Wednesday, 21 August 2019

Help



When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never needed anybody's help in any way
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors
Choir practice was a bit tougher than usual last night
Jamie ( sans his RAF 1940s moustache ) had us all grappling with The Beatles' hit HELP last night, which was somewhat of a challenge to most of us
It's such an upbeat song with a knotty downbeat message which I never realised before and halfway through our singing our oldest choir member , a retired Professor , gave us all an impromptu lecture of just how the song discusses the worries of aging.
" Research has proved that friendships in older people maintain independence " she told us at the end of her speech and the choir gave her a respectful round of applause before she sat down.

I feel a bit sick this morning
In an hour or so I am going to see the building society about my application for the cottage mortgage and I feel churned and out of sorts because of it all. Yesterday I went into the hospice and realised that the staff now know who my soon to be ex husband is. He had dealings with some of the academic life of the unit and in interview I was careful not to mention who he was.
Such gossip is perfectly normal I guess, but coupled with my worry about today, it wrong footed me slightly.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me

79 comments:

  1. It'll be ok. Oh and by the way, It's Beatles.

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  2. You're going to be alright. This is just one more step and you've taken harder ones!

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  3. Good luck and hope all goes well for you John.
    Briony
    x

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  4. The gossip will die down and they’ll be able to separate you from him soon enough. It’s only awkward for a bit.

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  5. Good luck with the application!
    A little trepidation is natural but I think everything is going to work out.
    Ugh. Exes. Keep popping up.
    And the Beatles and aging, huh? Good match.
    XoXo

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  6. it's 'next step' jitters. you will be fine. fingers crossed for you today.

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  7. Those early-ish John Lennon lyrics were always one of his very best though their meaning was belied by the chirpy and cheerful way in which the Beatles performed most of self-penned material. The words can stand alone powerfully.
    Btw: In your choir's version I suppose it's split with female voices performing the Lennon-sung top line while the men provide the slower McCartney/Harrison counterpoint - all coming together for the chorus. Love to see a video of it, even if it's not yet reached perfection.

    Very much hope that by now's time you've had the thumbs-up from Bldg Soc. You need something good to lubricate the rest of your day.

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  8. Let it be. I want to hold your hand. Here comes the sun and strawberry fields forever - (just because) x

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  9. "I want to hold your hand", John.

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  10. It will be fine. We are all with you.
    Best! Peter

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  11. Sending a supporting vibe across the miles, reciprocating your kindness. Holding a vision that all will go well. hwyl Suz x

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  12. My daughter sang a song in her final primary school assembly before leaving for "Big" school.
    Some of the lyrics are......

    One more step along the road I go, from the old days to the new,I'll be travelling along with you!

    There wasn't a dry eye amongst the parents.
    I'm sure this applies to you, John. Many readers will be travelling with you today. Good luck.

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  13. Good luck young man.

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  14. At the end of the day you will wonder what you were worrying about - every good wish John I'm sure everything will be fine.

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  15. Sitting on a corn flake
    Waiting for the van to come
    Corporation T-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday
    Man you've been a naughty boy
    You let your face grow long.

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  16. Shoulders back, Big smile and off you go. Knowing that so many people care about you and wish you well x

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  17. You are well on the way to shaking off the detritus of the recent past there will be reminders along the way. I would like to think that the fact the hospice have some prior knowledge of your most recent relationship is a good thing. It saves any explanations, and most importantly it will demonstrate that academia is always outweighed by exceptional vocational practice.

    You'll breeze through the mortgage, especially since Iain Duncan Smith's announcement of raising the retirement age to 75. The worst case scenario for you is having to prostitute yourself on occasion to pay for luxuries. An itch scratched and a roof paid for can only be a win/win since Derbac is cheaper than slate tiling.

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  18. You are a responsible person, mostly. You will be fine with the Building Society. Don't sweat it.

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  19. It's like pre-test jitters, isn't it? I hope you've had good news by now. If there are further hurdles to jump, you'll know what you need to do next.

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  20. "There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about."

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  21. Fingers crossed for you. Your new colleagues will get to know and love you for who you are, so don't worry!!!

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  22. How about the song "You've Got A Friend"....lots and lots of them and we're all pulling for you.

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  23. You haven't got this far without doing all the sums and working out that you can afford it. The final hurdle, and no doubt your legs are tired after all the running you've done in the last year. Staff were going to know sooner or later, before your first week is out they will have forgotten it. I hope by now you are buying yourself a Scotch egg to celebrate.

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  24. Good luck, John. You'll get by with a little help from your friends. We're all behind you. xx

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  25. Sending virtual hugs John. I hope everything goes well for you.

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  26. Fingers, eyes and toes all crossed. It will be fine, we are all with you. Ro xxx

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  27. Hope all went smoothly this morning; if not, John, please don't throw in the towel and/or despair. Competition being what it is there will be other mortgage lenders who'll look at your application favourably.

    As to your "soon-to-be ex" out of the bag, don't worry. No doubt, of momentary interest to your new co-workers, but that doesn't necessarily amount to gossip. Anyway, not all gossip is malicious; some is rather benign.

    All the best,
    U

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  28. I think I know that feeling John when out of the blue I am reminded of something still raw.I can dwell for too long and then try and do my best to get on with my day the best way I can.Sendiing Love your way x

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  29. Many things to satisfy before he says "sign here Mr Gray". Good luck with it all and may it end up in your name only.

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  30. I was rather hoping that by now you would have posted again celebrating that you have the OK from the Building Society. So now I'm worrying and wondering . . . . As Ursula said, there are other lenders who will say "YES!"

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  31. Yes.. nothing worse than having your private life dragged through your work environment. However don't obsess over what people might be saying, you only divorced him.. like thousands of people have.. you didn't run off with a twenty something pool boy breaking his heart. You will be the news for a day or so and then they will move on to the next story. As for the cottage, remember that banks etc, love giving out mortgages, it's how the money vampires drain people, they want you for a customer. Hugs and good luck.

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  32. Hoping everything went well with the building society and as for the gossip, well they were going to find out sometime anyway. You got the job on your own merits, I can't see what might be even vaguely interesting in this snippet.

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  33. Once they get to know and grow to respect you, he will never pop into their minds again. You've got this and are a perfect fit.

    I think that kind of worry is part of the grieving process and one day, thankfully, it won't be there any longer. It feels so good when it is lifted.

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  34. Good luck with it all. Thinking of you. Jan x

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  35. if your co-workers know who your soon to be ex is, then they will soon know what a fool he was to walk away from you.
    I imagine the building society will be glad to have you pick up the mortgage .

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  36. I love this Beatles album, hope we get to see your choir's version. Hope all went well this morning, John :)

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  37. Well, you and Lennon DO share the same first name.

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  38. Hugs John. To know you is to love you! You'll be ok!

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  39. Oh John, I’m so sorry this trauma is such a long, drawn-out situation. Please accept a long-distance hug from a stranger who cares deeply about you.

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  40. Anonymous3:33 pm

    Everything will work out as it should. You are a good, kind person. I am in your corner to help if you need me. We all get by with a little help from our friends....
    xx Cali G

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  41. So many people wishing you well, what a wonderful feeling that must give you. Fingers crossed for good news from a very happy JG soon!

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  42. hope all goes well with your mortgage application, please let us know how you get on xx

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  43. Sending you good wishes from California for a good day.

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  44. Hoping things go well, John. You have so many people from around the world in your corner.

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  45. Heidi4:51 pm

    I hope all went well today John. Not surprised you felt sick, it's a huge step and a big worry but hopefully you're feeling relieved now. Do let us know how you went on.

    As for your colleagues knowing abut your ex, that's only normal chit chat, colleagues will always want to know something about the new person coming to work with them. Tomorrow that'll be yesterday's news and there'll be something else to chit chat about. Very soon you'll be part of the team and involved in their chit chat and it won't be about you.
    Don't start to doubt yourself or your capabilities, you're not going to be judged on anything to do with your ex. Very soon "normal" life will resume for you, different than it was but normal.
    It's tough dealing with stuff on your own when you've dealt with things as a couple. Something similar happening here but in a different way but all the same it's gut churning.
    Good luck John.

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  46. Yes, I am singing that too.

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  47. John, your training, ability, and experience will be how people judge and accept you. You have so much to offer. [there. did that Help?]. PS Glad Jamie removed the mustache, it was becoming very cliche!.

    lizzy

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  48. John I hope all went okay. Fingers crossed and toes plaited. Hugs Pattypan xx

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  49. Sing What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - Kelly Clarkston to yourself and you'll feel better. I'm sure your ex won't have said anything bad about you just as you haven't of him. It's a small world we live in, you did the right thing saying nothing harmful. I hope the building society were helpful to you. Hugs, x

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  50. I hope it all went well with the mortgage. Nerves before a new job are normal and I am sure people will have better things to gossip about. I too would like to hear your choir sing that song which seems quite apt for you at the moment. You have plenty of friends here willing things to go well for you.

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  51. Barbara Anne5:42 pm

    Ah, my first Beatles movie and album. Good times, good memories as I was about 14 then.

    Hope the mortgage meeting was pleasant and easy. Do please let us know how it went. Ta.

    Fret now about the Prof being known at hospice. You'll soon be making your own place there and will be beloved by those you care for and those you work with. That's because of who you are, your skills, your humor, and how much you care.

    Hugs!

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  52. Chin up lad you can do it. Tomorrow you'll be yesterday news.

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  53. I love the Beatles artwork. I'm glad you have a support network through all these changes -- the people in your village and here in Blogland. It's all got to be unsettling but you're coming through!

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  54. Hope everything has gone well today xx

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  55. Bloody hell. He is quite relaxed about answering his 1,750 helpful replies, isn't he?

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  56. The staff know him, well now it is out and will soon be old news. I have been through something like this and after awhile it will be better.
    Hope all is well today.
    parsnip

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  57. The feeling will pass John. Everything does and in a day or two you will have forgotten. I find I can be really floundering and then I get a bit of good news or somebody says something flattering or complimentary and I am on the up again. It is understandable that you should fluctuate at the moment but put your head down and get going. It will pass.

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  58. Anonymous7:54 pm

    Sending you my good wishes
    Tess x

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  59. You are a very clever man, John Gray!
    You will manage quite well through all this.

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  60. Hoping everything went well x

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  61. You will be fine. And have legions of willing helpers.

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  62. It's been another hard day.
    2 hours in the building society and everything IS going forward as planned I will have wait a bit longer to get everything signed and sealed but the mortgage has been agreed.
    It's a sobering thought that when I was single in 2000 I had a large Victorian house and a mortgage of 30 grand
    Now I am single in 2019 I have a cottage and a mortgage of three times + that figure!
    Everyone involved seemed impatient with the whole process which didn't help
    And afterwards I did what I do when real life gets a bit knotty

    I went to the cinema

    Thank you all for your concern xxx

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    1. That's great news...not the whopping mortgage, butthe fact you got it...it WILL be fine. And once your colleagues get to know you and see how good you are with the patients,they will soon forget who you were.

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    2. I'm so pleased John,I've been wondering how things went.I know you will be working hard to meet costs but your lovely home and animals in such a wonderful village,surrounded by good people who care for you is all yours now and you have such a great life there x

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  63. Sorry to be late, but still wanted to send helping hugs. Glad you got the mortgage. Now I feel better! xo

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  64. I'm so glad the mortgage is happening. It's a shock to the system to suddenly be in debt for such a large sum of money. But keep in mind the cottage is worth more, it's your home and your security and it's yours ... ALL YOURS. Congratulations 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🌹😃

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  65. It will all work out, all be okay.

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  66. So pleased it is all sorted and things are working out for you.

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  67. Deep breath, shoulders back. All will be well.

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  68. I'm just catching up with your blog John, I see everything went well at the BS..your mortgage may appear huge but I should imagine your lovely cottage is worth quite a lot more. Congratulations! As for the staff at the hospice knowing who your ex is...why would they care much, all staff may gossip, but in my experience the very nature of the jobs they do make them wonderful human beings who like to bring comfort not pain. I doubt anyone will even mention it! Onwards and upwards John.... another step taken.

    Jo in Auckland

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  69. Glad that the mortgage is sorted it's been a long haul but at least you will have peace of mind and a welcoming place to call home.

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  70. Glad the mortgage is all sortd out John, the village wouldn't be the same without you. Still laughing at the quiche story you told me at the flower show! Chin, chin xxx

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  71. Hope it all went smoothly yesterday. I'm sure I'll read about it today. If I COULD help, I would, but you really do have things under control... whether it feels that way or not.

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  72. I hope it went ok yesterday, I know that feeling well, it's such a part of life, peaks and troughs. The gossip will die down, and then they will find out what a lovely person you are! Keep smiling 😊

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  73. Pfft. "when they go low, we go high"

    In my case sometimes that requires the use of alcohol.

    But in your case, your heart shows more than anyone elses. It all takes time. Did you know I was divorced once? It was really shitty, but I got out and I moved on. And things are okay today. It just takes time.

    But I know you know that! xoxo

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