Thursday, 19 September 2019

Sex In Your Fifties


I recieved an email this morning from the hospice informing me that I am just about to be paid
There is something quite wonderful in knowing you can just about pay your own bills.
Things are a struggle.
My solicitor merely farts and there is a cost.
Mary is going to be spayed very soon and Ive only just paid off George's bills last month but at least Dorothy will not need any health checks and my overtime at the shite nursing home has paid for my present jaunt abroad and so I'm almost Square
But this first time in many years I have not got an overdraft too!!

I've not had to ask for the help of my family since my separation.
I've done it on my own and I'm proud of the fact.

I am smiling to myself as I type this and a loud American Queen at the next breakfast table has just shot me a " he looks a bit mad!" look.

I don't care....and I've let out a little chuckle..but I resist the urge to blow him a raspberry

I'm also feeling rejuvenated from my room's state of the art shower tower which pummels my naked torso with waterjets from at least five "nipples" dotted up and down its length
I pride myself at being able to work most intensive care ventilators but this shower tower has me beat.
I have no idea how or why it works

I just turn it on
Brace myself
And hope for the best

Very much like sex in your fifties I guess...

And with that thought dearhearts I will leave for another day.

83 comments:

  1. I hear you on the finances. I get paid, pay the bills same day and exist on fumes for the next fortnight. It's draining.

    The distraction of a shower tower and a good time must be most welcome

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  2. Blow that raspberry. Preferably from your arse.

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  3. John it's so lovely to read so many upbeat post, may they keep coming. Looking after ourselves is a basic need, not always are we able to do it.

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    Replies
    1. Oh i am sure i will go down with a bump

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  4. lively positive post. Keep going my boy, you are doing great things,😘

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  5. Amusing concluding paras. Just wait for sex when you are in your sixties.

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  6. Sniggering away here! I thought sex was what posh people had their coal delivered in, the old ones are the best hehe x

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    Replies
    1. I am so nicking that line.. It made me splurt my tea

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  7. I just turn it on
    Brace myself
    And hope for the best

    Wait this isn’t the way sex ALWAYS is? Who knew?

    XoXo

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  8. Wonderful to hear, and the punchline at the end is nothing short of brilliant!

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  9. I maintain that self-confidence is the strongest attractant.You're in the midst of quite a makeover!

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  10. As long as the nozzles don't plug up.

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    Replies
    1. What are you saying?

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    2. AS LONG AS THE NOZZLES DON'T PLUG UP. ARE YOU DEAF?

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    3. It is hell if something blocks the flow

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  11. It sounds like a shower I might like ?

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  12. Anonymous1:13 pm

    I don’t understand this post at all. For the first time in many years you weren’t in overdraft and didn’t have to ask your family for money. But you and your other half were DINKS for years on good incomes and you were retiring from nursing. I can only assume someone was a spendthrift and I don’t not think that was you.
    Xx Marigold

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous1:22 pm

      I meant I DO NOT think that was you
      Typing too fast , bloody hell what a difference a typo makes Marigold

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    2. The family quote read wrong. Ive never ever gone to my family for money.

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    3. It was a celebration of coveting my own bills

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  13. Interesting that the state of the art shower sound very like a Victorian design!

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    Replies
    1. Did victorians have nipples?

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    2. Probably not..... officially..😎

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  14. Sex in the 50s sounds like sex in the 60s the way you describe it. And you are so clever in the way you describe it. What a mind you have! Huge congratulations on the finances.

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  15. Look how incredibly far you've come in a year!
    Imagine what will have happened by next. Why- you might have figured out that shower by then! And a few other things as well...

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    Replies
    1. That shower would still be an enigma

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  16. That title gave me a fright! Thought your two days of talking therapy had morphed into a holiday romance.
    But the exhilaration of a more bracing shower than you're used to must come pretty close.

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  17. That loud American Queen was ME! LOL

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  18. yep, after 50 your only sexy friend is your showerhead (ask me how I know this). AND the showerhead is better than a human being!

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    Replies
    1. This is taking a whole new direction

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  19. I wonder if you need to swipe your hand in front of the "nipples" as in some public loo wash basins x

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  20. Barbara Anne3:27 pm

    What a delightful upbeat post! It had me chuckling at your wonderful turn of phrases - but then you are a superb writer.

    Well done in supporting yourself in high style!

    Oh, and Dotty arrives tomorrow, yes?

    Huts ... Mugs ...Hugs!!

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  21. You did good. We knew you could get there even when you didn't. I don't know you from Adam but I knew you were a strong person who wouldn't go down without a fight. Fight over, you win!! xx

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  22. i'm so glad you took a short trip. some might think it luxury but i think it a necessity! take care of yourself first!

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    Replies
    1. It's not luxury.. you could see my bed room

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  23. Oh John, there is never a dull moment reading your blog - this did make me laugh. You are definitely on the up.

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    Replies
    1. I rather liked my last few lines too weave

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  24. Chortling away quietly here :) :)

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  25. A shower tower? I've never come across one of those. I wouldn't mind a few spurting nipples myself.

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  26. Yep supported myself and two kids. Had no parents to ask for help. But managed to earn an MBA in finance to live high on the hog while kids ready to fly the coop. Now retired and living happily and supporting self.

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  27. Anonymous6:08 pm

    Happy for you John. Enjoy your trip!
    Cali G

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  28. So, John, have you scored? (Not wanting to beat about the bush...ooer!)

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  29. It's a good feeling when you come out the other end able to spin all the plates solo that you need to. I am glad you have managed a break away,i am also glad that your ceaseless ability to lend that wise ear has inadvertantly won another friend. Enjoy the sunbeams. I too have a plan x hwyl Suz.

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  30. Lovely to be on vacation and time to reflect on all you have achieved, so many good things in your future to look forward to enjoy this much deserved break.

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  31. Gads Man, i hope you are getting some!

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  32. I've always been almost vainly proud of my self-sufficcency (I do believe I just made up that word).

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    Replies
    1. Well you made up the spelling of it 🤣🤣

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  33. I don't usually comment but after reading this post .....

    You say "things are a struggle" yet you're on a holiday abroad. Another holiday abroad!
    I think you mustn't be really aware of what a "struggle" is. A struggle is when you haven't the most basic of food items to put on the table for your family - have you ever experienced that?
    A struggle is when you get the gas and electric cut off because you haven't paid the bills, not paid because your other half has drunk the money and peed it away. Yet again.
    A struggle is when you haven't the money to buy your kids shoes from the charity shops.
    I could go on but I think I've made my point.
    Count your blessings, you're on holiday, you have a comfortable life, you can go on holidays, go to the theatre, cinema, eat out etc. Is it really such a struggle?

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    Replies
    1. Having already passed your judgement why bother asking that last question?

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    2. I believe it was a rhetorical question Mavis - a device used to make a point. Maybe it succeeded, maybe it didn't. My old English teacher told us rhetorical questions can be used "like a slap in the face with a wet flannel", perhaps to try to re-connect someone with reality.

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    3. "Jill"

      You can struggle with many things
      Can't you?
      I 've had an emotional journey the last 18 months
      I have never compared it to the struggles of the abused or the skint or the more unfortunate
      Nevertheless it was a struggle in itself
      It's my story.....and of course I will see it from my perspective
      That doesn't detract from the fact that my struggles don't seem important or valid to you
      And you have had your say....
      I hope you feel better doing so
      And I hope you have a lovely day

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    4. Ps to answer " jills" last point
      And I've made my own luck and earned my money to do so

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    5. John, your post was in the vein of "life is a struggle financially" as the paragraph was regarding money, solicitors bill, vets bill overdraft, paying bills, getting paid etc. It didn't mention anything to do with the emotional year you've had.
      If I've touched on a sore nerve I'm sorry but I thought a reminder of how lucky you are was appropriate due to the content of the post.

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    6. Margaret - thank you, you answered Mavis's question for me.

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    7. It has been a struggle financially
      Not as bad as some but a lot worse than others
      If you think it is wrong of me to mention the fact because you deem it inappropriate
      So be it.
      But then Going Gently is my story isn't it?

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  34. The last lines made me spit out my G&T laughing!

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  35. I think we all have "struggles" in our lives,all different, but they can be very difficult for us to deal with and get through each day.John has had his share of upset in his life,please be happy for him to have a few treats and recharge his batteries x

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  36. I'll send you a cork for your solicitors arse ... that should keep the bills down to manageable levels 😉

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  37. You sound relaxed and happy!

    I did have to ask for help from my family for the lawyer retainer when my ex left with all the money. It was necessary and I don't feel shame in having asked for help, just that one time.

    lizzy

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  38. Is that what they're about!

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  39. Brace yourself indeed:)

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  40. Glad you are on the up and up... it has been a long time coming. You deserve all the joy that you can get.
    I love the Happy John Gray... I hope you have a fab time on your break... and many more to come.

    Jo in Auckland

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  41. missed this one, well done you for being independent financially it must feel great. I so want to see you go on a shopping spree and treat yourself to fun things; when your budget allows?

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    ReplyDelete

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