I’ve had a hard week...harder than I would like
It’s ok to acknowledge it, as most of us are experiencing a shitty time at the moment...
But it has been especially hard for me....there I’ve said it.
It’s been hard as I’m on night shifts that have exaggerated my separation from the real world...a life which has already been separated by Covid rules and lockdown.
My tentative move into sociability, cinema, friendships and contact external to my own bubble has been curtailed and so
I’m sad and I’m suddenly lonely
And I’m allowed to be sad......
Even though I hate it......... anyway conference calls to old friends Nigel and Cheryl have helped so much too,
Perspective gained....virtual hugs given
I’ve just watched Grayson Perry on his American road trip too
And I’ve realised, quite quickly, that I’m doing
A bit crap....but in essence I’m doing .....just fine ...
We in Bath are lucky enough to have a Grayson Perry exhibition which began before lockdown and has been here ever since. It is due to run until next year now, because people are too scared to move it.
ReplyDeleteHe’s quite lovely in his view of the American radical
Deleteand-"The sun will come out tomorrow"John x
ReplyDeleteFlis it will I know xx
DeleteYou should work in retail if you wanna be dismal and sad, and deal with asses who don't wear masks.
ReplyDeleteRetail ? I’d be a pig
DeleteJust remember that some of the ‘asses’ have asthma and cannot wear a mask.
DeleteI sometimes have to choose breathing above mask wearing.
Hang on in there John. Think positive and if anyone else says that to me I will kill them.
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ReplyDeleteLately I range from biting my husband’s head off for asking a stupid question and crying because of the obvious underlying resentment in it. He’s such a good guy, and will just apologize and walk away, or offer a tissue and walk away. I think I need to drive to a remote place and just scream my cool head off!
ReplyDeleteThat’s FOOL head, not cool. Geez, something else to cry about now....
DeleteIt is okay, even healthy, to feel what you are feeling, it has been a long haul. We are stronger than this, we will see the best.
ReplyDeleteAt least you get out to work at the hospice John - associating with your colleagues and having a positive effect on the lives of your residents/patients.
ReplyDeleteI see your new friends pix at the top; keep in contact with them and with us. chin up, tits out!
ReplyDeleteHow I wish this were done, John. But, we all do. Wish in one hand...
ReplyDeleteI liked the picture you posted of your people! It made me smile. I think when this is done it will still somehow be different.
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better tomorrow. COVID is hard and we are all in this together. Sending love and good wishes.
ReplyDeleteDon't turn the computer on for a few days. Take a complete break except for emails xx
ReplyDeleteChin up. We'll all get through this... I am sorry you are sad. You are absolutely right, you have a right to your feelings and feeling them is important. But never lose hope. Think of it as a balloon on a string, floating above your head wherever you go. You just need to reach up - or not... hope is going to follow you wherever you go or where are.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever had a day that felt like a non-ending panic attack? Well, that was my day yesterday and the only way to get over it and through it is to finally let the tears flow until that feeling of panic is washed away!
ReplyDeleteWe all have crap days during this Covid shit and somehow we do get through it and we get up the next day and it's one foot in front of the other!
It sucks!
I think during this covid period we all have probably felt sad at some time it's a human emotion that we often talk ourselves out of by reflecting about the positive things in our lives, don't be hard on yourself John there are always better days ahead.
ReplyDeleteYou know, you have reminded me that it's OK to feel crummy and frustrated and have a bad day or even a bad week. We just need to remember we are still OK and things can still get better.
ReplyDeleteThank you John. I hope things get better soon for you. Hugs.
I think we have to now accept that it's not going to be 'cream teas' every day of the week; there will be a few days of 'burnt toast' as well. Chin up!
ReplyDeleteI feel for you, I too am having a very crummy time of it at the moment not entirely due to Covid. Ugly health issues have reared their head and I'm trying to stay positive I think the saying "is expect the worse but plan for the best" but somehow it isn't doing it for me and I am all doom and gloom and fragile. I've tried to paint the smile on but it ain't friggin easy I can tell you. Chin up and tits out as AM above has said; and I will try to do the same. Big hugs xx
ReplyDeleteJo in Auckland
dear john, i can't cheer you up, only you can do that, but i just want to tell you how much you contribute to my life. i am old and live in texas on the same small farm with my daughter and her wife. i just love hearing about your pets, your cottage (i just have been looking at house prices in your town and those surrounding)your garden and i love hearing village news. was a counselor for 42 years and i've heard it all!! your life is so interesting and i thank you for allowing me to peer through that kitchen window and watch the life you live. you are a wonderful man, a great pet daddy, a true friend and a humourous person. again thanks.
ReplyDeleteI feel like you read my mind and wrote this post for me. For sure the one thing I do every day that never fails to bring pleasure, is read John's Blog. Thanks
DeleteI am glad you came to that realisation. And that you recognised and acknowledged that you are sad. Things hidden in the dark have a nasty tendency to fester and grow I believe - and that includes negative emotions.
ReplyDeleteIt’s ok not to be ok. Have a virtual hug x
ReplyDeleteIt's hard for us all, but harder for some than others. Keep hugging your furry family. x
ReplyDeletePull up your bra straps dear sad John, you too can look like Dolly Parton on a motorbike... Don’t you just love that man, his laugh could cut crystal.
ReplyDeleteLX
It is so hard at times. We were self employed caterers nearing retirement and this situation has forced us into retirement. Just as we were getting used to that my husband was diagnosed with age related macular degeneration of the eyes. This condition can take a long or short time to worsen and his has got worse very quickly. Within a month he has had to start having monthly injections in the worse eye. He is very down about it and also angry and sometimes taking it out on me which has been really hard. I am trying to help him and stay positive but sometimes that seems to make it worse. It feels as if everything has gone to shit right now but we have to keep going. It helps to have the community spirit that you and your commenters give me and I thank you for that.
ReplyDeleteI am always lifted when I see a new post from you and I'm sure I'm not the only one. *HUGS* xx
ReplyDeleteIt’s quite normal to feel sad and good to say it out loud. Walking and gardening are the only antidote I have found to help and I’m sure at least one of your dogs will understand (bantams somehow just don’t get it). This too will pass.
ReplyDeleteRealising that we are "just fine" is a fine thing in itself. Eventually we will look back on this time and see that we were lucky enough to come through it.
ReplyDeleteNo one can be 'up' all the time; you do well to stay up as much as you do, working nights. Friends help (even virtual ones), dogs definitely help, good food, exercise and a good night's (or day's) sleep all help. Coronavirus does not help, but we WILL get through it.
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ReplyDeleteI have changed my mind. I won't join in with this conversation because it will only lead to abuse. Sorry, my mistake. I love Grayson Perry, by the way.
DeleteThat's not very nice now is it anony-Meanqueen is a wonderful lady and I like to think of her as a friend of mine.
DeleteMz queen
DeleteYou are always welcome here.....always x
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DeleteThank you John. I am sorry that my presence has brought out the worst in people. Not my intention. It was a harmless comment. After I posted it I knew that people would read something else into it. Now they are basing their comments on the fact that I was here, not knowing what I said. The hate is becoming deep seated, and says more about them than it does about me. You can delete my whole comment if you want to clean up.
DeleteNot a problem x
DeleteI think lots of us are feeling worse at the moment, because we are confused as well as confined and up in the air with things. We need some concise and definite instructions for a few weeks to get this under control.
ReplyDeleteHaving twallops as our leaders does little to instil confidence, and those that don't 'believe' in Covid and stand and spout their twaddle only serve make things worse.
'Twallops'...perfect word. You made me smile this morning, Sue!
DeleteCrap but fine sums it up for a lot of us at the moment. I am usually calm, cool and collected, but I have had more than one full-on strop since this madness began and more than a few tears. X
ReplyDeleteWhat did Holly-go-Lightly call these moods? The mean reds? I think of them as the weary dismals. Sometimes you just can't go around a bad patch of road. Take care.
ReplyDeleteThank you for what you wrote.You made me realise that so many of us are struggling a bit right now - and that's OK. The junior rescue cat tried to cheer me up last night by bringing in a live rodent. It didn't, and I now have to find the effing thing today. Happy days! Hugs to you, Jx
ReplyDeleteJohn - we are all under the strain of Covid, all our lives are curtailed and we are not looking forward to a winter which doesn;t look very bright. But you are doing fine. I hope xrealise just how many of your followers get a kick out of reading you every day and a lift which keeps them going. Oh and incidentally I have watched - and really enjoyed- the Grayson Perry. I love his work and admire him as a person.
ReplyDeleteI visited the real world yesterday. You're really not missing much.
ReplyDeleteGrayson Perry did an American road trip? That I've gotta see.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that deep down you're doing OK, despite temporarily unforgiving circumstances. This is a bad time for everybody in one way or another, I think. We're all with you!
The increase of darkness doesn’t help anyone’s mood.
ReplyDeleteToday’s highlight is seeing a fly on Pence’s head. That man is full of shit and the fly knows it. The downward spiral of Trump and his ilk is cheering me up.
Sending you a hug John. We're in local restrictions for the second time, haven't seen my Mum since August. She said on the phone yesterday, it's shit Sarah, but many have it shitter, she's a strong lady. It's ok to feel crap John, everyone does one way or another. Take care xxx
ReplyDeleteFeeling sad and disconnected could be considered almost a universal situation right now, but your burden as a nurse in sometimes horribly sad and awful circumstances is one that adds an extra load. I hope your newfound spin into a more positive outlook helps, John. Keep on keepin' on and continue to seek out friends and family for support. The end of covid is not nearly in sight but at some point it WILL end. And we must do all we can to comfort ourselves as we wait. Hard, but not impossible. Dark skies always give way at some point sunny and warm and hopeful days. I admire you so much, John, for your life's career helping people to pass as peacefully as possible. Such a wonderful vocation you have embraced with empathy and tender, loving care.
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