Thievery

Shame

After her emergency hysterectomy Winnie's sex drive, has thankfully more or less disappeared. Gone have the fragrant abuse of the "slippers of sex", the masturbatory marathons against my best Laura Ashley cushions and the eager looks of ecstasy when hairy toilet parts were lowered seductively onto a pair of passing brogues.
No she's a new old lady with just one passion in her head
She has an increased passion for food.
Now for the past few months Winnie has been on a much needed diet. I am sure, given the sweet ketone nature of her breath, she is a border line diabetic and like many ladies in their seventies she has become quite pear shaped. Her new diet has shed several kilos but it has made the old girl rather obsessed with food.
Yesterday was a case in point.
In the café on  the Promenade in Colwyn Bay she spied a woman who had parked a large stroller at a nearby table and in her usual lugubrious way took herself off to investigate. I called over to the woman my usual "The old bulldog likes babies is it ok?" and the woman smiled that it was fine
Winnie looked at the baby.
The baby looked at Winnie
Then with remarkable speed Winnie walked to the back of the stroller and thrust her head in the shopping tray underneath the baby's seat.
"Ere what are you doing?" the mother called out as Winnie grabbed something fist sized and brown coloured from a bag and trotted off quick sticks like a baby hippo to the other side of the outdoor café.
Several "oooohhhhhhs" came from a couple of patrons, sipping their coffees at other tables

After a bit of wrestling and after several apologies, I later found out that she had in fact stolen a caramel covered Iced donut from Lidl.
She had not only stolen and eaten one but had obviously damaged two others in her haste and the whole incident cost me the only money I had on me . One five pound note!!!!! which the woman was not embarrassed to take