The band Everything But The Girl captured that awful middle of the night feeling that Things are not well in their gentle song We Walk The Same Line
One verse of the song resonates with that feeling so well
And I bet you could tell me
How slowly four follows three
And you're most forlorn
Just before dawn
How slowly four follows three
And you're most forlorn
Just before dawn
I have just had a text conversation with a friend who just so happened to be up and I told him that I feel as though everyone else has been invited to a party and I haven’t .
He blamed Facebook
You never see the mundane on Facebook he said
I think that’s all you see generally on Facebook .
It’s natural to think that everyone else is doing better than you are, after all, most of us have been conditioned to say that everything’s rosy even when times are shitty and difficult.
Those that bemoan their lot, to many remain whingers, but modern day sensibilities have thankfully changed just a little so allow for mental illness and psychological pain issues to be seen in a more favourable light.
The truth still remains that everything seems that little bit worse .....just before dawn.....
My friend texted again to remind me my life is centred just about sleep and work and the dying ,just at the moment .....and I know I’m catching up with him on Saturday in Liverpool for drinks and food and laughs
Balance ......it’s all about balance
And not letting your imagination run away with itself
What lovely words, I really miss listening to music. I agree with your friend about facebook.I'm waking between 3 & 4 ever morning and watching the as my slowly lighten.
ReplyDeleteI’m lucky I sleep well. But the hospice is quiet now on nights( a product of getting all of those negative symptoms under control)
DeleteSo there is time to think and to reflect and to feel weary
People who are doing so well are probably not wearing masks and Will catch the virus. I am only doing not so well when I think about not having a mask on.
ReplyDeleteThat anxiety is wearing but will keep you safe my friend xx
DeleteMy facebook page used to be awash with pouting 'selfies', by girls/women trying to look like someone else. Thank goodness those days seem to be over. These days they're more likely to show themselves flat-out on the floor!
ReplyDeleteOh dear what sort of friends do you have cro
DeleteI know that you have sleeping problems generally
How do u cope
and this is only 1 of 928374650 reasons I don't have an FB account. too much bullshit.
ReplyDeleteSay it like it is AM
DeleteI don't bother with FB either as I think it's waste of time and doesn't help anybody feel good.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the magnificence of dawn's glory!
Drive home safely and sleep well.
Hugs!
Love EBTG - I even got to see them live here in little NZ. Some weeks are more about the work, with less fun. A catch up with friends helps to restore your batteries. Maybe a holiday too!!
ReplyDeleteI saw them in concert in Sheffield loved them
DeleteYou're so right in saying that most of us are conditioned to put our best face out to the world. None of us really know what others are enduring in the background. And even if asked, most will say they're fine. Often, that's just not true.
ReplyDeleteA slow four . . . to five . . . here.
ReplyDeleteHave a hug John. It’s the loneliest time just before dawn x
ReplyDeleteI’m fine just a brief self indepulgent wobble
DeleteEveryone gets a bit down at times, that is only natural. As for me, I may be a cynic, but I feel that when people ask me how I am, they don't really want to know. It's just a polite way to start a conversation. Besides, telling them how I really am would have their eyes glazing over, wishing they'd never asked. So, to save all that I say that I'm fine, which I would be if I could get rid of a few things.
ReplyDeleteOh, Balance.
ReplyDeleteThat sneaky, elusive friend. At times it's hard to find it. But you are right, we've been conditioned to think that everybody is at least, doing better than we are. It's not always greener, that grass.
XOXO
You're not alone John, we're all in this together. Early hours of the morning normally gets me thinking maudlin thoughts. Once the sun comes up and I've had a coffee things always feel better.
ReplyDeleteI’m not troubled with dark thoughts generally
DeleteThe early hours of the morning are hard sometimes, and I suspect FB often leaves us feeling left out. I feel so very grateful to have two loving cats sleeping by my side, snoring away. Hugs xx
ReplyDeleteI usually do the snoring
Deleteblogwalking here from Malaysia. Regards! :)
ReplyDeleteXx
DeleteHusband pacing the house in middle of night with stabbing hiatus hernia pain - me with pain in my head, trouble swallowing and scared in case I was having a stroke. Both caught up in our own fear and panic. My life is horrible right now but no more so than many other people. No holiday in years, no social life, no affection, no personal finance, no friends. I do have a roof over my head and food and a positive outlook though. Things will not be like this for ever. Look after yourself John. I don't comment as much these days. Sometimes I just don't have the words. x
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your situation at the moment Simone-I was diagnosed with hemiplegic migraine at the hospital after having tests for stroke and ms which was caused by stress.My life is definitely not perfect either but I just have to find some sunshine each day somewhere-or I shall go crazy xx
DeleteI am missing you Simone. xx
DeleteSimone
DeleteI was glad to hear you, albeit in darktimes
Sending you my love and best wishes keep up with us in blogland
We value you x
Thank you flis, Rachel and John. Sending you all my best wishes. x
DeleteDarkest before the dawn, another classic line. I miss the days when the worst that appeared on facebook was endless pictures of every meal people were eating. Dream of the new bathroom. Watch the sun rise over the bay.
ReplyDeleteJust clear your mind....and rest
ReplyDeleteI say this kindly, John.
ReplyDeleteMy neighbours are burying their daughter today. Whatever we feel is wrong with our lives today, at least we aren't burying a child.
Chin up. X
Absolutely I was only sharing .....perspective is vital isn’t it.?
DeleteIt is about balance. You need to stay safe and get outside. I have tried to do both this season. People think I am afraid of the virus, in truth I don't worry about it at all. I am just deciding who I want to spend time with.
ReplyDeleteBeing kind to yourself Is soimportant
DeleteI hate those middle of the night wake ups. My brain seems to be caught in some stupid dream that I can't get rid of. It usually focuses on some part of my body where I have a pain. Gadssss
ReplyDelete3am can be hard..but oddly so can 3pm.
ReplyDeleteGood to have a meet up with a friend to look forward to
There are many here I would like to meet up with ..many
DeleteYou are blessed. You can phone a friend in the wee hours.You are surrounded people who love you and they even baby sit your dogs.Enjoy this time on your own because there are so many things you can enjoy which you cannot do with a partner eg watch tv very late at night,you can eat toast in bed without someone complaining about the crumbs etc. I say enjoy...because someone like you will be snapped up soonish...your days are numbered:)
ReplyDeleteCressida you are a sweetheart x
DeleteI think it's true that social media leads us to believe that everyone else is having a wonderful life, while we're just plugging along with our daily duties. It's just a distortion in the way we consume social media, with the interesting stuff rising to the top. That's my theory, anyway.
ReplyDeleteAnd a correct one me thinks
DeleteI'm not bothered by false lives and constantly wondering if I've got it all happening.I've dropped off and much more content-a bit odd perhaps some may say but I don't respect their opinions anyway x
ReplyDeleteThe loneliness of 3 am takes me back to early motherhood, walking back and forth with a crying baby, and the sleep the deprivation in general. Now that I’m in my 70s I’m mostly able to make plans at that hour: redesign my garden, create a new design for a sweater to make, whatever makes me think creatively. I rarely do the things I think about because, in the light of day, they seem too much effort.
ReplyDeleteIt’s funny in every era of life we all have periods of sleeplessness and isolation x
DeleteI tend to be most forlorn just AFTER dawn myself... or upon waking. I find Facebook to be the most depressing place to visit most days. Yes, people share their happy stuff but it's more and more a place for bad news and rumours. These are tough times for most people. I'll stick with Going Gently.
ReplyDeleteEmail me Mitchell!!! We can have a chat in the night when I’m at work xx
DeleteJust how I feel at the moment John - but these things pass (hopefully)
ReplyDeleteoh pat !!! Please email me during the night , I often check my email when things are quiet x
Deletethings always seem worse in the night, you've done really well to come through a very traumatic time in your life, you're doing a worthwhile job, you have many friends, keep on arranging things to look forward to and be kind to yourself, it will all come good, love to you xx
ReplyDeleteJulie..thank you, I understand why it’s difficult but it’s along night xx
DeleteI like many have had periods in my life where sleep; for any length of time, eluded me. Those were the days where I was either wracked with doubt, exhausted with a sickly baby or trying to work out a direction to a lacking life. These days 25 years on I sleep well, don't give a fig about opinions on FB and if I wake before the dawn I cherish the fact that I can stay in bed before the alarm goes off and I have to continue my day in uncertain times with scared people who often cancel their shifts before I get to them. This too will pass. As Julie has said you have been through a very traumatic time but now you are blooming and moving on amazingly.
ReplyDeleteJo in Auckland
I think this is the effect that night shifts have on most people. It's not too bad really and I am pretty sure you are not missing out on too much that us day shifters are experiencing.
ReplyDeleteIn other words, cheer up. It's alright really.
Delete