My friend couldn't make tonight and told me at the very last minute,
I was annoyed but remained polite and
I ended up going alone
I've been let down a few times recently by people..and it hurts
Maupin was delightful and talked about love
Gay love and relationships
And I sat there feeling rather sad and all a bit lonely rather than virtuously single
Sometimes everything feels it goes tits up
I'm just throwing toys out of my cot!
ReplyDeleteI spent the evening with my son. In the darkness of the car I held his hand as he cried and told me of his loneliness and sense of being lost.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad he had you
DeleteThis moved me terribly xx
Thank you
I have one child who is much like Anonymous son, it is hard and makes me cry that I can not help more.
Deleteparsnip
I remember the sting of being stood up at times. It takes the shine off anything
ReplyDeleteJohn - We've all been there - I think as we get older, it gets harder to handle. But, you friend, do have a wonderful assortment of friends and family who love you and genuinely care about you - I know so many people who don't have that support and I really feel their loneliness and pain and do what I can to help and comfort them - You, dear John, are truly blessed. Take care - tomorrow is going to be better.
ReplyDeleteOh yes it will
DeleteI Know ...
I'm sorry that your friend bailed at the last minute. Who in their right mind passes up the man who wrote Tales of the City?! BTW: I would have gone as your +1 in a heartbeat. x
ReplyDeleteIts fine everyone can cancel but it does remind u.so much . U are single
DeleteI dare say your emotions are still more raw than you realize, and understandably so. Then, too, friends and family don't always understand how important an outing can be for the other person. Kudos to you for going alone when it might have been easier to say the hell with it.
ReplyDeleteJenny. Thank u....u busted it
DeleteI find for me sadness comes in waves- then all of a sudden it seems it's all lovely again and I'm happy.Do you think that the people who sadly let you down,possibly are having problems x
ReplyDeleteIt does
DeleteAnd it catches u unawares
After my mother was widowed, she'd tell me she was going someplace with two friends "me, myself, and I" and that she knew she would have a good time.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you went as this is an experience that will be memorable because it was Maupin and you. How could that be better?
Hugs!
I have been on my own since 1990 and I am currently 76 (yikes!) ... you need to learn to be alone without being lonely! Yes, it is doable! And, never rely on someone else to make you happy ... make yourself happy first, and someone else will just be icing on your happiness cake!
ReplyDeleteHugs from Colorado!
Dead right, Marcia.
DeleteI'm with Marcia. I'm divorced 10 years and the kids are married but I LOVE being alone (most of the time). It's true, no-one else is responsible for your happiness - anyone "good" that comes along will just be the icing on the cake!
DeleteIt’s absolutely ok to feel emotion and to feel let down. I’d see a problem if you were all blah.
ReplyDeleteAlso, my new favorite phrase is ‘virtuously single’. Yes!
XoXo
It does sting. It makes you wonder your worth to the other person. Just don't contact the person first. Just hold onto your self worth.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that happened, John. Tomorrow is another day and I hope it's a brighter one for you.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry, John.
ReplyDeleteI hope he had a genuine excuse. Not nice!
ReplyDeleteNo cro I overreacted to a perfectly good reason xx
DeletePerhaps it was the thought of an evening in the company of a gaggle of hairy toed, sandaled and dungareed lesbians in raptures at the legendary Maupin that brought on your friend's attack of the vapours. Any mortal man would have kacked at that. You are a god for your bravery darling x
ReplyDeleteThat's just pants. I don't do hugs but hell I'll send you one anyway. x
ReplyDeleteMy friends are used to me bailing on things due to ill health. If it is a ticket event I make sure someone can have my ticket for free.
ReplyDeleteIt is a testament to our friendship that they haven't given up on me. I expect your friend felt awful about letting you down.
Yes John I know the feeling well. I have good friends and they rarely let me down if we have arranged something but that doesn't stop me having the feeling you describe sometimes, may be when I want to tell David something I have seen or done - I get up and do something if I can. Hang on in there - the feeling gets less and one day there will be someone else I promise.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel lonely. All your blog friends are rooting for you!
ReplyDeleteI went through a phase of being let down when I was in my teens. Desperately wanted a boyfriend, made dates, spent hours getting ready, only to be left standing on some street corner hoping and praying that they might come along. They didn't and I went home in tears. Eventually I learnt, do my own thing, I am the one who makes me happy.
ReplyDeletePick yourself up John, make plans to do something you like. xxx
Just when you think you’re doing fine... momentarily. It hurts. You ARE loved. I wish I lived nearby. I’d thank you daily for being in the world. Dumb shits!
ReplyDeleteFive steps forward, one step back. Overall, you are headed in the right direction.
ReplyDeleteThanks to you, kind sir, I have added Lewis Capaldi to 'my list'.
ReplyDeleteI have learned over the years to not 'put all my eggs in one basket' so to speak. I have expected too much on occasion from friends and family.....only to be SO disappointed in them.
Sorry to pop up after quite a while, if only to reassure you that friends do have (unpredictable) lives too.
ReplyDeleteWhat compels me to write in, John, how virtually all of the other commentators put blame on your friend for cancelling. Shit happens, often at short notice. I don't get the 'outrage' of your other readers unless they know something which wasn't made clear in your post.
U
Now I want to clear something up here
DeleteMy post was a personal reflection how I am feeling not a criticism of a dear friend.
Everyone cancels things for good reason .
And that's fine
I think. My reaction to it is skewed
I am hurt easily at the moment
It's a reaction to the impending divorce absolute
I see rejection where no rejection is intended or even given...
I was reflecting on your other readers' reaction. I do understand your own. Sometimes it takes zilch to make one feel like shit.
DeleteI remember, it's a long time ago, when you put up a photo of you and the Prof. I commented that the two of you reminded me of my parents. My mother (you) being the happy mischief maker, the stern Prof more akin to my father. What struck me then was how much you appeared to be in awe of him, in his shadow. I do believe, and hope you will, that one day you'll see your self worth not through the eyes of another but your own. And yes, just like my mother, you are someone who enjoys life best when in company. Let's hope she dies before my father.
As to divorce, and I can't stress this enough, the party leaving will feel as guilty as you feel shite.
Loss, grieving whether for the living or the dead will take time. Sometimes a very very very long time.
To paraphrase Scarlet O'Hara: There will be many more days.
U
I don't often comment on blogs but having read comments from Ursula over some time I wonder why you continue to publish them John.
DeleteUrsula what struck me wasn't that John was "in awe" of his husband and "in his shadow" but that he was in love. Also I'm sure John is aware of his self worth, as are his family and friends.
As to John's husband feeling guilty do you have some knowledge of this that we aren't aware of? It's so easy to spout rubbish when in fact you know only what John has chosen to tell us.
You obviously get some pleasure from constantly trying to pull John down, this is unkind. Why choose to harm with unkind comments? Perhaps to get a reaction? If so there must be something sadly lacking in your own life and relationships, your comments are not those of a happy person.
Anne
ReplyDeleteDont worry xx
John, your blog posts are most often filled with kindness and compassion for others, in my eyes two hugely important traits. Whilst I'm well aware you're more than capable of fighting your own corner it does grate to see someone taking perverse pleasure in continuously trying to pull you down, despite previously being asked by you to stop.
DeleteWikipedias description of a Troll seems to fit the bill here.
I hope that you don't mind me commenting,but I just thought that Ursula had an alternative view,and in her way was trying to help John feel a bit better when he was feeling sad,I didn't feel that she was being unkind x
Deleteflis perhaps you haven't been reading John's blog for the number of years that I have. Ursula is well known on here for her abrasive and unkind comments and has in the past been asked by John to refrain from commenting on here.
DeleteSo Ursula, what is your explanation of how you became barred from commenting on this blog? Wasn't that because of your abrasive commenting designed to incite unrest?
ReplyDelete