfortable
The window is open and my garden lies ahead, neat and ordered. A breeze is on my face. I am wearing a white shirt that smells of starch
My dogs lie nearby, told off not to crush me .
The cat crushes me, he doesn’t give a sod.
Fingers comb my hair”
Yikes!!!!
ReplyDeleteI’m in an odd mood
DeleteI'm sure that's the sort of death we all wish for. Calm, comfortable and comforted. xx
ReplyDeleteYikes? Sounds like heaven to me. I can smell summer.
ReplyDeleteGosh John, you could analyse the hell out of that for days, but so deep yet hopeful. Jan
ReplyDeleteI know where it comes from
DeleteGood old Albert!
ReplyDeleteDidn’t you once post that all you wanted was your husband to stroker your hair?
DeleteI read the whole thing, found it very powerful and loved the fact that Albert was in there not giving a sod….but he did give a sod and wanted to be there.
DeleteVery much like my husband's peaceful death in home hospice care. Shortly before, both cats left him and came to sit on me. They knew he didn't need them any more, and I did. Music playing, birds singing, son and I there talking quietly long after he could no longer answer. I left the room for a minute. He died when he was alone with our son. On son's birthday.
ReplyDeleteI'm told people do die when their partners are absent.
Have you noticed that, John?
I've noticed it, Lis. I do very much think that people can choose their moment and some people seem to need privacy to leave, while others seem to need the company of others.
DeleteI love what you said about the cats. Despite what people think, cats are extreme empaths, I believe.
Boud , ms moon is right, many people will “ choose” to pass away minutes after their loved ones have left the room
DeleteFor a person to wait to die until the carer is absent, if only for seconds, is a very usual thing. My grandfather did that very thing when I was with him, as did my father. That is a very reassuring, settled and calm ...what do I call such a thing? Memory? Premonition? Wishful thinking. And what heightened senses.
ReplyDeleteMy husband was greatly comforted by being able to have our dogs, lying on their own blankets, with him for visits on his bed in hospital cancer care. Staff turned a caring and deliberate blind eye.
Heck. That's a bit too near home for me now. I don't want to go at all.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Liz that this is somewhere between a memory and a premonition. I have a young friend who had a recurring dream of herself as an old woman, sitting outside in a chair, lovingly surrounded by young children. I wondered if it was a past life dream, but I felt it was more of a premonition.
ReplyDeleteNina
Trust a cat not to care about crushing your chest - hope no breathing issues in your fantasy. Must say you do crack me up! One never knows what one will read here. Leanne NZ
ReplyDeleteHooray for Albert, breaking up the pathos.
ReplyDeleteOh those cats. Well it is in their job to do so. :-)
ReplyDeleteThose pets are with you right to the end!
ReplyDeleteThe aim of palliative care I imagine. Comfort, peace and the closeness of those we care for.. And that wonderful touch of a loving hand.
ReplyDeleteFor palliative care to provide comfort and peace needs a syringe driver loaded with morphine.
DeleteI disagree it’s much more comprehensive , but u know that
DeleteWow. Powerful. Personal. Beautifully written. Sad. Sweet. Wow.
ReplyDeleteI remember writing it , I wasn’t in a good place
DeleteA good life and a good death-thank you for sharing this, John. Catriona
ReplyDeleteAfter years of reading here it's now Goodbye. The waste of a post about rainbow bridge nearly did it but today's post was the decider. I've had enough of something that sounds like ramblings, someone who seems to think childish fairy tales and fantasies are the way to keep readers. Fantasy and fairy tales don't do it for me I'm afraid.
ReplyDeletePerhaps a good idea would be to write the childish stuff in a separate journal and keep the blog as it used to be.
It's been years since I first came here but to be honest it's begun to feel like something I shoud do, rather than looking forward to visiting here.
Anyway from me it's Goodbye with good wishes for the future.
I'll be Anon this time.
Well I’m not good at maths but even I can work out that you’ve said goodbye four times now !!!
DeleteFour!!
What are you? A Virgin standing in the doorway of a church social ????
Finally you are gone, and we are all free of your shitty and banal comments designed to give your personality disordered mind a lift
I don’t give a flying fuck about you comments but I’m glad you’ve eventually fucked off
Ta ta
A virgin standing in the doorway of a church social???😅😅😅
DeleteNot wanting to leave
DeleteI get it
DeleteKeith
Xx
That seems so mournful, and yet with the cat humour ... cats are a law unto themselves aren't they. If someone stroked my hair while I was dying they would be the first person I came back to haunt ... I hate having my hair stroked. ;-)
ReplyDeleteIt would seem your 'Anonymous's are leaving of their own accord ... isn't it nice when the trash takes itself out. :-)
You have so much going on here. You are riding the wave.
ReplyDeleteCats. Gotta love 'em.
ReplyDeleteCats seldom do as asked.
ReplyDeleteWhich is why I love them.
DeleteI assume someone will find me dead in bed one day with my little dog curled up on my feet. I hope my sheets are clean. Gigi
ReplyDeleteNo chance of clean sheets, on death muscles relax and bowels open.
DeleteWell, if my death came like that I wouldn't mind.
ReplyDeleteThe end will come for us all, and as endings go, this doesn't seem like a horrible one, although I really do not want my bed clothes to be starched.
ReplyDeleteThe end will come for us all, and as endings go, this does not seem like a horrible one. If I had my druthers, however, I would prefer that my bedclothes NOT be starched, thank you very much.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds perfect to me. A calm room with a fresh breeze, music, devoted love, and a comforting touch. Oh, and a diaper to keep things tidy.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
Why does your blog, which is so humane—often amusing and overall kind-hearted—attract such nutty and hostile comments?
ReplyDeleteAnd so many of them? They even snipe back and forth at each other.
It baffles me!
Your comment section could be the star subject of some social media study.
😄
And yet you're another Anon! Criticising other's comments. Look to yourself before standing on others.
DeleteWe suggest you do just that yourself madam.
DeleteDo please calm down, everyone. John does not need this to and fro, and neither does anyone else here. I have a great idea. If some people lack the balls to stand up and declare themselves but have to hide behind the label of Anonymous, the rest of us just ignore everything Anonymous, don'tr read or reply, and defuse the situation before it starts. Do not give these sad whingers the oxygen of recognition. Simple.
DeleteHello Flis, you've appeared again madam. None of us are fooled by your new name "Bunty"
DeleteLiz, John has already told readers not to reply to Anonymous comments but it's still happening, obviously some people just can't help themselves.
DeleteKeyboard warriors to John's rescue!.
Kind thoughts only please.John needs a virtual hug.
ReplyDelete