facebook!
Last night I recieved a message from a man I didn't know
It was a I'm sorry to bother you message
It went on ......did I know a Mathew H?
He thought I did
I have some news for you
The message concluded
Mathew died of cancer last week
He was 61
I did know Mathew.
Briefly we were lovers in York, when I was a psychiatric nurse
He was older than I and had a girlfriend at the time
He was a senior staff nurse on my first rehab ward and
He was my first love that was never talked about....ever!
Mathew's husband messaged me
He asked politely if we had kept in touch
I told him honestly ...no
He asked me for a memory....
And I was careful in my reply
Last night I recieved a message from a man I didn't know
It was a I'm sorry to bother you message
It went on ......did I know a Mathew H?
He thought I did
I have some news for you
The message concluded
Mathew died of cancer last week
He was 61
I did know Mathew.
Briefly we were lovers in York, when I was a psychiatric nurse
He was older than I and had a girlfriend at the time
He was a senior staff nurse on my first rehab ward and
He was my first love that was never talked about....ever!
Mathew's husband messaged me
He asked politely if we had kept in touch
I told him honestly ...no
He asked me for a memory....
And I was careful in my reply
My memory was of Mathew and I singing to this in The-Hole-In -The-Wall
Pub
1988!
Mathew had been with his husband for 29 years
Ripples on a pond
ReplyDeleteJohn, you have an incredible, almost encyclopedic command of the music and film of the world. I mean this in only the best way, with my diminished capacity to put sentences together. What a kind and sweet memory, and how dear to find Matthew and husband had twenty nine years, and such a nice film clip to tell us of him.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest i didnt have many to share..it was another life so many years ago.
DeleteI had a similar experience several years ago. The message came out of nowhere, and I also didn't tell the spouse that we'd had a relationship. I never, ever told a single soul. I'm the only one who knows. At least on this earth. Wait, now all your readers do.
ReplyDeleteAww, that's sad and kind of sweet at the same time. 61 is too young. Fucking cancer.
ReplyDeleteSad, sweet, and typical.
ReplyDeleteAn out-of-the-blue tug on the emotions and memories. I'd guess it's probably fair to say that the late Matthew must have talked of you in a positive way, otherwise his hubby wouldn't have troubled you with the news(?).
ReplyDeleteAs far as i am aware i think he wrote the stiry of his life down for his family to read
DeleteSixty-one is damn young to go. Sounds like Matthew came to terms with himself though by 1990 and found his husband, now widower.
ReplyDeleteI adored Tanita Tikaram's other big hit called "Twist in My Sobriety." Too bad her music career didn't bring her lasting success. We need all the lesbian singers we can get! Such a deep sultry voice! It doesn't match her teenybopper persona in the video you chose.
I haven't heard that song for years; it brings back memories for me too.
ReplyDeleteHow lovely that you were able to give that husband a happy memory of someone so loved.
ReplyDeleteIt took a bit to remember it
DeleteBittersweet.
ReplyDeleteHow terribly sad, I hope lovely memories of Matthew give comfort to his grieving husband xx
ReplyDeleteAh, the secret memories of secret lovers. Often much better kept that way, but good friends in public, that's a fine thing to remember too. He must have talked about you fondly for his husband to let you know.
ReplyDeleteIt was a very long time ago
DeleteWill you go to Matthew's funeral?
ReplyDeleteIt never crossed my mind. No
DeleteThere must be 100s of John Gray's on Facebook. He did well to find the right one.
ReplyDeleteHe knew i was welsh and a nurse which helped i suppose. Thank god he didnt rely on a photograph...i was a very dufferent guy back then
ReplyDeleteWhy yes, I rather imagine you 30 years ago as the dancer in the white hat and suspenders.
DeleteI've never been blessed with dancing feet
DeleteBittersweet, but how good that you were able to know what Matthew's subsequent life had been. And how lovely to be remembered with good feelings,as you clearly were.
ReplyDeleteBut I don't know apart from a few snippets furnished by his hubby
DeleteTo be remembered, is to have been.
ReplyDeletemathew must have spoken fondly of you to his husband. i'm sure the husband must be devastated.
ReplyDeleteI think he wrote about his life
DeleteI hope that it wasn't too upsetting for you John x
ReplyDeleteNot at all ...funny but I haven't thought of him in many years
DeleteA tug on the proverbial heartstrings and I am so glad you found a thoughtful, kind, and happy memory to share with Matthew's sorrowing widower.
ReplyDeleteYes, damn cancer.
Hugs!
Yes, so glad you had him then.
ReplyDeleteI didn't but
DeleteI agree with Debra. It was more one-night stands than having both a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time, but I've allowed myself to be similarly deluded.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't be surprised if he regarded you as "the one that got away."
It was a very different time to be even partially gay
DeleteAnother lovely post; thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteLove that song
ReplyDeleteits awful when we reach the age where friends and lovers fall away , whenever i bump into people it seems that someone else has left the building . But at least the fond memories stay behind with us
ReplyDeleteI think that Mathews husband would probably like your memory of him as it was a joyous time of you both singing in a pub.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your loss. I just received news that my first husband died. We parted amicably and always wished each other well. I'm glad you shared your memories with his husband.
ReplyDeleteA tough position to be in. Glad to could come up with something. I was recently asked the same via Facebook about someone I hadn’t seen or spoken to since we were both 17. And anytime he was mentioned in later years, it was always some sordid story of his double life... and even his death. I had to empty my head of those stories and think back to some loving high school story. It wasn’t easy.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss. Even if you feel it is far off, it is still a loss.
ReplyDeleteSuch a strange experience when someone reaches forward from the past like that.
ReplyDelete