I’ve just been sent this song from a friend
They have had , I suspect, a couple of scoops
And are tired and emotional.
We’ve all been there on a lonely Saturday night/ Sunday morning, have we not?
My mother would often ring people late at night “ for a chat”
Those were the days before mobiles when a phone call late at night would always mean bad news.
Often , that assumption would be correct , as my mother could spout drunken rubbish for hours.
Nowadays, our mobiles know who is calling.
And we don’t answer.
I am resolved to not comment any longer on your blog. Never mind. What are resolves for if not to be broken.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, John, not least in the face of you taking up counselling, you need to rein in disliking your mother so much. Ok, people, not least a parent, may disappoint us. But please do not dine out on it. And don't soil their name ("drunken rubbish") posthumously, in public.
Wonder what your sisters think.
U
So why comment if you have the resolve not to?
DeleteSeriously Ursula, This is my journal
These are my thoughts and you don’t know me enough to comment with any level of certainty about my motivations and thoughts or indeed anything else
My relationship with my mother was complex.
As yours with your “ Angel” probably is
I will not discuss this subject further with you
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DeleteWell. Late to the Party.
DeleteI am a long time reader. Very short time commentator, and it astounds me that anyone puts up with Ursula’s Teutonic rudeness.
The subject, of this blog entry seemed to me to be more about how we don’t support people who may be irritating but who require help, like John’s mother, who obviously had her problems.
Ursula obviously wants to find the badness in peoples motivations and so she does so. Plain and simple.
I suspect her angelic son would have something to say if he saw his wonderful mother acting so childishly on line.
Cath
In 'days gone by' we NEVER made a phone call after 8.00 at night - it was considered very poor manners. Now, unfortunately, people txt and email at all hours of the night. I have a time after which I don't acknowledge anything. My darling aunt used to have to diet strenuously to keep her weight under control, and unfortunately she'd wait until 'the sun was over the yardarm' and then pour herself a very stiff G&T or brandy ... and as she'd not eaten anything since midday, she'd ring me, quite sloshed.,, and argumentative! Before the days of Caller Display, I knew not to answer the phone from 5.15 - 6.30. Once she'd had dinner, all was well again. Long time ago memories. I loved her so dearly, but...
ReplyDeleteIt’s funny ,
DeleteI have an unwritten rule too that calls after 9 pm could be viewed as rude .
Me too! And never before 9am on weekends either!
DeleteJust so you know, John. I adore you. Despite my mother being exceptionally talented, interesting, at times enlightened, and in later life generous, what she left me mostly is damage I’ll live with for the rest of my life. No one can tell us how to feel or what to say about our own experiences. Run has been my motto for much of my life. Not the song, the action.
ReplyDeleteNicely put Mitchell xx
DeleteI hate early morning/late night phone calls. They're never good. I have a mobile phone for MY convenience. I only switch it on when I need to make a call, or when I know who might need to call. I have a land line, with an answerphone. I'm just an old fashioned girl... (bet you're now singing, a la Eartha Kitt.) xx
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UeRSqekHh1g
DeleteAt first we love our parents, as we grow , we judge them, and sometimes we forgive them. Oscar Wilde. I'm sure you know the quote. Each generation has problems with the one before.I'm no different either. We must all learn to move on.
ReplyDeleteExactly.
DeleteI forgave my mother a long time ago , but still recognise the scars her behaviour has left on a family and myself.
She drifted into my consciousness again by virtue of lucozade . ( see previous post)
my mum is nearly 97yrs old but bed bound. Still at home tho. I will remember her for dripping sandwiches and her eating raw pudding rice, out of a big Nuttalls Mintoes tin,. where it was stored. We all used to take a bit with a few sultanas. Snack..
DeleteThere should be a safety feature on mobile phones to stop people using them when drunk.
ReplyDeleteI find your honesty about your mum very reassuring. Good to know that you can have a difficult relationship with a parent, but still grow up to be a kind and decent human being.
Athene.
DeleteI loved my mother, warts and all, but she was a difficult who needed help. I couldn’t effectively give her any and I wish she’d got it elsewhere.
The point of the post today , that drunks sabotage themselves
They desperately need contact and. Warmth and understanding and listening to , but the alcohol sabotages that need
Ironically, mobile phones or smartphones can often impede good communication.
ReplyDeleteYes YP another point I wanted to make
DeleteSometimes we all need someone to listen, hardest to find when life is darkest. I have some really difficult family members, dead and alive, maybe they lacked someone to listen when life was dark.
ReplyDeleteAt last david! you got the gist of my post, opaque as it was. Yes my mother, as irritating as she was needed and often deserved that contact when she was drunk and the sky and life was dark
DeleteWe tend not to answer our land line, but I always answer my mobile.
ReplyDeleteYes, I think that’s the modern way of things
DeleteWe don't make calls after 9pm..like you, brought up with that, after my parents got a landline..although before I left home at 18 that meant a neighbour's phone or the phone box a quarter mile away!
ReplyDeleteWe always answer calls though...you never know what time it is for the caller!!
Sometimes I wish that mother did have alcohol as an excuse...she was a bully until vascular dementia deflated her aggression
Living with even passive aggression leaves a person tired and exhausted GZ. ON edge all of the time
DeleteHaving lived through that, it is hard to accept..or believe ..that people are being nice....and hard to accept compliments
DeleteYou know, gz, sounds very stupid but I never put the two things together like that before.
DeleteYes, call display is one of the best developments of the 21st century.
ReplyDeleteFlush toilets too
DeleteLife is not always a bed of roses. Late night phone calls are usually emergencies or someone in need. Caller id at least provides a heads-up. That said, everybody needs a support system/community of friends.
ReplyDeleteYes susan
DeleteWhen I worked for Samaritans a large majority of calls were alcohol affected .
In very inebriated cases I would often instructed the caller to write on a piece of paper “ I rang the Samaritans last night at ……I was told to ring again when more sober”
I hope they did
I usually shut my phone off at 9 p.m. ... I don't get many calls anyway, so no big deal and if anyone needs to contact me, there is email, voice mail or, hopefully, tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteI seldom answer my phone unless I know who’s calling.
DeleteYes, it was always considered that calls during the later part of the evening would be bad news, as why else would we ring someone unless it was very urgent and was news that had to be passed on. To this day I would not dream of calling anyone after around 8pm, I just don't, and if someone calls me and I decide to answer my first words are usually 'Is everything alright?'
ReplyDeleteAs to your relationship with your mother, it is yours to talk about how you wish, and not a certain persons right to tell you if it's right or wrong to do so. I don't say much about mine as she is still with us, but things were complicated back in the day and that clouds everything that we have now.
Oh susan I know that . I thought we’d passed that Ursula knows best stage, but obviously not .
DeleteParental relationships are always complicated. I’m 60 and have just got a handle on it
I had a dreadful mother in law who I suffered for 40 years -I put up with so much crap from her because I was told by my mum growing up to "respect" my elders-The out law was a jealous immature attention seeking lying troublemaking bitch-The only time she was sort of ok was at a doo when she drank too much whiskey and lost her teeth x
ReplyDeleteJust interesting that someone who does so much complaining about her own parents can be critical of someone else. Just a thing I noticed.
ReplyDeleteMy in laws hurt me only by ignoring me when my husband filed for divorce
DeleteI think that everyone has the perfect right to decide how they will handle people who have hurt them. I was referring to the one who preaches forgiveness but also is quite sarcastic about her own parental unit.
DeleteI know
DeleteMostly I get text. Only a few people call me.
ReplyDeleteI get lots of messages , a few texts , an odd email …very few late night calls
Delete"a couple of scoops"? vernacular for drinks/ drunk? Sometimes the thread or point of posts are lost as I navigate your different expressions. //Recently I told my ex not to text or call me after 9 PM. He hasn't spoken to me since. Passive aggression from he of the 2 AM rant?
ReplyDeleteYou are back in charge . Assertion is a wonderful protector , way to go lizzy
DeleteSilence makes me anxious, he is a plotter and pay back artist, but thanks!
DeleteSo let him plot! U are in charge
DeleteI'm pretty sure I've been a bad mum in the past ( although not due to alcohol but just my own foolishness )
ReplyDeleteForgiveness is a wonderful thing isn't it and i think my grown up boys have forgiven me but I'm know the scars will always be there - thanks for all your thoughtful posts John
Alison in Wales x
This quietly honest comment moved me greatly .
DeleteForgiveness can only be granted by maturity I always think…
Scars arnt wounds, they smart sometime that’s all xx
No phone calls after 9p was the rule when I was growing up. Unless in case of emergency, of course.
ReplyDeleteWhat bothers me these days is the phone calls from stangers somewhere in the word who pretend to be local and talk about my car warrenty (for a 1995 car? I thinnk not!
Wish I could see what I'm writing but my computer is old. Sigh. Sorry for the typos!
Hugs!
Spam callers get a smart “ fuck off “ from me
DeleteI’m not shy in telling people I don’t respect that
If my phone rings in the early morning, I always say "this can't be good" before I pick it up! But most times it is nothing so I wonder why I always say that!
ReplyDeleteTake care, John!
Will do Ellen x
DeleteWell, that didn't end like I thought it would. Great post, John. A bit of a written surprise is a good thing every now and then.
ReplyDelete