1. The first guy I had a relationship with, was a cheerful scouse medic called Roger...... he lived in Manchester and I lived in Sheffield, so we basically saw each other at weekends, high days and holidays......
After 9 months a friend of his, who decided that she liked me more than him, rang me up one day to inform me that he had a fiance ( A WOMAN!) ,(who he lived with) ...suffice to say I didn't get an invite to the day do!
2. In 1984 I did a parachute jump for charity even though I cannot abide heights.
Luckily I was connected to a static line, which thankfully opened my chute automatically as I totally forgot any of my pre jump training...........
I wore one of my Brother's old all in one silver rally suits ( I was showing off ) which totally got covered in shit when I crash landed into a ploughed field, subsequently broke my collar bone and got dragged around it for an age when the wind caught in my canvas!
3. I was once voted "best arse" in the Prestatyn High School 6th form awards ( no jokes please!)
4. I never owned a dog until I was 40
5. I was once attacked by an 80 year old hebephrenic schizophrenic when I was kneeling on the floor putting on her slippers..........she blacked both my eyes and knocked me unconscious .
6. As a child I nearly died twice...... I once choked on a mint imperial when I was around 8, and was saved by my quick thinking mother who upended me over a sink in my father's shop to dislodge the offending sweet .
I also very nearly drowned in a hotel swimming pool in Loret del Mar (Spain).....I went under for the third time.....silently ( I didn;t want to make a fuss) and was only saved when a man noticing my hand poking up through the water, lifted me onto the side of the pool.....
I have never liked water since! (and to be honest I have never been too keen on mint imperials either!)
7. I suffer from sleep apnoea.....once, at the Guttman's Paralympic village when I was sharing a dormitory with a score a paraplegics...... the lads got so sick of my snoring so much so, that in the middle of the night they got up in their wheelchairs and pushed my bed through the emergency exit!
8. I am colour blind........(take a look at my fashion sense if you find that a difficult one to believe)
9. Walking down 2nd Avenue in New York on one rainy Monday morning, I once literally bumped into Sigourney Weaver
10. I have never been arrested but I was once cautioned by two York policemen having a pee in the street dressed as a gorilla
11. I can play chess moderately well
12. I have a deformity of my left index finger called dupuytren’s contracture
13. I have traveled on the fastest zip wire in the world, velocity 2 in Snowdonia
14. I have written Going Gently almost every day since 29th December 2005
15. I have watched 5 babies born including twin girls. I have used a defibrillator 3 times and have been involved in one hospital fire and evacuation.
16. My favourite city to visit is New York which I have gone to eight times ( or is it 9?)
17. I have no middle name
18. I can dispatch a chicken if needed and have been trained to gut , pluck and prepare a carcass
19. I learned to Swim when I was 41
20. My first job was at the Nat West Bank. On my reference for psychiatric nursing Mr Williams the sub manager wrote “ As a bank clerk John clearly shows the potential for psychiatric nursing”
Why were the York policemen dressed as gorillas and why were they peeing ing the street? (Variation of Groucho's "I once shot an elephant in my pajamas " joke.)
ReplyDeleteI knew this was comming
DeleteVeddy eeenteresting (picture Artie Johnson peeking out from behind a optted palm on Rowing and Martin's Laugh In.
ReplyDeleteSlow night?
Hugs!
Steady
Deletere No 10. Had you been in France the Gendarmes would simply have walked by.
ReplyDeleteI'm often nervous going behind a bush x 🌲
DeleteCro, a group of male staff dressed up as female nurses had arranged to gate crash tge ward sisters leaving party, I was too shy to dress up as a woman so went as a gorilla
DeleteThe wheelchair lads pushing you through the exit is so funny but the last one is absolutely priceless!
ReplyDeleteI never knew just what Mrs williams was thinking but I was the worst bank clerk the National west ever had
DeleteBest arse? Wow! The only other person I know who won that accolade was Felicity Kendal. You're in good company! xx
ReplyDeleteThe competition was thinner in 6th form
DeleteI wouldn't call that a lazy post!
ReplyDeleteOh I was mostly an old one lol
DeleteI don't have a middle name either.
ReplyDeleteAm a twin , parents not aware mum was carrying twins. They couldn't think of more than 2 names , so we had to share.
My parents didn’t know they were having twins, my fathers comment when he went into hospital was OH GOD YOUVE HAD TWO !!!
DeleteI’m going to read this a few times today so many good images to laugh at, thank you, noreen
ReplyDeleteFrothy Friday
DeleteWell, that wasn't a boring list. Still chuckling (not at no.6, obviously).
ReplyDeleteAt my near death experience? Lol
DeleteDo you have a cpap machine?
ReplyDeleteNo it’s not that bad…..
DeleteNot a lazy post at all..6 is frightening, Well done on 19, I shall look up 12 and we did know 13 - half of us sponsored you!
ReplyDeleteYes I raised several thousand pounds thanks to this blog readers xx
DeleteYou are living a very full life John - You could try stunt man for Russel Crowe next (but perhaps No as we would all be too worried about you ) I had a nasty experience with a glacier mint my mum gave me - we were both traumatised -" Never again " she said x🏔🍬
ReplyDeleteMy life is actually rather dull flis
DeleteLove it, especially that last one and No.7. I wish I could despatch a chicken (necessary if you keep them), I get a friend to do mine. After ten+ years of reading your blog, there are still some things I didn't know!
ReplyDeleteI was taught by a local retired poultry farmer , I never liked the job and in the end only ever euthanised sick birds
DeleteBefore we got our birds I had to make Alan promise that if despatching were ever needed he would be the one to do it. Otherwise it would have been like that scene in the Good Life, me stood with a gun waiting for the chicken to sit still.
DeleteIt was the chicken despatch one that shocked me the most - though your "if needed" helped reduce its impact, but only slightly.
ReplyDeleteRemembered your sleep apnoea and colour-blindness from previous blogs. Still some surprises among the rest, both entertaining and otherwise.
Old Bob was wonderfully respectful to the birds before he showed me how to cull them. It was a job I never liked and is one I couldn’t do now .
DeleteI mentioned his kindness to his birds at his funeral, where I gave an eulogy
Makes me feel better now. Thanks.
DeleteI don't think anyone ever wants to do it, but if you have a sick bird it's sometimes kindest. I've watched my friend do it, and was surprised at how gentle it was. I don't have the technique not the strength in my wrists.
DeleteA gorilla suit - there is story I have not heard.
ReplyDeleteSee above ,I only wore it because I wouldn’t drag up, go figure eh?
DeleteDo York policemen always dress as gorillas and pee in the street?
ReplyDelete“ As a bank clerk John clearly shows the potential for psychiatric nursing” This is the best reference letter I've ever heard quoted.
It amused the school of nursing who were intrigued ,
DeleteI think it was “ explained” that I was a good communicator even as a young man
16/20 from me. You've already told us 4,8,12 & 13, but then I have been reading for a long time!
ReplyDeleteYes I’ve got to my repetition stage xx
DeleteYou learnt to swim aged 41? How old were you when you almost drowned?
ReplyDeleteI was 10 . And this perhaps showed the apathy of my parents as parents
DeleteI would like to meet Mr Williams....love his humour ! Rall
ReplyDeleteOh he was a dire and taciturn man as I recall .but younger than he looked, that was the 1980s for you
DeleteRef 1. Any connection between the name here and the name of your latest terrier?
ReplyDeleteRef 12. My father had this condition too - he found it very irritating the older he got.
Interesting list John. I love NY too but not as much as Marrakesh or Venice.
I will share you my Venice thoughts in a few weeks xx
DeleteWe have a few things similar John, I watched my grandson being born as his father was working and wanted to finish his shift so he could be off the next week as hockey was starting. I have been arrested, taken to jail and left in a cell for an hour before they found out it was a mistake! My first job was in a bank and I know what Williams meant in his reference letter.. we also had a shop in the rougher area and had to call police to remove a customer to hospital, as he was clearly in need of psychiatric help, we got all kinds of people there. My favourite city, I guess Toronto as it is always nice to come home to. My middle name is Eleanor but it was my first name and I was called Gail so I had it legally changed when I married my second husband. Now I am G.E. Much less confusing on passport, air tickets etc. I guess it was you in the gorilla suit. Oh yes I volunteered in a rehab hospital for paras and quads but they were not far enough along to get up to much, but later on when they could play wheelchair basketball, they were viscous! My late hubby snored like a trooper and the cpap machine was noisy too, but I would give anything to hear those snorts again . GG
ReplyDeleteA nice and interesting list
DeleteAnd excepts from a much fuller life than mine
And I believe your life is more interesting
DeleteNo middle name? Aw! How sad. I have three suggestions:-
ReplyDeletea) Charcoal ( as in charcoal gray)
b) Caradog (Welsh name meaning amiable)
c) Muhammad (Most popular boy's name in 2022 according to "The Metro").
My ex's middle name is Caradog. Amiable?
DeleteI rather like caRADOG YP
DeleteHave a lovely weekend John. I enjoyed your list.
ReplyDeleteYou too Linda x
DeleteIt is never to late to learn how to swim, although I profess that there are a few things every child should learn, riding a bike, swimming, and skating...though lately I have had to add driving. Too many young people think they don't need to learn to drive.
ReplyDeleteMy parents were apathetic in their risk assessments and parenting
DeleteWhat were they thinking???
You still have a lovely arse darling x
ReplyDeleteThank you kind sir
DeleteYou have certainly lived a life and had adventures! I am glad I read through to the end because that last line was a good one.
ReplyDeleteThey always are xx
DeleteThis post was great fun to read, John! I love hearing about all of your adventures and crazy experiences!
ReplyDeleteI’m one crazy bitch x
DeleteNever a dull moment in the life of JG. You've made a good and interesting list. Life is full of surprises. What will the future bring?
ReplyDeleteThe reference in the last item made me laugh - a template for many others. I have different colour perception too. Have you often been aware of the wind in your canvas?
ReplyDeleteI feel SO guilty at laughing at number 6 ... ( I didn't want to make a fuss) ... oh John, that is so you!! Thank goodness for number 19. xx
ReplyDeleteI am 82 and never learned to swim. I grew up in a rural farming community, where available water deep enough to swim in were farm ponds, where cows waded. The color of the water was that of heavily creamed coffee, and I was terrified of what lurked under the surface. To be sure I insisted on my two children learning to swim well when we lived in Michigan. Our county has 55 lakes, both private and public access, so it was imperative they be able to swim.
ReplyDeleteMy husband nearly drowned as a child and hates the water too! I on the other hand learned to swim in a river at a really early age and love it! I also spent a short time as a counter clerk at a building society when young. I was ok at it, just bored stiff! Your sub manager sounds pretty great to write such a tongue in cheek reference for you. Sadly I've never been voted the best arse! On the other hand I have middle names to spare if you'd like one.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAAA
ReplyDeleteOMG the one about the patients getting on their wheelchairs and wheeling out your bed? Died.
Also, I'm going to need pictures to see if #3 stands. You've got my email, so...
XOXO
#s 5 & 20 are my favorites, but all others are good as well. Have a great weekend, John.
ReplyDeleteA very talented guy!
ReplyDeleteThat last one made me laugh out loud!
ReplyDeleteReading #6, I am relieved to read #19. Learning to swim is a necessary life skill for everyone. Hug Albert today and tell him you love him. I lost my cat, Lola, today due to lymphoma. She fought for 6 years but it got her in the end. Cancer sucks!
ReplyDeleteI went on a hot air balloon ride in the 1980s, and it was thrilling and lovely. I couldn't face a parachute jump, nor the world's fastest zip line. And I once was in the crosswalk walking toward Prince. We were the only pedestrians, and he said hello to me. I guess that's my nano-second of fame!
ReplyDeleteBonnie in Minneapolis
That’s on my list
DeleteI already knew quite a few of them actually, because you've put them on the blog before. Good to know my old memory is still functioning.
ReplyDeleteOthers said same and were deleted. He didn't like to be told.
DeleteI choked on a mint as well, fortunately I was able to dislodge it myself, my mum just panicked. It was a horrifying feeling. Miss Katie was a great one for choking so I got lots of practice with the Heimlich manuveur.
ReplyDeleteIt's a good list.