I'm a naturally shy individual....I know that a few of you may find that surprising.
So, having been told that I am sure you now understand just how difficult dealing with the officialdom that so often keeps divorce company has been for me.
Taking an advocate with me has proved useful for they have been in the situation where objective notes and questioning can supplement my more emotional responses.
I've always told patients to have an advocate with them when being interviewed by a consultant or a nurse.
Two heads are always better than one .
Twice as much information can be taken in.
Twice as many questions can be asked and therefore potentially, answered.
Having said all this I'm getting better dealing with things alone
Shyness is a curse.
It really is.
Over the years it has stopped me doing so many things I may have enjoyed if I had only had the chutzpah to do so.....thank god it is an affliction that can be overcome by practice
But For a truly shy Child or adult, it can be a terrible thing, almost akin to a disability
I am not a lover of The Smiths
But I am reminded of their song Ask
I am now sat in the cafe near the Mostyn Art Gallery. I'm in between interviews with my financial advisor and Solicitor and I need caffeine.
I've just had a conversation with an arty type, a new age man with a bun with whom I shared a table.
He asked me if I was Welsh as he wanted to know what the word " Cariad " meant
The barista had called him that when she took his order
" It means " Loved one"" I told him and he looked suitably impressed
The Barista was a pretty little thing
So, having been told that I am sure you now understand just how difficult dealing with the officialdom that so often keeps divorce company has been for me.
Taking an advocate with me has proved useful for they have been in the situation where objective notes and questioning can supplement my more emotional responses.
I've always told patients to have an advocate with them when being interviewed by a consultant or a nurse.
Two heads are always better than one .
Twice as much information can be taken in.
Twice as many questions can be asked and therefore potentially, answered.
Having said all this I'm getting better dealing with things alone
Shyness is a curse.
It really is.
Over the years it has stopped me doing so many things I may have enjoyed if I had only had the chutzpah to do so.....thank god it is an affliction that can be overcome by practice
But For a truly shy Child or adult, it can be a terrible thing, almost akin to a disability
I am not a lover of The Smiths
But I am reminded of their song Ask
"Shyness is nice, and
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You'd like to
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You'd like to
So, if there's something you'd like to try
If there's something you'd like to try
Ask me, I won't say no, how could I?"
If there's something you'd like to try
Ask me, I won't say no, how could I?"
I am now sat in the cafe near the Mostyn Art Gallery. I'm in between interviews with my financial advisor and Solicitor and I need caffeine.
I've just had a conversation with an arty type, a new age man with a bun with whom I shared a table.
He asked me if I was Welsh as he wanted to know what the word " Cariad " meant
The barista had called him that when she took his order
" It means " Loved one"" I told him and he looked suitably impressed
The Barista was a pretty little thing
It's good to take an advocate with you. Carisa sounds so nice.
ReplyDeleteCariad ... Blimming spell checker ... what is a Carisa ?
Deletei've never had a problem with being shy. people only wish i had. how do you pronounce that?
ReplyDeleteCarry-add ♥️
DeleteIt sounds as though being outed from your comfort zone is doing you the world of good. Think of all the new experiences you have had over the past few months. You've said yes to so many invitations and outings, adding to the enjoyment of all the folk you've joined on outings, visits and events.
ReplyDeleteWell done you.
I bet you made the man with the bus day when you translated for him.
Knowing that shyness holds you back allows you to counter it, like you said. Doesn't make it easy. Yes for the cool headed advocate. The meetings will be over soon. Hold that thought. My 99 year old, very wise Uncle used to say he imagined people nude in heated/difficult situations and this lightened things for him.
ReplyDeleteIt can be so hard to function in this world when one often feels uncomfortable in social or business situations. I'm facing days and days of what should be a great deal of fun and encounters with lots of lovely people.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'd sooner a dig a ditch from here to Wales. I am in almost full blown anxiety about it. But there's nothing for it. I have to do this.
We manage these things one moment at a time, don't we? One breath at a time. It's hard to explain.
Understood xx
DeleteCariad ... nice word. I'm going to add that to my vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteIt's the Welsh version of " love" often spoken by northern Brits
DeleteMy partner calls me 'cariad' a lot and he isn't Welsh, he just likes the language. I like the Welsh word cwtch ( hope I've spelled that right) which I understand to mean a hug.
ReplyDeleteBoth my parents were shy, but Mum realised early on in their relationship that she needed to at least appear strong and confident and spent the rest of her life working at it.
You spelt it right! Cwtch indeed means lovely hug
DeleteYou are always full of surprises John - that's what makes you so special and lovable. When I get to Trelawnyd - and I do plan to one of these days - I will expect a big hug and no shyness. You can even call me 'Cariad', as we will have a lot to cover in a quick visit, haha!
ReplyDeleteMy shyness only surfaces occasionally now... I'm not good in all male company
DeleteBeing shy leads to so many defenses and ways of hiding it. When I was about 35 my mother said, "I never realized how shy you are."
ReplyDeleteOh you compensate dreadfully
DeleteI couldn't agree more on taking an advocate along. Two heads/sets of ears/eyes are better than one.
ReplyDeleteShyness was the bane of my younger life. It took my elder daughter to teach me to ‘hide behind the part honey’. Can only wish you all the love and hugs in the world to sort out the very emotional situation you are in😘
ReplyDeleteThe theme of acting seems to be common here
DeleteI hid so well behind the part I actually told a chief constable on morning news telly that he was a pompous ass.. didn’t go down well and my face still goes the colour of a hypertensive beetroot whenever the subject is brought up. However. Still maintain he was a pompous ass!
DeleteI used to be very shy but I learned how to talk to strangers from my husband who could make friends with a fence post.
ReplyDeleteYes like I said practice helps eh?
DeleteI was terribly shy as a child, stopped me from doing all kinds of things. I still don't have very good social skills but they're better than they were when I was young.
ReplyDeleteWhen I'm a nurse though, I'm outgoing, funny and a performer of sorts. Anything to get a patient's mind off what I'm doing to them.
My children taught me how to be an advocate, first my son had learning disabilities and then Miss Katie. And now I advocate for my patient's.
You go out so much and have so many friends that I assumed you were outgoing. Thank you for sharing this John and take care of yourself.
Perhaps nurses have more in common with actors?
DeleteIt's weird, but when I look at your face I've always seen a shyness there. I'm extremely shy myself but Balder Half is a people person, so we complement each other very well. He pushes me out and I rein him in. You take care, hon. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteTakes one to know one !
DeleteI was shy until I went to nursing school and had to talk to all sorts of people in all sorts of situations. Ever since then, I'm usually at ease talking to everyone. I'm short, so I even ask tall strangers to reach things for me when at the grocery store.
ReplyDeleteWishing you suitable boldness when you need it.
Ta for the lesson in how to pronounce "cariad". That will be my first Welsh word!
Hugs!
It's pronounced
DeleteCARRY ADD
Hang on in there John. Shyness is indeed sa curse and quite often goes unrecognised as shy people tend to 'act the goat' to cover their shyness. I was married to such a person for thirty odd years in my first marriage - he overcame it gradually. Don't let it all get you down. x
ReplyDeleteNope, I'm still,smiling
DeleteI've struggled with shyness, too. It comes and goes. Beyond shyness, though, is also a feeling that any decision I make is going to be the wrong one, and THAT can be crippling.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like anxiety , I guess they go hand in hand sometimes
DeleteI empathise. My life has been hindered by shyness, but I love being on stage. I've heard it's a common thing with actors. xx
ReplyDeleteI must be a frustrated actor.....that figures
DeleteAaah - Cupid......!
ReplyDeleteBut yet you enjoy public speaking. You are no shrinking violet.
ReplyDeleteI have to be very prepared Rachel and know EXACTLY what I am talking about...
DeleteIn control, in command.
DeleteI don't think it is shyness.
DeleteI know what it is
DeleteProbably all down to semantics. I'll not quibble over it.
DeleteI don't suffer from shyness but I do suffer from anxiety. I've lost jobs because of it. There's nothing one can do but try to manage it.
ReplyDeleteMy grandma used to say "Two heads are better than one. Even if they're only sheep's heads!"
Hope the end is in sight for this difficult time in your life.x
Anxiety is I suspect is much. More debilitating
DeleteAs another shy person, I understand your frustration. I'm fortunate to be living with Jenny, who is far more confident and drags me into things I wouldn't do on my own.
ReplyDeleteI hope your divorce can be speeded up a bit from the current snail's pace, so you can get on with the rest of your life.
Amen Nicolas
DeleteYou are brave, you are strong, you will survive.
ReplyDeleteI've felt happy all day ......now less so.......dammmmm Internet
DeleteBlock all Internet apart from us and the blogs you love.
Delete(sometimes I wonder why I hurt myself by looking at people's lives online when I know it ll only end up making me feel miserable...)
Please don't be sad. You obviously have a lot of people who care about you - on the internet and in real life. I have been following your blog for a little while now and you always make me smile. I wish I could send you a hug, even though I am a complete stranger.
DeleteIm fine xx
DeleteThere is a Celtic story about a boy who hooks a salmon who asks to be his Cariad. She turns into a girl and nearly drowns him till he agrees. He has to cut the hook out and all their children have the same little scar by the mouth.
ReplyDeleteI like that story
DeleteHaving or being an advocate is so important in medical and legal matters. I'm convinced the reason my father lived so long after his paralyzing stroke (and with COPD and cancer) is because I went with him to all appointments and hospital stays. That is not tooting my own horn, just saying that since he was unable to remember exactly what medications he was using and unable to move by himself I was able to provide information and get help for him when needed, and was even able to intervene when he was given the wrong medication by a careless doctor (who admitted he "didn't have time to read all that stuff" the nursing home had sent about medications!). I used to feel badly for the elderly patients who had no one.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you have someone to go with you. It must help tremendously.
When youre the patient you only hear 1 word in 10
DeleteSympathy from a fellow shy person. I am also a full on blusher, no pretty pink cheeks here, just total tomato. It also doesn't help when people comment on my redness "Oh fancy blushing at your age" etc. Wankers x
ReplyDeleteI am a msn of cheek colour
DeleteI too had a shy childhood, until I got contact lenses as a teen. For me, it was all about confidence...I can understand if your confidence has been shaken lately.
ReplyDeleteI learned the importance of having an advocate when my father had to go to bat for better care for my grandmother (my mom's mom, who didn't even like him!) Now I've played that role for my wife and both my parents, and am happy to do so. May we all have advocates in our lives when we need them!
Confidence and practice
DeleteA Caryatid is a sculptural representation of a defeated enemy turned into a slave. They are usually depicted holding up parts of grand stone entrance doorways. I like the sound of your Barista better than I like the sound of your barrister.
ReplyDeleteCariad is less of a mouthful
DeleteThere is a stand up comic called Cariad
Strange as she's English
I like the idea of Cariad being more of a mouthful.
DeleteOh brother!
DeleteJohn, you're the master of the parting line, that's for sure. Much as I love Tom, I give yours first place.
ReplyDeletePraise indeed x
DeleteI have never been described as shy as an adult but when I was a very young girl I used to hide behind the sofa to get undressed for bed. I still hate getting changed in front of people and detest communal changing rooms. But other wise my life is an open book.. I share too much if the truth be told ...and I know it but cannot seem to do anything about it. I always have better intentions though. Keep your chin up...the solicitor meetings and the officialdom will be over soon.
ReplyDeleteJo in Auckland
I played badminton recently and got changed in my old school changing rooms.... horrible
DeleteI am shy myself, and being introverted can certainly sometimes be a handicap. People think that because I am a teacher and I get up in front of groups on a daily basis that I am not shy. But I am.
ReplyDeletePlaying a role seems to be the consensus
DeleteEveryone has a mask. We are all DIVAS!
ReplyDeleteSays she! You Mariah Carey
DeleteI might know how you feel, John, I have difficulty 'out there' and am so much more comfortable at home. I am trying to think that being an introvert is not an affliction, but it is an attribute! I want to believe that deep thinking and appreciation of solitude is a definite asset. Some of us are skewed a little oddly but that doesn't mean we are odd, we are just really, really sincere and beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI was very shy as a child, so I grew up thinking I was shy. Actually I think I outgrew most of it. Anxiety can certainly make us feel shy - afraid to say anything lest it be the wrong thing. Friends of mine, both teachers, had a horrible time agreeing on names for their two children. Each time a name came up, one or the other had had a student with that name that automatically came to mind. They ended up naming their son an archaic Polish name and their daughter after a great-grandmother who had a name that no one under 70 has today. If they have another child I'm going to suggest the name Cariad - I think it's beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI'm 62 years old and my mother just apologized to me: "I'm sorry I pushed you as a child. I knew you were shy and I just didn't accept it."
ReplyDeleteI'm also 62 years old and am in the process of divorcing my husband of 37 years. I think, "Can I do this?" and I read your blog and think, "I can do this." Thank you.
We can do this x
DeleteI think most of us are 'shy', the difference being the seriousness of the affliction. I have been shy all my life, and still am. It's why I'm viewed as a hermit.
ReplyDeleteOh John I understand and for the opposite reasons. I also find official situations incredibly confronting but my automatic way of coping is to go into a sort of Miranda like awkwardness! Honestly the last interview I had I nearly broke into song! Doctors do my head in, I am either hostile and rude or I burst into tears.
ReplyDeleteI'm only sharing this because I relate - even though I act out really differently!
Just wanted to add all my sympathy for what you've said. I'm very shy too and having to go through the divorce hearings in court nearly broke me. (But it didn't.) Horrible process - I am so sorry you're going though it and glad you have an advocate. I have been there and got the T-shirt. (Don't think I'd better tell you what it says.) Take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteJohn: I took your quote about shyness to my therapy appointment this morning and although I am not necessarily shy I feel socially inept. Thanks John, I had a great session today. It may of even given me a challenge! Hi to the kids :)
ReplyDeleteHey xxx
DeleteYes, company helps. Tomorrow I will face knee pre-surgery stuff by myself. Later in the week, G will be with me for more surgery stuff, cataracts this time. Hope todays stuff went well.
ReplyDeleteBlogging and writing really are wonderful ways for many people to express who they truly are. Having gotten to know you here I do understand how shy you are although I wouldn’t initially have thought that. Thanks for sharing so much of what’s inside and shining a light on how complex we all are... cariad.
ReplyDeleteI've been reading your writings for a few years, but when your life was changed so dramatically, I had to step back a bit. I see so much of myself in what you share, that I found it painful to remember many similar hurts of my own, and also wanted to not make discouraging comments, based on what I've learned (suddenly and badly ditched after 24 years of marriage).
ReplyDeleteYou'll find your way, and I believe that "the only way out is through," so I wish your friends could accept that you'll be sad now and then and could just say "yeah, that sucks."
I feel like I've learned a lot that I would never have known about life, reality, etc. but I'm still not real happy with the idea that "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Why do we have to be freaking "stronger" in addition to empathetic, loving, open, honest, blah, blah, blah....?
What I set out to say is that the whole shyness thing is pretty complex, which of course you know, but for me that shyness was always fear of judgment. And now that my mate judged me as dispensable/irrelevant/not really up to snuff, whatever...I find myself much less shy. Hell, I've already done the hard bit.
I was a college writing teacher for many years (very much bottom of the pecking order), and I always felt my students deserved as much love and assistance and honesty as I could manage. My reward for that somewhat trying occupation is that I see most humans as just another student who deserves my respect and concern. So, yeah, I blithely tell strangers in the grocery store that I love their t-shirt, or their crazy hair, or their beautiful baby and most of them smile back.
Oh yeah, my original idea is not that you seem shy, but your photos show your vulnerability, your honesty, your openness. And, sadly, that's a bit of a handicap in our cruel world, but someone has to save us (if humans can be saved) and you're just stuck with it! Love you.