I often show my affection through food
I’ve told you this before
I know I’m a “ feeder” although I don’t like that epithet per se
It always sounds a bit seedy to me.
I’m off today , back on Friday/Sat so I got up early and made a lamb curry and saag aloo from scratch.
Half I put in the freezer and the other half I boxed up in plastic containers.
I filled another smaller container with raspberries and took all three to a terribly dirty Bluebell and drove down to the North Wales coast road to Flint.
The coast road used to be the main thoroughfare into and from North Wales and it is now defunct and terribly depressing. Former businesses that once hung on because of the traffic are all sold, boarded up and derelict.
The objective of my trip was just to leave the food on the doorstep of a friend . She has just lost her 30 year old son to covid and I think food can sometimes say more than words can ever can .
Words can sound so puny when grief is overwhelming.
In the end my friend opened the door as soon as I crept up the path, she had noticed and recognised Bluebell’s distinctive colour as it flashed by her kitchen window.
I found a jet wash on the way home and spent a lovely and very therapeutic half hour , cleaning and shampooing and buffing and polishing Bluebell until she shone with the power of Daniel Craig’s eyes
My friend’s grief , desperately hidden behind smiles and laughs was a heavy thing to witness and mindless cleaning can wipe the psychi clean too.
I stopped at a pet store before I got to Trelawnyd and bought Dorothy a new harness.
I ordered a light gravel to cover the patio and picked up some film magazines as a treat
The cottage still smelt of curry when I got home
You are a good friendReplyDelete
Thank you for being there, and a CLEAN car,ReplyDelete
John, obviously I know what you mean, and good on you. However, your hunch is correct. The term "feeder" is rather "seedy". I quote without wishing to do a YP:ReplyDelete
"Feeder relationships fall under the fat fetishism category but are unique in one specific regard. For feeders, it’s not just a meaty or plus-size body that they find sexually appealing — it’s the journey to obesity that really gets them going." I had no idea. All I knew about were bottom feeders (fish which feed off the bottom of a lake/ocean/whatever).
As to your friend losing her son, regardless to what: Doesn't bear thinking about.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Delete
John you are a Ray of Sunshine to so many xReplyDelete
A fat ray of sunshineDelete
here we go aaaggaain xDelete
Look on the bright side, Flis: It could have read "What a LITTLE ray of sunshine you are", in tone set to Bette Davis at her s(n)arkiest.Delete
Wasn't she wonderful xDelete
I’ve lost 2 stonesDelete
That's a lot of weight-possibly 2 dress sizes x or trews xDelete
You aren’t in any way a “feeder” in the negative sense of the designation. You are kindness (with an often hilariously sharp tongue). My heart breaks for your friend. You’re the kind of friend many of us are so grateful for — if we’re lucky enough.ReplyDelete
How terribly sad for your friend to lose a son to this pandemic. One more tragedy in a sea of tragedy.ReplyDelete
I was brought up to understand that when an Italian we knew passed on it would be usual for them not cook for themselves for several days after-a procession of visitors would then deliver various food to their home xReplyDelete
It would indeed be nigh on impossible for a dead person to cook for themself! Not only for several days after but for eternity!Delete
Personally I'm not too sure-My dad smoked and drank alcohol-He saw a dead man smoking at Monastery-he was not a fanciful man xDelete
that was very kind of you. i constantly cook for people. as maya angelou said:ReplyDelete
“At the end of the day people won't remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.” a gift of food makes them feel loved.
I like that quoteDelete
I like to feed people too. That poor woman, to lose a child is heartbreaking to say the least. I hope work goes well.ReplyDelete
Sending hugs to you.
There are all forms of ministry, caring for others, and good, nourishing food is certainly one of the most helpful. You're a very good man, John.ReplyDelete
My sympathy to your friend in her grief.
Bluebell must be feeling well loved!
Hope you enjoy the rest of your day off and those magazines will surely help.
I spring cleaned bluebells insides , which were long overdueDelete
Your poor friend. That is not the natural order of things. I'm sure she was grateful for the food, and it shows that you care.ReplyDelete
All sympathy to your friend. I can't begin to imagine what it is like to lose a child. Thank goodness she has a friend like you. Actions speak louder than words, and at a time like that, there are no words to give comfort. xxReplyDelete
How devastating for your friend to lose a child. I'm sure your face at her door and your kind offering of a meal made her feel a little less alone.ReplyDelete
I hope so….I felt useful preparing itDelete
You are a good man and a good friend. And, there is nothing wrong with expressing love through food.ReplyDelete
I had Bombay potatoes for supperDelete
I think a 'nourisher' sounds better. Your poor friend, I also lost a son but not to Covid, life is hard sometimes.ReplyDelete
I’m so sorry , for you both xDelete
That was nice of you, John.ReplyDelete
You really are the dearest, kindest man John and I love you for it.ReplyDelete
I didn’t tell you I swore like a sailor at an old lady driving badly near Rhyl earlier pat….Delete
Lol I’m no saint x
Sorry for your friend and I am sure your visit was good for her. When you lose a child especially now with covid, must be so hard.ReplyDelete
Lamb Curry and Saag Aloo sounds lovely.
Bluebell is quite blue.ReplyDelete
Good for you tending to a friend.
That was a fitting post for me; I have just lost a dear friend who passed away last week, she was a Spiritualist and always had calm and friendly advice - in my darkest days she offered enormous help and 'spiritual food' when I suffered a terrible tragedy in losing my sister. She also cooked brilliantly and fed me with tender care.ReplyDelete
Sometimes there are no words. Caring love is action.ReplyDelete
Sharing food is always comforting. How sad to lose a son at age 30. My heart goes out to this mother.ReplyDelete
Your poor friend; my son is in his thirties and I couldn't imagine losing him. My heart goes out to her with my Condolences.ReplyDelete
I too like to feed people it's about the only thing I am relatively good at. I like what Sansthing said about being a nourisher. I'm sure your friend was grateful for the food and a friendly face.
Jo in Auckland
When my oldest caught Covid, I was petrified. Thank goodness he overcame it. I feel for your friend.ReplyDelete
Your poor friend! To lose a child must be the worst thing. Taking food is of such practical help and shows care in a lovely way. Very welcome when times are so awful that words are hard to find.ReplyDelete
Nope, you're not a 'feeder' you are someone who knows what is needed, when it is needed, be that food, companionship, a hug or just a few kind words.ReplyDelete
I have had the bereaved tell me that a visit takes them away from their grief in some small way, is a sort of relief, so "please stay a while" instead of dropping something off and running, as we do, thinking they are best left alone. I found this to be true after my mom died; we welcomed our friends, rather than wishing they'd disappear as soon as they'd kindly dropped off food or flowers. -KateReplyDelete