In December I ended a friendship .
I ended it ostensibly due to one spoken word
One word which underlined , to me , that there was no respect in the relationship.
All this, I know is purposely vague
Relationships often end messily
An amalgam of things generally
But with a straw that broke the camels’ back
You are so right. I was about to go into a few paragraphs on how a recent friendship ended but decided the simple “you are so right” said it all.
ReplyDeleteTrying to emulate “Nothing is quiet except the chicken”
Keep trying babe xx
DeleteMy husband and I broke a 30+ year friendship. Too many straws. It has been much less stressful since then. Funny thing is, after explaining all if the things he said to hurt us, he wanted to continue the friendship but never said a word of apology.
ReplyDeleteSad , sad all round
DeleteI’ve never spoken to my husband since our mediation
DeleteI had a friend for around 20 years - She became quite demanding of my attention which I was fine with - I liked her - I noticed though that over time there were "problems " with other friends - who I met and I liked - but let her down she claimed and that she was the victim - I felt a bit sorry for her - But one day I had a migraine which I knew would leave me too weak the following day to take her to the farmers market - I gave her 24 hours notice -She was furious - That was one too many selfish reactions for me x
ReplyDeleteYes, sometimes you just have to see the issues
DeleteLife's too short to waste it on one-sided relationships. xx
ReplyDeleteAnd ones that don’t work
DeleteHow wise of you to see the signs of a "me, Me, ME!" person (thinking of Jane in that episode of Coupling).
ReplyDeleteBe good to you, John!
Hugs!
Not the truth in my case but I hear u
DeleteDid the word begin with 'C'?
ReplyDeleteNo….strange I’ve been called that a few times and it would be warranted
DeleteWas Ursula involved I’m wondering ?
DeleteNo
DeleteWhat a strange thing to ask .. I would never labelled your relationship with Ursula as a friendship.
DeleteAs a person who sometimes mis-speaks and uses a wrong word or phrase, I felt a bit bad for the cut off person...but I guess if it was a culmination of hurts, well, you have lots of good friends to focus on instead.
ReplyDeletePossibly it is best that you do not have to speak to your ex; mine is often around bec we have kids and presenting an accepting polite attitude is necessary, but hard.
Everyone has their limits
DeleteNever, ever 'lend money' to a friend. It may well end in tears, and will probably cost you that friendship. Come to think of it that goes for family as well. Give it freely, no strings, a bonus if they insist on repaying the deed. But lending money will cost you a whole lot more than hard cash and will leave you sad and just a tad bitter and will re-iterate a preference of animals to people anyday. There l said what l feel and do feel better for saying it! Tess x
ReplyDeleteGood advice
DeleteNo matter how desperate I was I would never lend money from a friend
A former friend of twenty plus years said my youngest daughter was gay because we let her play football. I haven't spoken to her since, evil cow! x
ReplyDeleteBeing accused of being gay isn’t an insult , but I get your friend was being snipey
DeleteI wonder if it's more common the longer a friendship has gone on...and if age is a factor. In my case, a guy I'd known for over 45 years, and considered my 'best friend' and I have simply stopped corresponding. He's abroad for 3 years, and our political differences have come to the fore. We didn't have a blow-up, the friendship simply faded away. Impermanence seems applicable to friendships often.
ReplyDeleteSome friendships do that ….some pale against other stressors and ill health, there are so many factors involved ….
DeleteI’ve always considered you as dear friend and we have never met
We are dear friends, John.
DeleteSince my husbands diagnosis we have seen some friends drift away from us, but the ones that remain, who are sticking with us through these days of palliative care, are being magnificent and we are so grateful for their love and support .
ReplyDeleteSiobhan
The prospect of death calls friends , and I so get it
DeleteDon’t get angry at those that can’t cope x
I ended two 20 year long friendships, one in 2020, one last year. Yes, too many straws.
ReplyDeleteIt’s a common thread x
DeleteDoes it matter
ReplyDeleteIt's hard. I lost a "sister" after 25 years, she just ghosted me, have no idea of what I said or did.
ReplyDeleteThen last Christmas, she sent us a card, she misses me and wanted to know I'd like to get together for coffee. Had a long hard think and a chat with the husband.
The bridge has been broken and I don't want to rebuild and possibly commit the same offence again.
That’s sad, but understandable
DeleteI hear you John. I ended a friendship of many years when I realized how one-sided it had become after a certain incident.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it is time to just let...it...go.
ReplyDeleteWe all have our limits. When a line has been crossed, we know it and it is time to say goodbye.
ReplyDeleteThe hard part is always the letting go. All these months later, it sounds as if your instincts were to be trusted.
ReplyDeleteVery thought provoking.
ReplyDeleteRelationships is a reason I prefer dogs
ReplyDeleteEasier for sure
DeleteThat is so true, John. I had a think about it and realised that the only friendship I'd severed was also over one remark that was "the final straw" for me. I realised I was investing energy into someone who was not only not appreciative, but actively arrogant/insulting/taking me for granted. It's taken well over a year for me to really 'let it go' but finally I never think of of the person. Perhaps they're happy, perhaps not ... it's nothing to do with me any more. How hard hearted that sounds. Reality though.
ReplyDeleteNo , it’s a lesson we all learn. Me too
DeleteI think there is great value in a post like this. Sometimes we think that these things don't happen to others but in reality it may not be that uncommon.Family and friends
ReplyDeletedo fall out and in some cases permanently. The test is if you feel a lot better without them and don't miss them then you know you have made the right decision.I have made over a ten year period a couple of wonderful friends whom I have never met. They have shown me more kindness than anyone I have met in real life.Sad but in my case....true !
Yes, like death, break ups are not often talked about, perhaps it’s the sense of failure
DeleteYes time to let go. I find painful the slow change in the relationship where you can feel it is deteriorating but are not quite sure when to cut the ties.
ReplyDeleteI guess do what you feel is right when it is right and do it kindly
DeleteI was forced to end a 'friendship' a few years ago. The couple involved had been behaving very badly for several years, and I was obliged to tell the wife that I wanted no more to do with them. The couple then went around telling everyone that we were nasty people. It was all very bizarre.
ReplyDeleteYeap transference at its best
DeleteI am amazed how some people think it's ok to be very unpleasant and then rather than apologising or being ashamed of their behaviour -they choose to twist and turn and blatantly lie x
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ReplyDeleteWhat interesting response ses, a common thread showing the side and warm people you attract to such a warm and side blog. However kind and celebrating we try to be, we all get to these 'life is to short to squander more of it on these people.' And it is braver to call a halt than continue. Well done, everyone.
ReplyDeleteI think it’s important to realise things past the hurt, finishing a friendship is not easy and often it is done in anger which probably helps getting the deed done. But as someone who was on the receiving end of a marriage break up which was unkind, I think it’s important to try to finish the friendship kindly
DeleteNo always possible I guess
I’ve got a long-term friendship that hasn’t been much of a friendship for a very long time. I’ve been trying to bow out with a whimper instead of a bang. It’s not going easily.
ReplyDeleteSometimes letting things die a natural death is the answer
DeleteThanks for sharing that lovely song John. Of course I have heard it often before but I had not seen this version. Judy Collins seemed angelic as if a muse had inhabited her. Her lips hardly moved. The one spoken word I would say to her is, "Thanks".
ReplyDeleteShe has such a clean voice , I can’t explain it any better
DeleteThat straw will do it every time and sometimes there's a realization it should have occurred with any number of earlier straws.
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree
DeleteTo everything there is a season. And, we simple mortals can often only participate by just standing there while the season progress around us. Sometimes the seasons bring great joy and sometimes great sorrow. Sometime there is a new beginning with a new universe that comes with friendship and sometimes there is a parting when our universe changes. All we can do is participate. In no way are we victims, just participants in this great thing called life.
ReplyDeleteEloquently put x
DeleteWe grieve the loss of connection, even when we know it was the right thing to do. I can think of a couple of high school friends that I have dropped in the past few years, and it still makes me sad that after years, they still said things that hurt me to the point that I said, in one case out loud, NEVER AGAIN.
ReplyDeleteLooking at the comments reminds me that this too is all normal
DeleteI have to admit, I hate loosing relationships. These days, I don't put in much effort in making new ones.
ReplyDeleteI do so too …this wasn’t taken lightly
DeleteSometimes friendships just run their course. When they end this way -- ostensibly over a single word -- of course there are a lot of deeper, unspoken feelings involved and it was probably time.
ReplyDeleteIndeed steve
DeleteYou seem to have many, many friends, John. You may not miss this one.
ReplyDeleteI probably will
DeleteSorry when on as anon. Katie from Ca x
ReplyDeleteI agree. Well said.One of my best friends ghosted me, years ago now---but I still miss her so much and do not know what went wrong. How I would love to have her companionship again, but no.
ReplyDeleteI get and understand your comments.
ReplyDeleteI have not ghosted anyone, and I’ve carefully weighed up what I’ve done .
I’ve also explained my actions to the person involved
Will I regret my actions?
Possibly
Who knows
You said that your former friend stung you with the wrong words.Your reaction was to end years of friendship. You said that you weighed things up and explained your decision. From the outside your decision made in anger and hurt looks more like a selfish act designed to punish them. It will not lesser your own pain of rejection. Please do not punish other people for the hurt your former husband chose to inflict on you. You might know yourself very well .. as you often claim .. but we all have blind spots and what you did was neither justified or compassionate no matter how much you try to color it or explain it or weigh it up. Please be careful John, you would not want people to see you as pompous and unhappy, and neither would I. That is all I have to say and I am only trying to help a fellow travelor in life.Katie x Ca
ReplyDeleteI'm not discussing this further than I already have.
ReplyDeleteI don't need to
I have good insight into my actions and behavior and your presumptions that my actions were not justified or compassionate are. Quite frankly. ludicrous and ILL founded .
Thank you for your concern
I'm sad the friendship ended
Hi John. I had to end a 45 year friendship last year. For a long time (years) we had drifted apart, life had taken us in different directions and we had little in common. The relationship had become draining, tiring, one sided and exhausting. But it was difficult to walk away out of some loyalty for knowing each other for such a long time. I am glad I made the decision and haven't looked back and feel a lot better without being constantly leaned on. When it reaches the time, you know. Louise
ReplyDeleteI don’t believe Katie is Katie ….I think she’s Ursula
ReplyDeleteMy beautiful and wise big sister Wendy, sadly no longer with us 😢always said that sometimes friendships are just for a season how right she was as l found out to my cost so many times x
ReplyDeleteMe too
ReplyDeleteThank You for the song, John.
ReplyDeleteNone of us knows what happened except John. He is a sensitive,well thought out person. I doubt that he did this in haste and took it seriously.
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ReplyDeleteYou talk out of your arse (Sorry John) x
ReplyDeleteJust beautiful
ReplyDelete