Sleep

It’s 12.27 am.
I’m sat in a chair next to a patient 
I’m waiting for them to fall asleep.
They asked if I could sit there in the dark until they did so
No conversations, no lights save for the muted glow of my iPad. 
Just silence apart for the gentle whoosh of the radiators and the faraway rumble of a late night car.
My fingers are moving silently on the screen.

I’m waiting until their breathing changes.
The relaxed breath of sleep.
Then I will creep out of the room, like a maid in a hotel.

I miss listening to someone sleeping next to me.
The dogs with their farts and snores and brief galloping dreams keep you company for sure
But there is nothing like the deep rhythmical breath followed by a long sigh that says 
I’m ok…..
I’m relaxed…..
I’m slumbering….

It’s like listening to an old clock without a chime.

I look at the digital clock across the room 
It’s almost 1 am
and I’m the only one awake now.

I will wait another five minutes to be sure 
And then I’ll get up and go.





40 comments:

  1. Anonymous1:56 am

    This is so poignant and dear. I've been lurking for a few years (yes, years!) but tonight, on reading this, I just want to hug you for being you.
    Kathy from Virginia

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  2. Reading this, I am right there with you , in the dark room,breathing,feeling. Thank you.

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  4. I often think of how deeply intimate it is to lie next to someone as they fall asleep, as we fall asleep. We are so vulnerable, so tender as we slip into that other place.

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  5. Beautifully written, John.

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  6. John love, this post has touched me to the core. It just feels so gentle and sweet. I'm unable to sleep tonight so have crept downstairs leaving Tony fast asleep.

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  7. I sleep with a snorer; I also sleep with an earpiece in my left ear which is permanently tuned to Radio 4 Extra. No wonder I'm always tired.

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  8. You have a way with words...this was moving and just what I needed to read tonight. XOXO

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  9. So well described. I really enjoy your writing.

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  10. Holistic care 💯

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  11. There should be more hospice nurses like you.

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  12. I'm not surprised your patient wanted you there. You are such a gentle, caring man. You instinctively know what is needed. That doesn't come from training, it's innate. xx

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  13. Such a simple request yet one that gave your patient peace.

    I used to wake and find calm in listening to my husband breathing but since his stroke I now listen to make sure he's still breathing - not quite as relaxing! x

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  14. It's a bit like a poem. You captured the moment very well my friend.

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  15. My sleep was disturbed one too many times for me-the person I can only think had night terrors- I still don't sleep much but it's mainly peaceful now with my furry ones x

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  16. So much honesty and humanity in one person. in you.

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  17. A simple thing to do and so reassuring.
    A simple thing which can create such a huge gulf when it isn't there.

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  18. Bloody hell John, you have touched something inside of me with this one damn it. Very well written my friend.

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  19. Such a simple and reassuring thing to do for a patient... or anyone.

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  20. A lovely piece of writing. It was as though I was there with you. x

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  21. Wonderfully written, what you are thinking, feeling, experiencing

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  22. Evocatively written, John. I can literally feel what you were feeling. Being present is one of your super powers, and being able to translate this into words is another.

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  23. What lovely poetry ! Thank you.

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  24. A moment matched by just a single modification of the lyrics of the good song you very recently presented: "If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you sit with me and just forget the world?" Touching.

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    Replies
    1. I found that touching Andrew
      Chasing Cars was a song that was always playing when my first dog Finlay was poorly.
      He was a dog who always lay with me

      Delete
  25. Barbara Anne4:07 pm

    All kinds of action and inaction make up the work and privilege of giving nursing care. You honored the wishes of your patient and gave him/her a bit of peace.

    Hugs!

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  26. Your words paint a poignant scene.

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  27. I miss having someone sleeping next to me. They are always different. Luckily, Ava and I are planning a sleep over for next Tuesday and then we are going to see the new Matrix movie!

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  28. This was just lovely, and is the reason you really do need to write a diary style book. This would make the perfect page with a cosy sketch drawing at the top.

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  29. Shelly Williams5:21 pm

    Beautiful piece of prose , resonates here too xx

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  30. That's lovely, John.

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  31. Such a sad element to this John and yet there is comfort in that someone is there to do this for them.

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  32. Such prose that takes one down so many different paths...

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  34. Bless you John how comforting for the patient to know you are there.

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