Fatty and Big Guy

 When you walk dogs, your mind wanders.
I never chatter to them like some people do. 
We walk in silence 
Talking is only for brief orders 
Dogs know where they are if things are kept simple.

I thought about Fatty this morning.
Fatty was the hero in one of my Grandmother’s stories and the only story which featured her as a very young woman. At 16 she worked in a warehouse in Liverpool which stored animal feed and somehow had become isolated on one of the upper floors when there was a blackout.
My grandmother loved this story as it had every element of suspense . 
A young girl trapped in a dark factory, 
Rats running along the floor over her feet and an open winch door five stories above the street only inches away. 
But my grandmother added her usual comic flourish and that was her manager Fatty who came to her rescue after being called time and time again and who kept replying by shouting “ I’m coming !  fatty’s coming! “ 
As a child I would be crying with laughter when Fatty came to her rescue 
It was a good story, and one always well told and I was glad I remembered it this morning.



Sometimes , all it takes is a short phrase or a few words to wizz you back to a moment when you were important in a stranger’s life. 
Moments like these can be rare.
But they flash forward into consciousness like miniature shoals of fish do when they swim past you in the sea. 
I was drinking coffee in The Flat White Cafe with a friend the other day when a family of a dad and two older kids walked in to find seats. The dad had a kind face and he looked at me and immediately smiled 

“ Hello Big Guy” he said warmly and suddenly his hands were on my shoulders patting me like a long lost relative 
“Big guy “told me the lost context and I suddenly knew who he was.
He was the husband of a patient I nursed four years ago and “ Big Guy “ was how they always referred to me when we met over drugs, and district nurse visits and talks about symptoms and needs and worries.

We chatted briefly. 
Polite hellos and updates on the kids and him followed  and minutes later they were sat at their own table ordering cakes and tea whilst I ate mine. 

And twenty or so minutes later my friend and I stood to go
As we did , I waved a slightly awkward goodbye to the man and his family , all of whom waved back
The husband nodded his head and mouthed a silent  “Thank you” as I turned to leave

And I tipped my chin in receipt 

I’ve lost another 2 lbs this week, 
It’s a slow work in progress
But I still feel a bit of a big guy
Still a bit of a fatty

71 comments:

  1. Nice that he remembered you. Well done on your weight loss. Not easy is it, only 1lb loss for me this week.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I’m hard to forget sometimes
      It’s a blessing
      Occasionally a curse

      Delete
  2. weaver9:59 am

    Size doesn't matter big guy - it is what is inside the package that is important and by golly you are full of goodies. xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well said, you are a giant.

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    2. Sometimes I would like to be the leading lady and not always Rosie ODonnell
      Lol

      Delete
  3. You will always be Big Guy to the people who count — no matter what you weigh.

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  4. i think Big Guy makes you sound strong and powerful x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Men find it very difficult verbalising their thoughts let alone their feelings of like and affection.
      I liked it too
      He wasn’t calling me fatty

      I was x

      Delete
  5. Anonymous10:42 am

    Well done on your weight loss, but what a beautiful person you are, he remembered and appreciated you. Big Guy would be a term of endearment in Australia. Marie, Melbourne, Australia

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  6. Anonymous10:51 am

    Well done on the weight loss. I cannot get motivated at the moment. You will always be a big cuddly man with a beautiful smile, heart and wit. Hugs, noreen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I’m surrounded by friends who are not well at the moment , couple that with work and, it feels a bit overwhelming

      Delete
  7. John, you write beautifully. You capture moments that we all have, but you put them to words that help me remember times from my life as well. When former students heard of my retirement, they have been thanking me the last couple of weeks with cards and letters and notes on Facebook. And some of them have surprised me as I have taught so many students, I never realized the impact I had on them, which, of course, is a good feeling. Kudos on your continued weight loss. I, too, have been on a diet of sorts and I have five more pounds to go. It is not easy to resist food temptation!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I read of your GOOD MORNING MISS DOVE and GOODBYE MR CHIPS moments recently and they were wonderfully moving and my only surprise that YOU were surprised by them
      You will miss teaching I know

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    2. I will as it was my life, and in a way those students were like family to me.

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    3. Good luck to you…I wish we had met

      Delete
  8. Anonymous11:22 am

    Lovely caring cuddly big guy, the best kind. Nice weight loss. I went out and bought some wraps, low cal ones, and an avocado so will try your kind of recipe for my lunches, yours really looked good! I struggle with ideas for meals. Your grannies story reminded me of when I was two and stayed with my grandparents in a small town. The feed store was just down the street from them and I would go there by myself where the men would make popcorn for me. I don’t remember but they always laughed about me doing that. It would never happen these days! GG

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes , to be honest I’m attracted to smiley big men
      Freud work you magic on that one lol

      Delete
  9. Anonymous11:32 am

    Good Hug giver..Libs x

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    Replies
    1. You too my friend
      I miss them as you do

      Delete
  10. John, you are important in this particular stranger's life every day. You are a moment of kindness and humor that I look forward to reading, a daily dose of the "milk of human kindness" that helps to offset the brutality of the news that inundates the American airwaves. With much thanks, the old lady from Kentucky.

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    Replies
    1. Very kind xx

      A fat old poof from Wales

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  11. Big Guy is a lovely term of endearment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I know that, i see where it comes from 😊

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  12. Big guy - Big heart - I believe that is you John Gray x💖

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5:53 pm

      Giving - out - advice - on - using - the - facilities - isn't - required - Thank - you

      Delete
    2. Anonymous1:35 pm

      Flis your reply to your own comment is very strange!

      Delete
    3. You are mistaken - after deletions - out of context 🧀

      Delete
  13. You are important in so many people's lives!

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  14. You have touched so many lives, John, I'm surprised you're not being recognised like that all the time! Big Guy, not I suspect to do with your weight, but the size of your heart. I'm down to losing 1lb a week, but that's OK. It's taken me over 40 years to put it on, and 4-5 months to get rid of most of it. I'm not going back now! xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. https://welldoing.org/article/downside-of-empathy-compassion#:~:text=Intimate%20understanding%20of%20another%27s%20experience,and%20act%20more%20like%20us.

      Delete
  15. I think praise is lovely but it’s important for me to note that I’m way overweight and need to get some control of it.
    It’s my last “ work in progress” and it’s an important problem for me to address and not to shirk away from x

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    Replies
    1. You'll get there, John. Once you get in the right mind set, and sounds like you are, it's (comparatively) easy. As long as you're losing weight and not putting it on, it doesn't matter how long it takes (but it would be nice to lose 4 or 5lbs a week!) xx

      Delete
    2. Yes I’ve done it before…it’s not rocket science
      My mood is still a tad labile and I’m not always bouncy and arch

      Delete
    3. Anonymous1:32 pm

      Happy hooker it would NOT be healthy to lose 4 or 5 lbs a week. After the first week's loss the recommendation is 1 to 2 lbs a week. Otherwise you lose from muscles and the heart is a muscle.

      Delete
  16. "Fatty's coming!" Haha! I love that story.

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    Replies
    1. I know, when my gran re-enacted fatty’s call up the staircase to her on the top floor ,covered with rats and frightened by darkness we would scream with laughter and with pride in the big man

      Delete
  17. Traveller12:22 pm

    Write that bloody book!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous12:29 pm

    Dear John,
    I would think the comment referred to your big heart, and that you were a beacon when they were in a dark place.
    People remember someone who cares.
    Nelliegrace

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I simply made a couple laugh in a bleak time
      I don’t dumb that down , as I know it’s a gift I have and I’m proud of that fact
      I can also think of a dozen nurses and therapy staff
      That use humour like a scalpel

      Delete
  19. I will be forever grateful to the kind nurses that took care of me 2 years ago. I marvelled at their professionalism, warmth and caring. It meant so much to me as I am sure you mean so much to so many.
    I totally understand your comment on the weight. It is nice of those who say your weight doesn't matter and I understand the context. But an excess of weight is very unhealthy. Believe me, I know as last year I was diagnosed as pre diabetic and that gave me the.scare I needed to lose weight. I have lost 40 lbs but still have much more to lose.

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    Replies
    1. Food and eating remains an important pleasure and one ingrained from childhood ….

      Delete
  20. What a well written and enjoyable post!
    You are doing just fine, John. You get your exercise walking the dogs and keeping your home and garden in order and you try hard to eat the right foods. Keep on doing what you're doing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have recently been somewhat haunted by a memory when I went for my wedding outfit fitting
      One day I will blog about it, but not yet

      Delete
    2. Nelliegrace10:56 am

      Probably not as bad as the dear man who used a fake tan the day before his wedding and looked as if he had been Tango’d. His partner and Mum were scrubbing him in the bath at two in the morning. It did not go with the lavender of the wedding suits.

      Delete
  21. Anonymous1:34 pm

    Was it the flat white cafe in colwyn Bay?
    If so, it’s lovely

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    Replies
    1. It was, and it is ….my favourite The Glass lounge is now shut, you know the one with the miserable barista

      Delete
  22. What a lovely post. You would have made his day, meeting up with the 'big guy' that helped so much at a sad time and his being able to let his now-older kids know how he knew you, would have brought back memories for all of them.

    Find something in your kitchen that weighs exactly 2lbs ... then you will see just how much you have lost. It's not to be sniffed at.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love you sue, always a simple pragmatist

      Delete
  23. Anonymous1:46 pm

    You are a wonderful writer, fiction or nonfiction. Very captivating!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perhaps I learned a few tricks from gran Fry ,
      I miss her so

      Delete
  24. Barbara Anne2:19 pm

    What a delightful post with those stories fresh form the Story Vault in your brain. No about that book ...?!
    Well done on the weight los. I've now lost 4 pounds by the hardest. Be sure to love yourself the way you are!
    As someone once said: 'Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!'

    Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like aspects of myself
      I’m proud of a few more
      But there are shadows and dark places from a childhood which wasn’t always a happy one that scar us until we die

      Delete
    2. Remember too hug your inner child and take him out to play occasionally. He's safe now and all will be well.

      Hugs!

      Delete
  25. What pops into my head as I read this is that we all can be defined with many adjectives. Why is the tendency to focus on one or two adjectives? I know some relatives who define themselves as 'beautiful'. They are. They also sit and discuss other people. Now, out of all the adjectives that could describe them, they pick beautiful. I would pick 'unkind' or 'rude' or even 'stupid'. On the same token there are many adjectives that could describe you. Like 'kind' or 'empathetic' or 'generous' or 'engaging'. Tons of adjectives. But you see 'fatty'. I hope that one adjective does not become more important in your mind as all those other adjectives. (PS. I am the same way.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, and you make a valuable point. Sometimes it’s an Achilles heel that clouds thinking and balance. Sometimes it’s one of the last areas I need to address on a journey of self reflection and acceptance.

      We are all a work in progress , but thank you, you make a valuable point and made it well

      Delete
  26. Well done on the weight loss, and best wishes as you work towards your desired weight.
    Today's post was funny and also very touching. What a wonderful chance meeting, for you and the man & his children.

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    Replies
    1. I remember him saying
      “ oh it’s big guy , good he will make us laugh” tohis wife as they were at their lowest ebbs. Nursing and support in palliative care is not all Ernest counselling and listening, sometimes it’s diversion and respite from anxiety and dark thoughts and moods , and the tales of Winnie and then William and George lightened the mood, as they do here

      Delete
  27. A 2 pound loss is a good start. Your Auntie being locked in a dark factory room with rats roaming around sounds frightful. Yet, she could laugh and tell stories about it. That was a nice chance meeting with a family that remembered you well.

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    Replies
    1. It was my grandmother and she lived through both world wars and survived an unexplored Ariel torpedo smashing through her kitchen floor as she was in the house with my mother and uncle

      Delete
    2. She never recovered from the blitz, and always feared thunder, but she told many tales such as fatty, to spark the imagination and humour and psychi of her adoring grand children

      Delete
  28. Another beautifully written post, John.

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    Replies
    1. I’m lucky , to experience people at their very best sometimes my friend.
      Yes I’m very lucky

      Delete
  29. I’m being more honest about myself and how I view myself. It’s hard admitting my “ irritation” at being heavy and the responsibility I have in making myself so

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  30. It's a bit self-depreciating, but I didn't see coming the twist ending that tied the two things together.

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  31. I come from a family of 'big guys' and there is nothing wrong with that.

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  32. Good to remember and be remembered

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