" Daddy ......my Daddy"

" Have you got kids?" my colleague asked .
We were talking about my divorce and subsequent  return to work
"No I had a husband" I said thinking she had originally misheard me
" I know , you said , I just wondered if you had children?" She replied
A silly presumption on my part, I realised all too late
" You look the type to have children " she added.

" What type is that?" I asked her curiously
" Jolly and warm " came the reply
In my book jolly and warm are euphemisms for large 
But I took it as a complement

Working in a hospice invariably leads one to think about family.
Family dynamics, family love, family ties.
But Family woes, family spats and family problems lie just under the surface
As we all know, death brings out the best and the worst in people

I bought a pumpkin today.
It's a tradition I've always done living here in Wales.
I remember one year when the Randa girls came around after school  to disembowel one ready for carving
It was such a joyous event , full of squeals and acting and false vomits over the drainage board.
And as they chatted, and included me in their day dreams and silly talk, I found myself fantasising about how cool it would have been to be a father

I talked to two grown up daughters at work the other day
Daughters who felt useless and helpless at their father's bedside
" You're here !" I told them....." You're here........that's all that matters!"
I think they understood