Thursday, 14 November 2019

Men

I was hanging my first and second best Walking Dead T shirts up to dry  when I spied Terry walking past the cottage with his dogs.
( Terry as you may recall is my nemesis in the baking section of The Trelawnyd Flower Show)
After a bit of banter he mentioned that he had not seen me about much socially
And after I blamed work shifts for my absence he asked me if I was seeing anyone
He was interested and not nosey.
He asked about Sitges John who I assured was now a good friend and suggested I start using dating apps to " hook up " 
He asked how I felt and how I was
He asked about the divorce
I kept the conversation light by telling him 57 is gay Years was very different that 57 in straight years in the dating game
" 57 in Gay years means you're dead!" I told him
He laughed loudly under his woolly beanie

I like that Terry is comfortable talking about personal stuff.
In my experience not many straight guys " do" personal, especially personal Of self ....

Having said this the straight guys I am friends with, Gorgeous Dave, Mike in Sheffield, Jason the affable despot, etc all  do possess that ability to transcend those safe subjects of work, sports, news and jokes that many guys solely communicate on.
Perhaps they are just comfortable in their own skins and that's why I am drawn to them as friends


Perhaps it's just a sign of the times.
Hey ho


92 comments:

  1. Couldn't you find someone who prefers older men? I've been looking for the straight equivalent for years.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. I have tried to convince him of the attraction of those who aren't past it but he's a stubborn fucker stuck in the rut of "nothing in common". My reply is always the same. "They've got a cock".

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    3. What was the difference between the first and second comment? I had just read the first one and it appeared to say more or less exactly the same, if not the same, as the second.

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    4. The word attraction needed adding to make sense

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    5. Oh it all just seems like too much hard work

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    6. Mavis's attitude seems a bit too straightforward for him to be worrying about the rearrangement of a word or two, here and there, to me. I didn't think he was that sensitive.

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    7. I'm sensitive to my own errors.

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  2. One of the reasons I've always gone to a ladies hairdresser for my haircut is becaus the inevitable conversation in blokes' hairdressers is all V8 engines, Manchester United FC, and the expectation to join in a wooaarrhh, if a young female passes. I am more comfortable talking about the hairdresser's previous overdose (thats happened on two occasions in the past) and boyfriend troubles.

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    1. Nice one Phil.....my hairdresser last told me about her bowel habits

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  3. One day you won't live in a backwater.

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  4. I think that it's both a sign of the times and the fact that they are comfortable in their own skin. Straight guys with no hangups can talk to gay and bi guys without a second thought.
    Also, 57 in gay years is probably 60 in straight years, John. Not dead.
    LOL

    XOXO

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    1. 70 in straight years

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    2. My partner is 72, I'm 56 and I have no complaints.

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  5. Why can't you be the 'older man' A toy-boy would be good for you!

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  6. I have a good connection with my partner's 40+ nephew in England. We talk about sex. He is straight and I am not.

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  7. You've had a tough week, with disappointments with friends, admitting a younger person to the hospice, and that unexpected tax bill. I find that these kinds of encounters mean more to me than ever in such times. I hope this conversation and that shepherd's pie remind you how valued you are.

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    1. Indeed Linda ......I'm just not very good dealing with rejection at the moment

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  8. Spend a few years living in Brighton; it soon knocks any coyness off you! We treat everyone the same.

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  9. Most men I know only talk about surface things, and don’t get into the nitty-gritty of their feelings and personal problems (except their health). You are very fortunate to have friends with whom you can share your thoughts and concerns.

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    1. Perhaps with some it's a case of wearing them down to chat

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  10. You are indeed fortunate to have these straight men in your life, John. In my experience most straight men are not comfortable in their skin ........making for some extremely boring conversations! What a waste of time for all involved.

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    1. I haven't even told you about my straight friend bel Ami
      Who Gould out gay me!!

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    2. My dear chap, that really isn't difficult...

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  11. I hope it is a sign of the times.

    I think gay men and straight women have a lot in common. I've noticed that I have become virtually invisible to men, which I like but I'm not trying to get laid. We seem to be more animal than human when it comes to sex. Except sex to humans isn't just about sex, it's about intimacy. That's why I've always thought it's awful of the Catholic church to deny their clergy sex, because we all need that intimacy that sex helps to provide. Does that make any sense? I'm rambling now.

    Hope you have a lovely day.

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    1. Ramble away!
      I agree with what you say x

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  12. I think straight men are becoming more open to talking about such things. I hope so, at least. Women can learn more about each other after a two minute meet in a ladies' room than some men can learn about each other in years of being acquainted. And that's sad.

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    1. It is sad but I agree that it's changing ... media, tv, film, role models, royalty....they are all changing the male psychi

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  13. Barbara Anne2:33 pm

    Seems to me that 57 in gay years is bound to be identical to 57 in straight years. What's the diff?

    Come to think of it, we've been married for 47 years and that is FOREVER! Perhaps there is a difference after all.

    I hope the limitless conversations with straight friends are a sign of the times in North Wales.

    Hugs!

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    1. Oh you are so wrong 57 is ancient in gay years, it really is

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  14. John I have three gay couples that I count as close friends - I have known them all a long time and they are all certainly comfortable in their own skins. I sincerely hope that it is indeed a sign of the times - things will not be alright until nobody even mentions it and just takes it as a matter of course - but it wont be in our lifetime sadly.

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  15. After my marriage fell apart I remember having a rather bad day and ended up sitting with my daughters crying. "Who the hell would ever want a 51 year old, wrinkled woman with FOUR kids, two dogs and two cats.

    Turns out there was someone because I have value that doesn't involve a bikini body and giant tatas.

    Don't undersell yourself dear one. You are exceedingly special. You focus so much on your age, weight and stained clothing while the rest of us see the beauty of the inside, everyday with your tender heart, love of animals, the downtrodden and community.

    just my opinion......

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    1. My age, size, and scruffiness were just three contributory factors in my divorce Linda xx

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    2. I find all of those qualities endearing. None of the fripperies to encumber the true nature of a relationship. You just need to learn to fart in public without shame and I would......

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    3. Mavis!- are you making a pass at John?-I hope so,I think you would make a lovely couple x

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    4. Flis, I am too thick and chavvy for John. Add to that the scorn I feel for all things arty farty and you can easily see we wouldn't make a good pairing. A physically attractive couple perhaps, but he's already had one knobhead in his life that broke his heart. He deserves so much better than I could offer him x

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    5. Oh don't say that Mavis,I'm sure you're luverly and they do say- opposites attract don't they x

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    6. Your ex is an ass. My husband is heavier than when I met him eight years ago and he is constantly coated with dog and cat hair, and food stains too. I don't care. I didn't marry him because of his body or his clothes, I married him because he makes me laugh, he's fucking smart and he hugs me like a bear.

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    7. I do have a lovely gay cousin in Deal. He's such a sweet, sweet man. Kind and a little wounded, aren't we all?

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  16. well said Linda I agree with every word XX

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  18. It is great to have friends who see the real you, and who are comfortable delving more deeply.

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  19. What about a much older man John,say in his 80's? I've seen some very attractive older men whilst dog walking.You may just have to ignore a possibe saggy,deflated bottom,that's all x

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    1. 80s are u serious? Lol?

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    2. Well,Donald Sutherland is quite nice I think,and I've seen quite a few like him on my travels x

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    3. I would like a date not a night out as a carer

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    4. Yes,I know -I think it may be best to try online then John but be careful just in case they are crazy if you meet.Perhaps arrange for Mavis to be there too x ps just seen Louis Capaldi on Jools Holland that you had on your blog recently x

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    5. Flis I'm his online guard dog, not his pimp 🤣

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    6. I'm everybody's friend if they behave themselves 😉

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  20. I married into a family that were all stuck on their looks, and spent far too much money on designer everything. Give me a salt of the earth person, with tatty old pants and dirt under their nails from honest labor any day.
    A caring heart and a sense of humor, is high on my list.
    Don't settle John, you are most deserving.
    Hugs
    Jo

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  21. Things are certainly different than they used to be but no matter what a human's sexuality might be, we should learn to see beyond it. One's sexuality isn't everything - not by a long way.

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    1. Well said, it's the least interesting thing that defines most of us

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  22. The contributary factors you list, John, I assume were part of your personae from day one. I suspect there were other reasons which had a lot do do with someone elses disatifaction with life in general and himself in particular. Rejection is horrible, I think those of us who had "difficult" mother's are particularly sensitive to it.

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    1. It's one of my Achilles heels Susan

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  23. As you know, John, I do personal all the time. I get as frustrated as you by all the men who are terrified of revealing anything personal and keep retreating to the "safe" masculine topics.

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    1. Keep chipping away nick , keep chipping away

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  24. He sounds like a good fellow.

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  25. I have been surprised lately by straight male friends being comfortable with asking me about dating etc, probably a lot more comfortable asking a gay friend than asking another straight male friend.

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    1. Perhaps no expectation of being ridiculed

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  26. Perhaps a bit of both. (I'm very happy to know you actually wash those T-shirts sometimes!)

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    1. I've washed 5 loads of washing today x

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  27. Anonymous6:34 pm

    Coming from London it was and seems to be (when l visit) is still, all about the 'look', that city thing about clothes, grooming, weight, style, being 'on trend' bla...bla....bla.
    Moving to Cornwall (not trendy) then East Sussex (a bit trendy) now in Somerset( back to don't bother), l find that those city values are really shallow, vacuous and not of any consequence.
    You are a city boy, turned country and l know where you seem to be happiest, with those Earthy values set against the ponced up version of city-boy.
    Don't worry about the latest thing, it is not you and those that worry and fuss too much over their appearance are so lacking in other attributes that you have in spades babe.
    Jus' sayin'
    Tess xx


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  29. age, weight, and scruffiness are things that I look for in men.
    if only there was not an ocean between us.
    I am 65 yrs old, you would be the boytoy

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  30. Well at least you wash your t shirts :-)

    You're not past it, just mellowing a bit. There's definitely someone out there for you … he's polishing his Motability scooter as we speak.

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  31. Good to have local friends who are relaxed in themselves and who care about you.
    You are worth it!

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  32. It's great to have people accept you the way your are. To have friends who you are close to ask you questions and are genuinely interested in your replies ... your village seems to have them in spades.

    Jo in Auckland

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  33. I'm a straight bloke who regularly reads your blog John. Two of my friends are gay men and I have another single friend who I have known for many, many years who I think is gay. I asked one of my 'out'gay friends some years ago if I should ask my possibly gay friend if he actually is. He replied 'would it make any difference to your relationship if you knew he was?" "No" I replied. "In that case why ask him" he retorted. Quite right too. Our relationship is built on so many other things than sexuality that that aspect has no relevance. Straight or gay whatever people's inclinations are between the sheets or wherever is entirely their business and not mine (and I don't want to know that part either!).

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  34. Your friends sound warm and kind and fun to be with just like you and that is as it should be gay or straight should not factor into it.

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  35. My husband had a whole group of wonderful gay men, they were fun,funny,kind , brilliant,especially when doing make up for the shows they were in on Fire Island,NY.
    When my son was born,picture it..3 tall,flamboyant gay men coming down the hallway in the hospital,carrying stuffed toys and flowers and trilling my baby's name,proclaiming "Auntie Richard is here".
    They bought my daughter baby dolls so she wouldn't get jealous of the new one... They are all gone now but my children and I have only good memories of those big hearted kind men.

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