Skid Marks on The Duvet

 




Five days to go
And I’ve morphed into a cross between Bridget Jones and a sweaty wombat 
A wombat with a five day old T shirt on.
It’s not a pretty sight.
I FaceTimed a friend yesterday who asked me when I had eaten avocados
That was 2 days previously.
If I put the t shirt in hot water, I’d make soup! 
It’s time to get a grip
I need a bath, a shave and a change of clothes 

I did wash the pots this morning, only because I had run out of spoons
But the only person I’ve seen today is the postman 
He’s the cheerful one that either calls  me “ Bud “ or “ John” depending on his mood
Today he asked me if I was ill
Track and Trace “ I told him in way of explanation
He looked at my odd socks, grey tracksuit bottoms ( the ones with the paint stains) and nodded Sympathetically 
I ve seen a few of you the last few weeks” he said
“ Some people never get out of their pyjamas “
I’m didn’t tell him I don’t own pyjamas
I had a pot noodle for breakfast, I found it at the back of the cupboard next to my emergency flour reserves.
The jigsaw still lies half finished on the kitchen table and I’ve only just finished the Julie Walters autobiography 

My friend David told me that I had let myself go yesterday when we talked on zoom.
You look like Joan Crawford in Baby Jane” he confided and when I admitted at not brushing my teeth for two days concluded that I was a very poor example of a homosexual male and that I should be ashamed of myself 
I flipped him the finger and had another coconut macaroon, the last of the ones Hattie Delivered the other day...


I decided to get a “ruddy grip Ruby” and thought to myself what Thora Hird would have done at this moment of personal crisis 
Yes, she would have had a strip wash at the sink, spat and cleaned her glasses and put on a fresh pair of pants, there was no space for slatterns in Thora’s world.

So....I ve ran a bath and filled it with some Imperial leather Polynesian Moonlight bubble bath 
The T shirt has been discarded into a very large pile of To do washing 
And Dorothy’s skid mark has been buffed from the corner of the duvet

Well I hope it was Dorothy’s 








99 comments:

  1. Oh on those days when I didn't feel well (last year had the flu and I didn't bathe for 2 days). I relate... sometimes it feels better not to change or even get out of bed. I'm thankful for the internet during those days.

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    1. Me too.. a connection with “ reality”

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  2. You don't own any pyjamas? May we therefore presume that you go to bed in a nightie? I am imagining a "My Little Pony" nightie or maybe Elsa from "Frozen".

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    1. Your personal perversions are only a millimetre away YP

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    2. Possibly awaiting a yummy young man to drape around your body John x

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    3. Fat chance of that. We're in lockdown 🤪

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    4. I’m living in hope

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    5. Hope? You mean that village near Castleton? I thought you were in Wales.

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    7. There's a local phrase in John's part of the country that says if you "live in Hope you will die in Caergwrle".

      Yr Hob and Caergwrle are nextdoor villages.

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  3. Funny, it never entered my head that the skid mark might have been Dorothy’s until I got to the last couple of lines.

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    1. Actually it was hers! I’m not beyond help

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  4. John! Completely unrelated to your post, buuuutttt.....do people in Wales really say "what's occurin'"??? Yes, we are watching Gavin and Stacey! RELATED to your post - I adore Julie Walters! I didn't know she had a book. I will have to try to find it. Hang in there! Hugs!

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    1. It’s more a South Wales thing, not up here

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    2. And South Wales is not simply the bottom half of Wales!!! I live in South West Wales, and we do not say "What's Occurin?" here!!

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    3. I just think "what's occurin'" is so odd but FUN to say! I mean, it makes more sense than "what's up", right? And thank you for telling me that South Wales isn't simply the bottom half of Wales - I had no idea!

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  5. i like the wombat, he looks like he's smiling x

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  6. It seems you relaxed from that first mornings' hyper activity, in a big way. Great punch line at the end.

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    1. You know me,
      Always end on a positive note x

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  7. Barbara Anne4:54 pm

    Oh, poor you! I've had times when I stayed in my pjs with my snuggly, thick, warm Victoria's Secret robe (not sexy in the least) on over them for days at a time. Comes a point all too soon when I cannot stand myself so get a grip, clean up, put on cologne and earrings and put my other Victoria's Secret thick, warm, cozy robe on over clean pjs. It's amazing how much cologne and earrings help.

    I recommend you invest in a really thick, cozy robe. Tartan, perhaps?

    When will you put that lick of yellow paint on the upstairs hall walls?

    I like the wombat, too.

    Hugs!

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    1. I’m starting painting on Monday x

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    2. Barbara Anne4:04 am

      Painting with delightful yellow will help you look on the bright side of life! Enjoy the process. :)

      More hugs

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  8. I wonder if Dorothy would benefit from a thunder shirt. When I go away, for the first day one of my dogs wears a thunder shirt and then is ok after that.

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    1. Do you know she’s better today after comming back to bed with me most of the morning

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    2. that is great news. My sister has a chow chow that is a rescue she was a dog breeders and was awful when she first got her, not house trained loud noises scared her etc I know some people hate it, but she has a tshirt (dog clothes) that she puts on her, she has to change it twice a day, but the slight squeezing of it seems to comfort her enough that she will sit in her basket and also a massive change, she is able to take her in the car. This previously caused panic, shaking, vomiting, drool and diarrhea. she also uses the adaptil plug in and after 3 weeks there was a remarkable difference as she was scared of children (my sister has 10 grand children) she now approaches them if they are sat. I hope Dorothy calms, it is so emotional when they are needy

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  9. You started off so well with such a list of 'ticks'...this makes me feel much better about myself!

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    1. Yes I can’t be a hero all of the time

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  10. Oh dear. I must admit that I laughed way too hard at this. And if pajamas begin to show up on your magic post, why, that would be just too perfect for words.

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  11. "Well, I hope it was Dorothy's" HAHAHAHAHAHA! Gosh, I hope so too.

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  12. well you've gone to hell in a handbag quickly!

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  13. Thank heaven's I am not the only one who has had a bath because I couldn't stand the smell!!! We all have these blips. " Tomorrow will be a good day" to quote a top man. Su

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    1. I hope it will, Ive got nothing planned

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  14. I find it quite easy to let myself go worryingly and I think it would not be impossible for me to be seen as a bag lady.I find disorderlyness rather comforting.After a couple of days I can see my mums concern and dad's look and reassuring smile"pull yourself together gal" x

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    1. Yes, when your alone, you need to remind yourself to yank those bra straps

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    2. There Is someone in my house John though who I don't speak of x

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    3. Oh lord.. not the night to share that one

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    4. No not to be spoken of again-Ever x

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  15. Avocados? Yikes.

    Sounds like you saved yourself from yourself just in time. LOL

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  16. It could be said, what does it matter how you look or smell, who will see or smell you? I feel that way about makeup now! The dogs will love you no matter what. Maybe you just needed a big slobout. Stay away from the postman though or you'll be finding soap and t.shirts on that wall!!

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    1. I am now smelling of Clinique happy , soap and garlic

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  17. Chin up, dear. This too shall pass. Make sure you are drinking your H2O! That will help with your mood and just make you feel better all around. Oxygenate. Or... F it all and wallow. We don't get many better excuses, now do we?

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    1. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. I’ve got into the habit of drinking a litre of water over night ( in between visits to the loo)

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  18. I hope it was Dorothy's skid marks as well:)

    When I'm home all day I don't always shower anymore, every other day seems like enough.

    But do the laundry dude!

    Sending hugs.

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    1. Three lots completed and teeth brushed TWICE

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  19. I feel the need to assure your audience that ordinarily you carry with you the aroma of Clementines despite your skiddies.

    Have a big old fucking MWAH from me darling x

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    1. Mavis-does John keep a couple of clementines in his pockets at all times?x

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    2. It’s Clinique Happy

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  20. "Skid Marks on the Duvet"...that would be a great title for a biography...

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    1. Who would buy it? Lol

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    2. Or the title of a country-western song.

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    3. Dolly wouldn’t sing it

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    4. I bet she would!

      Jo in Auckland

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  21. Oh dear. A fresh tshirt and undies after a shower would make the day more doable.

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  22. Maybe Dorothy is nervous because she was used to a snappy dresser of an owner. Then again, she may feel more secure now that you have ‘let yourself go’.
    Either way I hope you are relaxed and going with the flow. Swimming upstream is never very fun.

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  23. Oh you can make us laugh even when you're feeling crap. You really are a legend John xx

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  24. "Poor pitiful" John! Wallowing in isolation misery. LOL, LOL. Bet the bath made you feel lots better. And I hope you brushed your teeth. I m picturing you having this conversation w the postman, yelling it out from behind masks, perhaps the sidewalk's distance apart. [giggles].

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  25. After all my motivational words, I have to say that, quite frankly, I am disappointed. Disappointed in the ineffectiveness of my motivational words. And am I to presume that the reason you have no pyjamas is because you wear a pink lacy nightdress?

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    1. I am starting work on the book Monday morning
      I have 7 days off from work then

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    2. And no.... you may be disappointed to know I wear nothing in bed just Chanel no 5

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    3. The first response is excellent news. The second is excess information (and I don't believe the Chanel No. 5 statement, but possible "Eau de Gros Homme"

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    4. Ok it’s Clinique happy

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    5. Ah, I had to research that, and read "Our best-selling women's fragrance. A hint of citrus. A wealth of flowers. A mix of emotions..." How old-fashioned to describe it in such a gender specific way. Do they make Clinique Depressed? It would be appropriate for me sometimes, not so much tonight though, happily... Goodnight.

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    6. It’s a mans fragrance and quite lovely x

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    7. See
      https://m.clinique.co.uk/product/1617/5190/men/fragrance/clinique-happy-for-men/clinique-happy-for-men-cologne-spray

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    8. Ah... I see they make a Happy for Women and a Happy for Men... Fragrance is all a new and unknown world for me (other than sniffing my fragrant lady). Maybe they should further extend their range though, as they are a bit binary at present (unless further enlightenment awaits me).

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  26. do what makes you feel comfortable, luv. no one to smell you but the dogs.

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    1. And they have turned up their noses lol

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  27. No jimjams? Not even a comedy onesie is the guise of a bulldog?

    I await the next scatalogically theme post title.

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  28. I guess there is always the pets to blame things on. Poor babies.
    I have to wonder what will you do for a soaking bath , when you get your new shower?

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    1. A shower will suffice ...long and hot, just how like it

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  29. Your isolation experience is hilarious. A cross between BJ and the W-bat! The bubble bath works wonders. Refreshed and renewed.

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  30. Now, now. Mustn't let ourselves go, must we? But sounds like you're on your way to recovery.

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  31. Funny you mention avocados. I just had my yearly physical and found out my potassium level is slightly below normal. The doctor said I don't need medication but she did suggest I eat more avocados or potatoes. I choose potatoes.

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  32. It sounds like you plummeted into the depths of lockdown so fast, but the dogs will pull you back up just as quickly ... now that you smell a bit better 🤣😂

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  33. You never cease to amaze me... and shock me. I for one can't wait for you to go back to work... and change your T-shirt!

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  34. Since COVID I have been working from home full time. I've instituted Outfit Of The Week (OOTW). This basically means I change britches daily but clothes only when they become pretty ripe, which works out to about 5-7 days.

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  35. I'm beginning to worry that with another lockdown about to be foisted on us, I shall have forgotten how to prepare myself for re-entering the outside world, where there are other people. I must dig out my bras, earrings, lipstick and eye shadow, all unused since March - and have a good old go with a razor. I wonder if my clothes still fit me?

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  36. The very price of Clinique, Aromatics is always on my gift wish list!! Happy is beautiful as well

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  37. Perhaps you need a Hyacinth Bucket to keep you on the straight and narrow. "For goodness sake, John, make an effort. This is a respectable neighbourhood, we have standards to keep up."

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  38. I wish to point out that there is nothing at all wrong with resembling a wombat!

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  39. John-"Skid marks on the Duvet"would perhaps be nice fun alternative to the lovely song by Womak and Womak Teardrops x

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  40. Anonymous3:59 pm

    If we are doing 'top trumps' here, l have had the same knickers on for 2 days now. There, l've named and shamed meself! Tess xx

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    1. I rather expect our John's response would be "well why wouldn't you have?". It would not surprise me at all if he is a three day pants man followed by another three turned inside out.

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  41. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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