The Side Ward

I thought I was done with anecdotes from my nursing days, but this story sort of dredged itself out of my memory after watching a tv drama about the Withdrawal of treatment from a child patient on intensive care

Over Twenty years ago I was a ward manager.
The ward was a twenty bedded spinal injury ward with over fifty staff to look after 
We incorporated acute spinal injury care, four patients on long term ventilation, and had two high priority beds for sick spinal injury patients.
In short we were busy.

What we seldom had was emergency admissions, for most of the patients had to be assessed carefully in their admitting hospitals before transfer over to us. Sheffield was a regional speciality and took patients from as far as Lincoln, Cambridgeshire, Derby, Suffolk and Norfolk.

I remember one elderly lady being admitted over a bank holiday from Sheffield itself and it stuck in my mind as a student nurse was central to her story.
The patient was elderly. A much loved matriarch of a big Yorkshire family. She had fallen down some steps and had sustained damage to her cervical vertebrae. 
It was a catastrophic injury, with no chance of survival as the resulting paralysis was encroaching on her ability to breathe and long term ventilation was not viable given the lady’s age and premorbidities . 
Usually such patient’s are cared for on intensive care or a suitable ward where they would be made comfortable and where the family could be supported. 

Because we were a spinal Injury ward we were happy to take her. 

The student nurse, who was called Michael, was a third year student with little general experience , but he was keen and wanted to “ take” the patient with support from me, so we worked together as she arrived.
From the get go I could tell he was nervous, especially as the patient arrived with all of the bells and whistles of an acute patient. She was flat on her back, on a scoop stretcher, with neck brace, monitor leads, flashing beeps and high flow oxygen everywhere.

I told the student our job was to “calm things down”, and before the family arrived that’s exactly what we did. We placed the old lady onto a hospital bed, ensured she was pain free and with instructions from the consultant who had interviewed the family at length, to let nature take its course.

Michael went white when he heard the instructions. He had never seen a withdrawl of treatment before, so I remember taking him to one side in the anti room to the side ward to prepare him.
I explained that the patient and her family were aware of what was going to happen. She had already been given an infusion from a syringe driver which was reducing her pain and anxiety and I had already checked with her entire family would be up with as soon as we he’s settled her. 

She was conscious but very weak, and time was of the essence .

Michael said he was ready, and together we removed the patient’s hard plastic neck brace and we washed her face and combed her hair and sat her up a little until she could see around her. 
At every little job the patient gave a tiny mouthed thank you and I could see Michael was near tears at every turn.
I gave him a few more gentle instructions and after a short conversation preparing them , I let the lady’s husband  and sons and daughters into the room.
They moved slowly around the bed, like sleepwalkers and I asked Michael to pass me the noisy oxygen mask from her face so she could see her family and they could see her. The noisy oxygen suddenly hushed the room, which immediately became less clinical and more personal .

“ My Old Girl” the husband said gently and he kissed his wife after asking permission from us two.
we slowly  stepped back into a corner.
and let the family surround her.
And Michael cried quietly to himself, as he watched 

Our Job is to make this as easy as we can” I told him. 
It won’t be long. 
And it wasn’t .
Almost two hours later she had peacefully passed away. Free of the bells and whistles of intensive care.
I taught Michael the tricks of giving the family little jobs to do when they watched and waited, to brush her hair, to wet her lips to talk to her when they thought she wasn’t hearing them,  jobs that gave them a little purpose in a nightmare moment and made sure he took in trays of tea with a teapot full, so someone in the room would have a job to do the pouring.

I taught him to assess the patient condition only if she needed medication to ensure her comfort and after it had all concluded , he accompanied the family to the car park in a final show of respect and solidarity.

We laid the patient out together too. And I asked him how he was feeling when the room was empty and almost ready for the next patient .

He looked tired and much older than his twenty five years

I’m not sure I want to be a nurse today” he said 
But he came to the Dog And Partridge on a triplet Lane with the ward staff for a drink when we had finished 
And where we all got a little drunk.


74 comments:

  1. Bless you John. You've moved me to tears.

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    Replies
    1. Cherie,
      I have always been lucky
      For I have always chosen to work in areas that have generally had a good ratio of staff .
      Spinal injury , intensive care and hospice all tend to have higher nurse to patient ratios and so good nursing care is something that can be delivered to a better satisfaction .
      My training on end of life care has been the same as most nurses.

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  2. Poor boy, what a hard lesson for him. You did well John; it can't have been easy for you either. There's much more to the dignity of dying than most of us imagine.

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  3. My mum passed on in 1991 in agony - no nurse would help her - they said we had to wait for a Dr - I really don't know what was wrong with that hospital - But you John are a real life Angel and I expect Michael from time to time thinks of you fondly x

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    Replies
    1. Lots of mistakes are made, many through inertia and difficulty with a system thAt can’t always bend flis

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  4. Some countries unnecessarily and pointlessly prolong a patient's life when there is no hope. While the patient is alive, there is still money to be made.

    Where you worked and you knew how to do it all right, and Michael learnt.God help that we all get such kind treatment in our final hours.

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  5. Having experienced both the palliative care ward at the end of my mother's life and the ICU when my sister almost died, I am still in awe of the time, care, precision, professionalism, and understanding that the nurses showed in both of those situations. It was the nurses, not the doctors, who gave us hope in one case and comfort in the other. Deep respect, John. -Jenn

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    Replies
    1. Yes I get that the doctors direct operations ( not just surgical in nature)
      The nurses own the patients

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    2. Anonymous8:48 pm

      The nurses own the patients?

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    3. Patients belong to the nurses

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    4. Anonymous2:43 pm

      What a ridiculous statement. Patients are being cared for by the nurses, they're not owned by 'or belong to them. They're being cared for according to their Care Plan as decided by their relevant specialist. My partner was a Consultant specialising in obstretrics for many years (now retired) and I asked for their opinion on your statement. The answer was that you were no doubt an "old school" nurse who was set in their ways and thought of yourself as somehow superior to a fully qualifed Doctor.

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    5. I bet he or she is a real bag of laughs

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    6. Anonymous4:00 pm

      You couldn't really say much else in reply as Anon had a fair point there. Whatever you think you'd like to do you're still working under someone and what they say goes. Admittedly you "do your bit" but the real knowledge and expertise lies with the senior members of staff.

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    7. Interestingly you are only part right. Nurses work under their own code of conduct that doesn’t always sail well alongside medical practice. The doctors may prescribe ( many nurses do) but a nurse can and will omit medication if they think it’s in the patients best interest to do so..
      Doctors don’t TELL nurses what to do anymore, it’s a much more collaborative approach, and nurses hold more power and advocate for their patients much more vociferously than they did in your retired ob doctor’s time.
      And with respect to anon ( he or she) is the partner of a doctor not a doctor or nurse themselves
      But like anon always advocates here
      They always know better

      Which they don’t

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    8. Anonymous2:32 pm

      How petty, clinging on to your own flawed views and telling Anon that they aren't actully a doctor or nurse themselves. Nowhere in Anon's comment did they say what their own profession was.

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  6. I wish you'd been there when my dad passed. Instead, we had a flamboyant doctor who entered the room trailing a carnival of students and spoke loudly and bluntly to us about Dad having very little time left. Although he couldn't communicate with us well, I know hearing this would have terrified Dad.

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    Replies
    1. Nothing I write about is rare
      I see good practice everyday, often I see exemplary work done.
      However I have seen poor care given. Mostly through pressure of work, and lack of adequate thought.
      It’s a flawed system

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  7. You have a lifetime of stories to tell, it is a part of you, that you have the talent to share.

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    1. Anonymous2:26 pm

      What talent? Breaking the confidence of patients? Indulging himself on the sycophantic replies? Please stop encouraging him.

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    2. Yorkshire Liz3:40 pm

      In the first place, the patient is not named, so no confidence is broken. No followers of Going Gently are sycophantic. Honest, yes. Cynical, of course. Grown ups, definately. But perhaps that is your problem? Go and kvetch elsewhere with other who only want to see the worst in the best.

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    3. All blogs have their followers
      Even the most informative/ more cerebral ones less sugary than mine have readers who will for the most part agree with what is written,
      Some will not argue because it’s rude to do so, also many serious blogs whats authors who enjoy adulation , just like I do…we are all human

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    4. I have never broken confidentiality rules regarding my work in the nhs
      Never

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    5. Anonymous5:05 pm

      Anonymous
      From your first complaint , you have already accused John with a falsehood.
      He has not breached any of the stringent rules of confidentially the NHS is governed by.
      Keith

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  8. I remember when my father was dying, in the rush to educate the family on what to expect, one detail was overlooked. A quiet, efficient doctor was overseeing these last days, and on day two, he realized that the only person in the room who did not realize my father was dying was my father himself. After a quiet conversation with my mother, who could not bring herself to do this, the doctor told him, kindly, but very honestly that he was dying. "If there is anything weighing on you, this is a time to let it go, a last chance to tell everyone what you want them to hear."

    He drew us all aside one at a time, pumping out his words with great difficulty. My youngest sister got "You're not my son, but I think we got along okay." My other sister got "You've always been a rattle ass, but I guess you meant well." I got off light I guess. He told me "I was always on your side." (It was news to me.)

    I was not privy to the conversation between him and his son.

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    1. That’s a tough and funny one and so typical of families.
      As My own mother was approaching death
      I kept my mouth shut

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    2. You better believe I was a mouse in the corner. Too much water under the bridge at that point.

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  9. Anonymous1:12 pm

    When my husband was near the end he was kept in a small filthy room with a female roommate. He was told he would be there till his heart stopped. He then asked for m.a.i.d. And by the time he was approved it was too late. They finally moved him to paliative care the night before he passed. I felt so helpless, I couldn’t help him. As far as I ever saw he was only seen by nursing students and they were lovely. GG

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    Replies
    1. In my experience relatives often notice the small things as they are there watching everything unfold often with a sense of lack of any control.
      Sometimes the big things cannot be sorted but small kindnesses can oil and calm everything

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  10. Anonymous1:16 pm

    You and the Student made that lady's passing more comfortable and calm for her and bearable for the family.
    No one would ask more. X
    Alison in Wales x

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  11. Barbara Anne1:25 pm

    Bless you, John, and all other compassionate and thoughtful nurses everywhere. Kindness is everything.

    Hugs!

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  12. This so reminds me of my mom's time in hospice and her nurse. Mel was a godsend each day, even down to walking with me and my mom's body to the funeral home's van. I will never forget her kindness.

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  13. krayolakris1:39 pm

    Bless you for all that you did for that woman and her family, and for training the young nurse. We should all be so fortunate when our time comes.

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  14. If only all end of life care was as thoughtful, respectful and kind. A special skill that sadly, many nurses and doctors aren't taught. Thank you doesn't begin to say what I feel. But thank you anyway, on behalf of all those whose passing you have eased, and their families. xx

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  15. Traveller2:09 pm

    Write the book

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  16. I have been on the family side of this twice and hope that if ever I have to do it again it will be as the patient. But, while the doctors were alway professional it was always the nursing staff that seemed to be able to feel what we were feeling, there to help and lend a hand or a soft sholder. I do not know how you do it and stay sane. But God bless you and every nurse that has ever held the hand of a family member just trying to make it through the experience. With great love and admiration.

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  17. Anonymous2:21 pm

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. Yorkshire Liz3:33 pm

      My goodness, you do have trouble coping with real life don't you? All my family work I. The BUS and my daughter, now a Chief Nurse, was doing this tough care at 19. And much appreciated it is. Because someone has to do it.

      These stories from John are full of a compassion you just don't get. And reduce the dread and mystery of death for us all. Because we will all face this. Even you, you miserable, sad article.

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    2. Anon Suziej?
      I worry about you, I worry about your persistence
      I worry about the level of effort it takes you to reply to a post.and it worries me that you feel the need to waste your time so much
      Go and do something good for someone
      Feeling good is such a lovely feeling
      Feeling good at some else’s expense isn’t a positive trait
      Xx

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  18. I believe we all hope to pass with peace, dignity and pain free. As a nurse with great knowledge and experience you know all about this. A book on this topic would be helpful to all.

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    1. Yes the three things we all deserve

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  19. A very kind and tender story John. Thank goodness there are folk like you to care when it is most needed.

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    Replies
    1. I’m going to use the service one day , I hope it’s a positive experience

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  20. Yes. I agree with the others who said that it is the nurses who are the true carers. I will never forget when my sister-in-law was on every sort of life-support after a surgery that did not go well. She was already on the verge of needing a third kidney transplant and was being kept in a medically induced coma and was receiving dialysis which she had previously sworn she would never, ever do again. The entire family came and for a few days, the doctors refused to tell the truth- that there was really no way this beloved woman was going to live. Finally, a nurse took some of us out in the hall and said, "You don't know- she could very well be in pain." That was all it took. We let her go. I think of that nurse all the time. She did the right thing, which allowed us to do the right thing.

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    Replies
    1. One of the biggest roles of the nurse is highlighted in our own code of conduct
      To be tge patient’s advocate

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  21. I will never forget the compassion and professionalism of the nurses that cared for me.
    I have a question for you John: I sent the nurses A very nice card and a flower arrangement as a way of thanks but didn't feel it was enough. Do you have any suggestions for what would be appreciated as a way of thanking nurses who care for us?

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    1. Linda the best gift I ever saw was a basket of mini moisturisers, lip balms, wet wipes, mini sanitisers, fruit, lottery tickets, useful thoughtful little things xx

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    2. My husband spent two days in the ER waiting for a bed to open at the big city hospital. We saw how busy the staff was. We made up a huge basket of fruits, protein and breakfast bars, individual packets of nuts, dried fruits, etc. Healthy foods that could be eaten on the fly.

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    3. Thank you for the suggestions in case I need them in the future.

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  22. Your quiet kindness and leadership were the best thing that happened to her family and your young nurse. Bless you, you are a good soul.

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    Replies
    1. Most of us are good souls
      I’m a firm believer in that

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  23. Yellow Shoes6:14 pm

    Trippet Lane…reminds me of an evening listening to a poet in an upstairs room in the Three Cranes many years ago. We were part of an audience of about ten. One person got up to leave mid flow and was barracked by the poet so we were too scared to leave and sat through to the end!

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    1. Was it on queens street??

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    2. Yellow Shoes7:11 am

      Looking at the map I think it actually must have been. I’m a southsider! More familiar with the Abbeydale Rd area.

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  24. God bless you. I wish you could train every caregiver. So few have your caring skills but I’m sure that many more would like to and never know how. It is special.

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    Replies
    1. I was a good mentor….I’ll give myself that

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  25. Anonymous6:54 pm

    Two good men <3

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  26. People like yourself and the then student shine so brightly in very dark times. It will have meant so much to the lady you cared for and her family. Sharon x

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    Replies
    1. I worked with a plethora of good nurses on those spinal wards
      and am humbled to have done so

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  27. Anonymous9:33 pm

    Another beautiful story from your life experiences. What a good mentor you have been. Lini from Petaluma

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  28. Bless you, John, for creating tasks for the patient's loved ones! When our mother was in care, my brother kept expensive, fragrant hand lotion on her tray with a note taped on it, "Please use this on our mother's hands and yours!" Mom, her visitors and her caregivers all enjoyed it.

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  29. You were a fine teacher, John. I can't imagine the pain of going through what you and others did. Thank you.

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  30. Anonymous12:15 am

    I am touched that you remember this so clearly. You have treated many patients, so it's comforting to know of the impact they have on you. I recall every moment of my mom's final days in hospice, and I will always be grateful to the hospice workers who strived to make it easier for all of us.
    Nina

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  31. Yes nurses still make a great impact, usually by just being there and caring.

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  32. Anonymous6:29 am

    It was so good to read how you and the team cared for the patient and also the family members. I hope I can be given such kindness and care if I ever am in that position.

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  33. Anonymous6:29 am

    Marisana

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  34. weaver11:32 am

    An intereting story John of nursing at its very best.

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    1. Thank u pat…( beware of Ursula ) x

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  35. Another wonderful story confirming the calibre of nurse you are. Your ability to show such compassion and quiet authority in situations where the patient is in dire need of such attentiveness is heartwarming to read about. Your thoughtful mentoring of the student nurse surely gave him a great insight into the meaning of a great nurse. I take my hat off to both of you and all nurses in these situations; it is not a vocation I could have taken up. Echoing others sentiments when my time comes and should I need it I hope for the same care and attentiveness to be bestowed on me.

    Jo in Auckland

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  36. Anonymous9:28 am

    Late to reading this, brought tears to my eyes as I thought about the gentle passing of my Father-in-law, in a similar way to the lady above. You are a good man John, and I love reading your blog.

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  37. Anonymous1:41 am

    God bless you John .you have a kind and compassionate heart. This world needs more like you.

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